Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 5-2-18)
It’s almost time for the Gem City Slam and the Gem City Rumble, you bowls of poop soup! But before we get to that, we still have one episode of Amped to cover. Without any further ado, let’s get this over with!
Announcer JP kicked things off in the worst way possible. He invited #NotMyWorldChampion Jon Murray to the ring. Murray said something dumb and fat before being interrupted by “Juggernaut” Jeremiah and Senior Official P.D. Barton. Barton was shooting off and acting hard before Principal Owner CW Scott hit the ring to attempt to put him in his place. Apparently, Barton signed one helluva contract. He can pick which matches he wants to officiate and cannot be fired! Therefore, our main event would be a non-title match between Jeremiah and Murray with Barton officiating! Jeremiah then kicked Murray in his globular gut and left with his pet ref at his side.
Our first contest was a Fatal Four-Way between “Special Dark” Suge D, Nate Wings, Roni “Big Bang” Nicole, and “Everyone’s Homey” Pompano Joe. This one almost immediately devolved into an impromptu tag match, as dancing fools Suge and Pompano gyrated like mad between coordinating offensive attacks. Wings and Nicole even worked together for a short while. But alliances never last in multi-competitor matches. Suge dumped Wings right on his head for the 1-2-3. I’m certain Wings is working hard and studying tape to ensure a different result when he faces Aeroboy at the Gem City Slam.
The Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions were in non-title triple-threat action in our next contest. It was champions “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz and Dustin Rayz versus The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) versus The Dirty (“Bulletproof” Brandon Edwards & “Cutthroat” Austin Manix). This was a brutal, hard-hitting affair between six chiseled competitors. Mr. Bruise lifted Rayz up on his shoulders and looked to do significant damage, but Clay was right there to spit a mouthful of pre-workout into Bruise’s eyes. Bruise dropped Rayz, and Clay quickly pinned the blinded “Executive Secretary of Offense” for the win. Once again Clay’s tactical brilliance brings victory to the Trios Tag Team Champions! Afterward, FireArms (Myron Reed & Trey Miguel) hit the ring to talk smack in the faces of the Trios Tag Team Champions. Larry D’s music hit, and the ring cleared. Only an unfortunate Reed remained, as he would face D next.
Singles action followed between “Legendary” Larry D and “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed. Reed fought like the amazing competitor he is, but D time and time again proved too powerful. Larry chucked Myron all around and outside the ring. Myron, however, is an incredible young talent. Reed went for a 450 Splash, but D was able to roll out of the way. Larry then delivered a massive Knockout Punch to Reed to guarantee a pinfall win. Both men are scheduled for big matches at the Slam!
The President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey took on “Man Scout” Jake Manning in a one-on-one bout. I trusted that Grey would work his way to a victory from the very beginning, but Manning was one tough competitor. Mann’s Handbook was central to the match, as it helped him perfect submission holds but also provided yet another target for The Administration. Boone hopped up on the apron and waved around Manning’s Scouts Handbook to distract him. Bruce deftly took advantage and nailed Jake with a perfect DDT to take another great win for The Administration! The odds are looking good for The Administration when examining their chances of victory in the Gem City Rumble.
More singles competition followed between... um... “Pizza” Cole and “Acey Baby” Ace Romero. Cole has transformed into a walking, talking, inaccurate Italian stereotype. Dressed as Mario and hurling Pizza Rolls at the Rockstar Nation, he was truly in a sad state. Ace would have none of this nonsense. Romero dominated the entire matchup, with Cole only occasionally rallying an attempted comeback. Romero absolutely rocked Cole with a Discuss Clothesline that probably gave poor Radrick even more head trauma. With that, Romero earned yet another win.
Two former Rockstar Pro World Champions collided when “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel and “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis met in the ring. There was a lot of buzz surrounding this contest. Larry D even brought a chair to ringside for a better than front row seat! The two had quite the back-and-forth battle that you should definitely watch again at Rockstarpronetwork.com. With Mathis focused on D, Trey quickly rolled up “Pure Trash” via an athletic pin (with a bit of additional leverage supplied by the ring ropes). Trey looked great going into he and Myron’s title shot at the Slam. Mathis, on the other hand, is definitely going to have his work cut out for him in a Three Stages of Hell match against Larry D.
Our main event pitted “Juggernaut” Jeremiah against... ugh... Rockstar Pro World Champion “Toilet Lord” Jon Murray in a non-title match officiated by P.D. Barton. Of course, Murray insisted the match play out under Jon Murray Pro Rules. It was a disgusting match, with threatened Thumbs in Bums and filthy floor food stuff into mouths. Murray somehow managed to nail Jeremiah with a Choke Bomb right on top of a prone Barton, but there was no official to make the count. Junior official Bobson Dugnutt slid in to referee the match, while Murray procured a ladder. Jeremiah Dropkicked the ladder right into Murray’s chest before Double Stomping onto him. One low blow and a Baddest Kick in the World later, Barton recovered to make the count. Jeremiah got the non-title win and a boatload of momentum going into his title shot at the Gem City Slam!
That just about does it. We’ll see you at at the Slam. And no, I don’t give a damn about your Rumble predictions. Remember to catch all the action live at 1106 E. 3rd St. every Wednesday and the first Friday of every month. Additionally, you can subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for a mere five bones per month. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.