
Voice of Professional Wrestling (Weekend at Murray's 9-7-18)
Welcome back, you wonderful wrestling wags and wanks! It’s a beautiful day, and all is well in the wrestling universe. Why? BECAUSE JON MURRAY IS NO LONGER ROCKSTAR PRO WORLD CHAMPION! The air tastes fresher. The sky is a brighter shade of blue. Even Mark seems somehow less annoying. 217 days of bullshit have all come to an end! It’s a new day in Dayton, and I’m happy to tell you all about it. The opening contest at Weekend at Murray’s was a Chairs Match for the Rockstar Pro

Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 9-5-18)
What’s up, dopey dumpkins? Weekend at Murray’s is almost upon us. Luckily you’re fortunate enough to have good, old Bork to catch you up on all the great wrestling action from Rockstar Pro. Nobody thanks me. Nobody considers the long hours toiling away at a keyboard. But I still do it. You’re welcome. Amped began with a singles contest between “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone and “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe. These two big men beat the holy hell out of one an

Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 8-29-18)
Hey there, star loads! At Rockstar Pro Wrestling we bring you the best wrestling action every single week, and this edition of Amped was no exception. So let’s jump right into the action before your alarmingly short attention spans have your eyes glazed over as you stop reading and go back to watching internet porn. Kakow! Our opening match pitted “The Man Without F’n Fear” Kyle Maverick against The President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey. These two competitors

Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 8-22-18)
Hello, knobs and fannies! Another week passes and another fantastic edition of Amped along with it. Fortunately, your favorite wrestling commentator Bork Torkleson is here to fill you in on all the nitty gritty details. Let’s get monstrous on a Wednesday! We kicked things off with “The Maize-fed Mauler” One Called Manders versus “Cajun Kid” Sage Cainan in a singles match. This was pure power versus speed and agility. Manders manhandled Cainan when he could catch him, but Cain