Voice of Professional Wrestling (HorrorCore 10-5-18)
HorrorCore is upon us! It’s one of the most memorable annual iPPVs at Rockstar Pro Wrestling, and it never disappoints in bringing the most twisted and deranged violent behavior out of our roster of athletes. This night would be no different when Aaron Williams defended the Rockstar Pro World Championship against both “Legendary” Larry D and “The Catalyst” Dustin Rayz in a Three-Way Dog Collar Match! Let’s get to the action!
We began the show with a Casket Match between “The Destroyer” Jeremiah and “The Man Without F’n Fear” Kyle Maverick. It hardly seemed possible, but this one got more and more personal as the match drew nearer. Maverick even put his career at Rockstar Pro on the line, claiming that if he lost to Jeremiah in this one he’d never again step inside the Rockstar Pro Arena to compete. The brawling began immediately after the bell rang with these two attacking each other like wild animals. The violence escalated when Jeremiah chucked Kyle into a coffin filled with armed mousetraps. What a sicko! A kendo stick wielding Samantha Heights even got in on the action, bursting forth from a casket like an undead bride fighting for her betrothed! Unfortunately for the committed couple, Jeremiah blasted Maverick with his Baddest Kick in the World right into an open casket. Jeremiah needed only to close the lid to secure the win and ensure Kyle Maverick will never again be seen competing in a Rockstar Pro ring. A bloody excellent way to kick off the night’s horrific hauntings!
Next up was the Toys in the Attic Scramble. Participants included “The Revolutionary” Darius Lockhart, Crash Jaxon, Yoshimura, “The Razing Blaze” Rekka, “Forgettable” Pompano Joe, “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe, and “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone. It was unclear what made this Scramble a Toys in the Attic Match until the final competitor hit ringside. Alex Colon pushed a shopping cart full of weapons through the curtain with a sadistic smile spread across his face. Scrambles are already well known as controlled chaos, and adding hardcore toys only elevated the intensity. All eight men tore each other apart in the most brutal fashion imaginable. It was only when Colon landed a Spanish Fly on Pompano Joe through a massive sheet of plywood that a winner was declared! It was a great beginning to the night for The Night Ryderz, but would their luck hold out through the main event?
Rockstar Pro Day One Original Nate Wings faced “The Hawkeye” 1 Called Manders in a Monsters Beneath the Ring Match. The first competitor to be thrown over the top rope with both feet hitting the floor would lose the contest. Wings brought a powerful flashlight to the ring to triple check for monsters, but he spotted none. Manders seemed more focused on beating down Wings, while Nate’s preoccupation with unseen monsters ultimately led to his downfall. I have to hand it to him. Nate fought as if his life depended on it, pulling out all the stops and employing great use of leverage to topple his much larger opponent. After fighting to the outside of the ring ropes, Manders destroyed Wings with a mighty Powerbomb onto the ring apron. Nate’s crumpled frame fell lifelessly to the concrete floor, and the bell sounded out Manders’ victory. Shortly thereafter, a deranged “Madman” Fulton crawled out from beneath the ring. He muscled Wings into a sleeping back before swinging him like a baseball bat into the ring post! Nate’s body connected with a sickening thud before Fulton dragged him away. Could this be the ignominious end of Nate Wings?
The Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships were literally up for grabs when The Dirty (“Bulletproof” Brandon Edwards & “Cutthroat” Austin Manix) defended their straps against former Tag Team Champions The Hooligans (Devin & Mason Cutter) in a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match. This commentator could not think of better opponents for The Dirty than these two foulmouthed, fouler smelling, brawlers from the same mother! The Cutter brothers brought it to Edwards and Manix, pulling out all the stops as they battled for tag team gold. All four men used the tables and chairs with devastating results, while the ladders were primarily used as a means of access to the titles hanging above the ring. Both Mason and Austin climbed the tallest ladder in the building, punching one another in the face while grasping desperately for the Tag Team Championships. Austin got the better of the exchange and hit a Cutter on Mason through a table! This gave Brandon Edwards the chance to climb the ladder unmolested as he pulled down the belts. The Dirty successfully defend their position once again and remain your Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions!
What followed had the potential to destroy professional wrestling for all eternity. “The Sultan of Stank” White Mike went one-on-one with “Black Tremont” Timmy Lou Retton in a so-called Gym Nasty Match with the Invisible Man as a special enforcer. Apparently, White Mike called dibs on a McGriddle that he didn’t even want. Timmy devoured said McGriddle, and the Gym Nasties may never be the same because of it. I’m not going into to much detail here for fear of violating any obscure obscenity laws. You’ll just have to watch it on Rockstarpronetwork.com! Once Retton penetrated White Mike’s sticky mitten with condom-covered fist our official bailed on this match. It was left to the Invisible Man to make the three count and hand Mike the win in a match that defied all ties to time and space. Did this really happen? What has become of this sport I so love? What has become of this world? Why? Just why?
Up Next, the Great Pumpkin Patch Match pitted “True Grit” Ron Mathis against The President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey. “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone was there to protect his President right from the beginning. His efforts fell short, however, when the pumpkin he chose to throw at Mathis was filled with candy corn and plastic dinosaurs. Mathis chased off Boone with an air horn from another pumpkin, and the match could truly begin. These pumpkins were filled with some bizarre contents ranging from golden spikes to a staple gun to thumbtacks. Unfortunately for Brucey, it was the thumbtacks that would get him in the end. Mathis emptied the pumpkin full of tacks onto the canvas before delivering a killer Tombstone Piledriver to Grey right into the tacks! That was all for this won, as Mathis defeated Grey once again! This Administration always bounces back, so I’m certain President Grey’s approval rating will continue to climb.
“The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin took on one of the most famous names in wrestling when he faced “The Past, Present & Future of Professional Wrestling” Teddy Hart in an Over as Fuck Match. Hart impressed early on with his mat capabilities. Every time Ace tried to use his feet offensively, Hart would counter into a submission hold. Eventually, both Ace and Teddy took to the air. They put their bodies in serious peril as they flung themselves about the arena. Hart hit Austin with multiple Destroyers, but it was the one he delivered from the top of a ladder that kept Ace down for three. What an end to an exciting match! Hart then grabbed a mic to thank the Rocsktar Nation for their support. It was a wild match that undeniably got dangerous at points. However, one thing was for sure. Both of these wrestlers were over. Over as fuck. Like in the name of the match. Get it?
Our main event was a Three-Way Dog Collar Match for the Rockstar Pro World Championship. Rockstar Pro World Champion “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams defended his strap against both #1 Contender “Legendary” Larry D and Night Ryder “The Catalyst” Dustin Rayz. The one rule for this match was that a competitor must be in the ring and wearing his dog collar while pinning or forcing an opponent to submit in order to be crowned Rockstar Pro World Champion. It didn’t take long before all three men brawled out into the Rockstar Nation. Each competitor brought his own unique brand of sadism to this match. All three wrestlers were bloodied and battered by the end of this unsavory bout, but it was Rayz who proved that the smartest wrestler finds himself on top. He used bolt cutters to untether himself from his opponents in an act that both freed him from the restraints of the chain and obeyed the single match stipulation. Suddenly, the lights went out. When they came back on JT Davidson was in the ring! He threw a fireball into Williams’ face as payback for Aaron’s transgressions against Dave Crist a month ago at Weekend at Murray’s! This gave Dustin just what he needed to hit the Catalyst Driver on Aaron and become Rockstar Pro World Champion for the first time in his career!
What does it mean for Rockstar Pro now that Dustin is on top of the mountain? What will Larry D do after losing a title shot again without even being involved in the finish? Rayz first arrived at Rockstar Pro years ago to settle a personal score with Williams. When and how will Williams retaliate? The only ways to find out are by attending Rockstar Pro Wrestling shows in person every Wednesday night or by subscribing to Rocsktarpronetwork.com for just five bucks a month! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.