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  • Bork Torkleson

Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 9-19-18)


Welcome back, flesh flaps! Guess what I have for you? Is it a swift kick in the crotch? I wish, but no. Is it the meaning of life, the universe and everything? Probably not. Is it another recap of all the tantalizing action from Rockstar Pro Wrestling? Yup. That’s the one.

Our opening contest saw “The Man Who Charisma Forgot” Pompano Joe take on “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe. This was quite the clash of styles between a veteran/goofball like Joe and a young ass-kicker like Crewe. They had a quality bout, and I was confident Crewe would take a win in record time. Perhaps I was overconfident. Crewe went for a Death Valley Driver on a vulnerable Joe, but Pompano quickly countered into a Roll-Up for the pin and the win. Well, Pomp, you won one. Nevertheless, nobody likes you. So who’s the real winner here?

Inter-gender action followed between The Administration’s “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone and “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights. Just like in match one, these two competitors couldn’t possibly be more different. And I’m not just talking about genitals here. Heights brings a fast-paced, agile energy to the ring, while Boone relies on his size and strength. Try as she might, Sam just couldn’t keep the big man down this time around. Boone blasted Heights with a Double Underhook Facebuster I’m going to call the Tri Hard. What a win for Mr. Boone and for the entire Administration!

“The Man Without F’n Fear” Kyle Maverick faced Rockstar Pro Day One Original Nate Wings in a singles match. Maverick must’ve been salty after watching his fiance take such a shellacking from another man. He would bring that anger into this match, perhaps to his detriment. The mad wrestler is often the unfocused wrestler, as Nate well knows. Wings focused his offense on Kyle’s left leg in a concentrated effort to keep Maverick off his feet. Maverick fought back to a vertical base and seemed well positioned to turn it around. With Wings seemingly reeling, Maverick immediately went for the Roaring Elbow he calls Yahtzee! A wary Wings ducked out of the way, hit a swift low blow to Maverick’s manliness, and quickly covered Kyle for the victory. Sometimes the smarter wrestler wins!

Next up, “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis went toe-to-toe with Ohio’s favorite college football player “The Hawkeye” 1 Called Manders. Although one was a vet and one a relative newcomer, there were numerous similarities between these two competitors. Both are surprisingly strong and were focused on victory. A series of Neckbreakers gave Ron a clear advantage that he eventually capitalized upon. Mathis lifted the sizable Manders onto his shoulders and locked in the Torture Rack! A helpless Manders submitted to rack up yet another win for Ron Mathis.

A Fatal Four-Way followed between “The Destroyer” Jeremiah, Alex Colon, “The Promised Prince” Brian Pillman Jr, and Crash Jaxon. This was a four-man match unlike any other. Two time-tested wrestlers who have already made their mark on Rockstar Pro mixed it up with two young, unproven talents. Pillman took wild risks, throwing his body from great heights onto his opponents. Crash hit hard and fast, while the veterans took every opportunity to bide their time. In an absolutely insane sequence, all four men ended up in a four-way submission hold. The Nation were on their feet, as all were eager to see who would be the first to give in to the agony! Jeremiah submitted first, as Alex Colon secured an impressive victory with his reliable Camel Clutch.

The Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions The Dirty (“Bulletproof” Brandon Edwards & “Cutthroat” Austin Manix) put their titles on the line against The Administration (President “True Grit” Bruce Grey & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) in our next match! You can TRUST that this would be a good one! The Dirty brought their usual hard-hitting, bastardly ways. As did Bruise. Grey, however, took the smarter approach. Just as Bruce was about to blast a bald head with his loaded fanny pack, Ron Mathis slipped in and ripped a victory right out of Grey’s hands! Manix and Edwards then teamed up again to hit their Powerbomb/Backstabber combination now known as Dreamkiller on Bruce. The Dirty remain your Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions thanks in no small part to Ron Mathis!

Triple Threat action was up next as “Special Dark” Suge D faced “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin and “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz. Rockstar Pro is all about these exciting multi-competitor matches because we strive to bring you the best pro wrestling possible! It was great to see Suge D back in the Rockstar Pro Arena, but he wouldn’t have an easy night ahead of him. All three men brought their A games to this bout. Ace went for his Stupid Sexy Stomp and really rocked Suge D. As the official was checking on D, Clay targeted Ace’s most sensitive area and got a quick pin and win. Nice work, Clay!

Our main event saw The Night Ryderz explode! “The Catalyst” Dustin Rayz faced Rockstar Pro World Champion “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams in a non-title contest. Before the match, Dustin claimed to be happy for his brother-in-arms Aaron. He said he understood that there are many grey areas in the world today, but he also couldn’t forgive Aaron for the chair attack that took him out. This is one of those matches that you just have to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to experience for yourself! It was a phenomenal contest that took both athletes to their limits. As Aaron went for a final blow, Dustin proved his wrestling acumen via a perfect reversal and pin. With that quick move Rayz defeated the Rockstar Pro World Champion! The two one-time friends shook hands afterward, but it was a gesture that appeared far from being sincere.

It was a wild night at Amped, and things are only going to get crazier as we careen toward HorrorCore! Be sure to join us in-person each and every Wednesday night at 1106 E. 3rd St. in Dayton, Ohio or catch up on all the great action at Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.


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