Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 5-10-17)
Welcome, nitro turd slammers! What a night at Amped! It was immediately an improvement upon last week’s show, as we weren’t forced into celebrating Jon Murray’s stupid birthday. Anyway, read on to find out what happened at our last Amped before the Gem City Slam!
It seems White Mike stole some of Murray’s beers after their match a couple of weeks ago, and that was enough for Murray to demand a rematch. So unfortunately, we kicked things off with “The Professional Athlete” Jon Murray versus “Dirty” White Mike 2. The two declared that they would kick things off catch-as-catch-can style. You can imagine how that went. This turned into a chugging contest in which Mike fed Murray beer after beer after beer. The “Sultan of Stank” got Murray just tipsy enough to get behind him with a Schoolyard Trip and pin the plus-sized cuck for the win! I expect a rubber match soon, even though I don’t want to see it.
Next up, we had the team of Darin “Sex” Dinero and “The Infinite” Cole Radrick squaring off against “The Pitbull” Ganger and Mikael. Dinero and Radrick made for the kind of odd couple that reminded me of those old Chester and Spike* cartoons. Meanwhile, I still don’t understand why Ganger accepted Mikael back into his life. This one went back and forth with all the hard-hitting offense one would expect from the likes of Dinero and Ganger. In the end, Dinero hit Mikael with Greetings from Elizabeth to KO that bozo for the win. This only counts as a win for Radrick in the most technical sense, seeing that he didn’t get the pin himself.
Uh oh. This one scared me a bit, just because I expected annihilation. The Mind of Night Ryderz in Dustin Rayz went one-on-one with “Deathwish” Marcus Everett. The Rockstar Nation loves little Marcus because he takes risk after risk both inside and outside the ring. I think it’s secretly bloodlust, even though they would all deny it. Everett got in a few good licks on Rayz, but that only seemed to enrage and inspire the Night Ryder. Rayz punished Marcus with a Double Underhook Piledriver to win the match. Better luck next time, little man!
A four-man free-for-all followed with “King of the Four-Way” James Avery, “The Dream” Daniel Winchester, Pompano Joe, and “Mr. 500” Timmy Lou Retton in action. These are the types of matches in which anything can happen and competitors have to keep their heads on swivels. Daniel, Joe and Timmy Lou were all eager to fight, while James stuck to his usual strategy of getting out of the way. Poor, poor Daniel Winchester. He tries so hard, but he just can’t get the job done. He had Pompano Joe at his mercy after delivering a mighty knee to the skull, but it was not his night. As Winchester went for the cover, Timmy Lou Retton chucked him out of the ring and pinned Pompano for the win! Will Winchester’s luck change in the Gem City Rumble? The safe bet is a resounding NO.
The Night Ryderz/Flip ‘N’ Knees pairings continued as “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed faced the Body of Night Ryderz in Alex Colon. This confrontation was every bit the fast-paced, high-flying match we expected. There were enough perfectly placed strikes and agile evasions for an entire night of wrestling. Ultimately, the winner was decided by timing and perseverance. Alex kicked out after a single Firefly from Myron. However, another floating Firefly delivered from the top of the turnbuckle was enough to keep Colon down and earn Reed the victory. This was a massive win for young Myron, and it’s definitely going stick in Colon’s craw for quite some time.
Rockstar Pro newcomer Anthony Henry made his Dayton in-ring debut in a singles contest against Ace Austin... Shakespeare! I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this Ace kid yet, but two things I absolutely cannot deny are his showmanship and athletic prowess. Anthony Henry, on the other hand, displayed the sort of aggressiveness and focus I can instantly get behind. The two battled for dominance until Austin took the upper hand. Ace hit the running Blockbuster he calls The Fold to keep Henry down for the three count. It was indeed to be for Austin and not to be for Henry. Nevertheless, I’d like to see this young man back in the Rockstar Pro ring again. He may not have won the match, but he impressed Bork. That’s gotta be worth something!
Rockstar Pro’s Tag Team Champions Ugly Ducklings (Lance Lude & Rob Killjoy) were in non-title action as they faced Fight or Flight (Kyle Maverick & Nate Wings). Those damn Ducks have been on a roll ever since becoming our Tag Team Champions. Meanwhile, tensions continue to build between Maverick and Wings. The Ducklings were in their usual form, all quacking and full of piss and vinegar. They displayed a focus that was simply lacking in their opponents. It was all over when the Ducks nailed Wings with the Ducksday Device to get the win and gain some momentum going into their title defense at the Gem City Slam. Meanwhile, I truly believe Maverick and Wings are either going to have to fight it out or take flight in opposite directions.
The final match in the Best Two-out-of-Three Series between Night Ryderz and The Foundation pitted The Soul of Night Ryderz in “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams against The Foundation’s “White Trash Muscle” Ron Mathis. This had the makings of an instant classic, as these two Day One Originals here at Rockstar Pro have battled on and off repeatedly over the last five years. The two fought it out for a full 15 minutes before the match ended in a time limit draw. Neither participant (nor the teams they represented) were happy about this, and both factions spilled into the ringside area for a massive brawl. Principal Owner CW Scott couldn’t stand it anymore, and he stripped both teams of their potential title shots at the Gem City Slam. One can only imagine that these tensions will escalate if members of Night Ryderz and The Foundation meet in the Gem City Rumble.
Our main event saw “Trigger” Trey Miguel put his American Luchacore Championship on the line in a singles match against “The Artist” Jake Crist. This one started with a bang. Both wrestlers went full bore after one another, as it seemed we would have a Luchacore title defense for the ages. However, both Rockstar Pro World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah and my best bro Clayton Jackson had other ideas. They rushed the ring and pummeled both Crist and Miguel. The violence spilled outside of the ring and into the Rockstar Nation, as the four men brawled relentlessly. It was at this point that CW announced the main event would become a tag match with Jake and Trey teaming up against Jeremiah and Clay. I, for one, loved it. Our main event got even better! Unfortunately, the team I wanted to lose got the upper hand. Jake skillfully applied the Work of Art to Jeremiah, and Trey assisted to keep Jeremiah’s shoulders pinned to the mat. Unsurprisingly, the Rockstar Pro World Champion was not happy. A fight ensued with both Samantha Heights and Nevaeh getting involved. Once again CW Scott had to make a split-second decision. The Rockstar Pro World Championship Match at Gem City Slam is now an Intergender Tag Team Match! Jeremiah and Samantha will face Jake and Nevaeh. Whoever scores the pinfall or submission becomes the Rockstar Pro World Champion! This is pure madness!
The Gem City Slam is mere hours away. Don’t miss it this one unless you’re dead or in jail. Who knows what might happen? Our title match just might crown a woman as the new Rockstar Pro World Champion for the first time ever. Plus, the winner of the Rumble gets a shot at any title in the company whenever they want over the next year! Don’t forget to watch us on Rockstarpronetwork.com or the FITE app, and be there live for the Gem City Slam! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.
*If you’re too young or ignorant, just look them up on YouTube.