Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 2-21-18)

Well, you slapdash and slipshod simpletons, he still has the title. It’s weeks after Jon Murray ruined wrestling forever by becoming Rockstar Pro World Champion in a freak cosplaying accident, and he still has the title. One day someone will replace him as a truly worthwhile champion. Until that day my never-ending torment continues. The evening began at a nadir with Jon Murray entering the ring. He prattled on about living in a party house known as “Awesometown” and made a tenuous connection to the Rockstar Pro Arena. In a move of monumental ignorance, Murray would put the Rockstar Pro World Championship on the line against any former champion. A confident Aaron Williams answered the call t

Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 2-14-18)

Greetings, lonely hearts and rancid farts. It’s Bork again with another report of all of the action and most of the drama from Rockstar Pro’s weekly episode of Amped. It’s been a nightmarish week and a half for yours truly, but I’m hanging in there. If I’m thankful for anything, I suppose it’s that Jon Murray didn’t cosplay as Cupid on Valentine’s Day. That thought alone haunts my mind’s eye. Anyway, let’s do it to this. The night began with a match I had hoped to see last week. “Worldwide Desperado” Sami Callihan challenged “The Luckiest Idiot on Earth” Jon Murray for the Rockstar Pro World Championship. The match began with the obese man in suspenders spitting beer into the face of the suc

Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 2-7-18)

Every morning since VI I’ve gotten up and pinched myself in a desperate attempt to awaken from this terrifying hellscape. Every morning I’m disappointed. Jon Murray is still Rockstar Pro World Champion. The nightmare continues. The first thing we saw during this edition of Amped was a video that completely altered our main event for the night. In it we caught the aftermath of a brutal attack on would-be challenger Sami Callihan by the likes of Maxwell Jacob Friedman and Ace Romero. With Callihan temporarily out of the picture, who would challenge “I Can’t Believe This is Happening” Jon Murray for his Rockstar Pro World Championship? Ron Mathis quickly answered that question. Mathis was sched

Voice of Professional Wrestling (VI 2-2-18)

Well, we made it. Six years of the best independent wrestling around, and it all happened at Rockstar Pro Arena. VI was a celebration of all our wrestlers’ hard work, a validation of our DIY spirit, and a thank you to all the boobs and nitwits in the Rockstar Nation who made it all possible. VI started with a blast and ended in the most unbelievable fashion possible. Our celebration began with a bout between “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams and “Juggernaut” Jeremiah. Williams had suffered abuse at the hands of Jeremiah for weeks, but he always managed to simply laugh off his attacker’s assaults. VI presented the three-time Rockstar Pro Champion a shot at payback. It was a hard-hitting

Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 1-31-18)

Are you ready, wingnuts and dinguses? It’s almost time. VI is mere hours away, and you can feel the energy in the air around Rockstar Pro Arena. There’s one last Amped to cover before we get to Rockstar Pro’s biggest show of the year. Hold on to your butts, as I take you on this wild ride! The night began in an unusual fashion with principal owner CW Scott in the ring. Scott expressed exuberance about our upcoming anniversary show VI and reintroduced the infamous Fanny Pack Championship. An interrupting Alvarado hit the ring and demanded both respect and to be handed the career changing Fanny Pack. As he engaged in a tug of war with our principal owner, Jon Murray slowly lumbered to the ring