Voice of Professional Wrestling (Gem City Slam 5-12-17)
Hi-diddly-ho, poop stains. The Gem City Slam has come and gone, and what a night it was! There were some major developments and shakeups over the course of the night, so try to focus for just a moment as I get right to the action.
We kicked things off with the Rockstar Pro World Championship on the line! It was an Intergender Tag Team Match between the team of “The Artist” Jake Crist and “The Gem City Queen” Nevaeh and the team of World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah and “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights. CW Scott made the match at the previous Amped and declared that whoever scored the pinfall or submission would become World Champion! I could go on at length about that injustice, but I’ll spare you my righteous indignation. For now. Before I get to the match, let me just state that there is no ring entrance like a Jake Crist ring entrance. So just subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to see it in all its glory. The match itself was intense as hell. No quarter was given, and both men and women fought tooth and nail for the ultimate prize in Rockstar Pro. In a shocking ending, Nevaeh hit Jeremiah with her husband’s famous Work of Art to capture the gold. “The Gem City Queen” Nevaeh is the first ever woman to become Rockstar Pro World Champion! I am certain that both Jeremiah and Heights will have some words about this development very soon.
Our second match highlighted the brutal feud between Night Ryderz and The Foundation. Bruce Grey may have dislocated his shoulder in his singles match against Dustin Rayz recently, but that didn’t stop his crew. It was The Foundation (“White Trash Muscle” Ron Mathis, “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous & “Prospect” Patrick Henderson) against all three Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz, Alex Colon & “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams). This one was just as vicious as we expected, as all of these men absolutely despise their opponents. In the end, both Williams and Rayz locked in tandem leg submissions on “Prospect,” and the newest member of The Foundation tapped out. Night Ryderz didn’t celebrate for long before the rest of The Foundation attacked. Even Grey pulled a large metal tool out of his arm sling to join in on assaulting the Ryderz. It’s clear that nothing has been settled between these two groups. The potential for even more violence between them is downright frightening.
Thirdly, we had the Magnum rubber match* between “Dirty” White Mike and fat asshole sex pest Jon Murray in their “Best of Stank” series. I may hate Murray, but I do enjoy seeing Mike in the ring. I just wish he didn’t have to lower himself to squaring off against the so-called “Professional Athlete.” Murray continued his theme of stealing from wrestling legends with a Leg Drop he simply called #HulkHogan. The only good thing about Murray winning this series is that it’s over. Here’s to hoping White Mike moves on to bigger (nearly impossible) and better (easily accomplished) things.
Next, we had a #1 Contenders Match in which the winner would be next in line for a shot at the American Luchacore Championship. It was a Triple Threat Match featuring my best bro Clayton Jackson versus Ace Austin versus Anthony Henry. I like Henry’s intensity when he goes on the offensive. Unfortunately, he was suffering from strep throat and spent most of the match coughing into Austin’s face. Clay, however, proved once again that he’s the best paring of brawn and brain in that ring. Austin got Henry up on his shoulders, but when he threw Henry to the mat Clayton intercepted “The Infectious” Henry with an earth-shattering Powerbomb. Three seconds later my best bro became #1 Contender! Congratulations, Clayton Jackson!
The Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships were on the line, as Ugly Ducklings (Lance Lude & Rob Killjoy) defended their gold against Flip ‘N’ Knees (“Hot Fiya” Myron Reed & “MBD” Marcus Everett). The Rockstar Nation really got behind Flip ‘N’ Knees. It seems Myron’s prowess and Marcus’ willingness to put his body on the line have truly endeared these young upstarts to the sweaty masses in the Nation. However, it takes much more than fan support to capture gold in this business. Despite Flip ‘N’ Knees best efforts and inexhaustible energy, a combination of the Ducksday Device and the Darkwing Double Stomp kept the Tag Team Championships in Ugly Ducklings’ pond. The field is wide open for new challengers to step up and take their shot at the gold.
Our final title match of the evening featured American Luchacore Champion “Trigger” Trey Miguel defending his strap against “The Wrestler With All The Nicknames” David Starr in their first ever in-ring meeting. Starr did his best to keep the pace slow in an effort to hamper Miguel’s incredibly quick offensive style. This match was absolutely grueling, as Starr pushed the young champion to the edge. It was when Starr seemed to have Product Placement locked in that Miguel reversed the hold into his Loaded Clip. After that it was just a matter of 1-2-3. He’s only going to grow cockier after defeating a world-renowned wrestler the likes of David Starr, but keep in mind that Clayton Jackson is hot on the trail of “Trigger” Trey Miguel.
Finally, there was the matter of the Gem City Rumble. I’m not going to go into details or list every entrant here. That’s even more incentive to check us out live, subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com, or catch us on the FITE app. There were surprises, amazing feats of endurance, and plenty of chances to crash and burn. All you really need to know is that Murray stuck his thumb in way too many bums, I was there to represent my family, and somehow young “The Dream” Daniel Winchester came out on top. I’ll have plenty to say about this development on the mic. Don’t you worry your ugly little heads.
What a night! There are some major shifts happening at Rockstar Pro right now. We crowned a new World Champion, there’s a new #1 Contender to the American Luchacore Championship, and that lucky turd Winchester gets a title shot anytime he wants over the next year. That’s a lot to process, and the best way to catch all the action is to see us live at the Rockstar Pro Arena. Nevertheless, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.
*White Mike’s words. Not mine.