Rising from the Grave of Horror-Core
Rising from the grave of Horror-Core, I bring the unwashed masses of the Rockstar Nation yet another Amped recap! Last night's edition of the best weekly pro wrestling show in the business did not disappoint, even though Alex Colon failed to show up for his tag team title shot in the main event.
We kicked off the evening with Fight or Flight (Kyle Maverick and Nate Wings) versus the Hickey Boys. Maverick and Wings seemed extra ticked off after their loss to Night Ryderz in the LIGHTS OUT match at Horror-Core, and they took out their frustrations on the hapless Hickeys. Don't worry Hickeys, I'm sure you'll fight your way to a victory* someday.
As additional proof that sometimes the Wrestling Gods hate me, Samantha Heights and Jon Murray hit the ring for another installment of "Dear Sam... and Jon!" You know, for such a big man, Jon Murray sure has a lil' butt. Anyway, they invited the reigning and defending American Luchacore Champion "Juggernaut" Jeremiah to join them, only so they could mock him and bring the #1 Contender to the American Luchacore Championship "True Grit" Bruce Grey to the ring. The champ got sick of their crap and punted Heights, Murray, and Grey right in their big, dumb faces! Jeremiah really does have the Baddest Kick in the World! That's when all hell broke loose. The mysterious and huge Samson Walker attacked everyone mere days after jumping Ganger at Horror-Core. Sid Fabulous pounced on Walker to defend his teammate's honor, and then Ganger joined in to help out his little buddy. Grey downed Walker with a DDT, and a returning James Avery came out of nowhere to challenge "True Grit" to a fight.
The craziest edition of "Dear Sam... and Jon!" ever led directly into a bout between James Avery and Bruce Grey. It seems that in Grey's ascension to main event status/title contender at Rockstar Pro he has forgotten who got him there. Avery trained Grey but was kicked to the curb as soon as "True Grit" achieved a modicum of success. Avery's right! Bruce Grey is an ungrateful, unthankful jerk! After Avery's valiant effort and skillful countering of Grey's offensive repertoire, "True Grit" came out on top. Let's see how he fares against the American Luchacore Champion.
In a match that everyone (including yours truly) expected to be finished in an instant, Rockstar Pro World Champion Dave Crist faced Daniel Winchester in non-title action. Out of the blue, Winchester impressed everyone. That's what happens when a wrestler is given the opportunity to beat the champ. They rise to the occasion. Dave won, but it was a much more competitive contest than imagined. Afterwards, that blowhard jackass JT Davidson decided it was a good idea to grab a mic and start badmouthing Zachary Wentz. He even had the audacity to repeatedly call him, "The Kid." I'm sure he immediately regretted it when my bestie Wentz blasted his bad back with a steel chair. The #1 Contender to the Rockstar Pro World Championship then beat the ever-loving hell out of Dave, using "The King of Dayton"'s own offense against him in a humiliating and degrading display. It was a thing of beauty!
Next, we had crazy tag action featuring Bro Warriors (Darin Dinero and Clayton Jackson), Bad Dudes (Pompano Joe and Kyle Kwaven), and OI4K (Aaron Williams and Dezmond Xavier). As my broadcast colleague Mark Turner pointed out**, this was the battle of the wrestlers who lost at Horror-Core! It was definitely an exciting match, and in the end Bro Warriors won by pinning Aaron Williams. This is when things got really interesting. Williams claimed before the match that his whining and moaning after losing at Horror-Core was a mistake. He apologized. But after losing again, "The Baddest Man Alive" once again cracked. He humiliated ring announcer JP, stole his shoes, and hung them from the rafters. It was hilarious.
It turns out Samantha Heights doesn't take too kindly to getting kicked in the face. After the violence committed during her segment, she demanded that Rockstar Pro's owners grant her a match against Jeremiah that very night! Wish granted! Heights and Jeremiah had one helluva non-title bout. "The Lost Girl" more than held her own against the "Juggernaut", getting very aggressive and coming oh so close to a pinfall victory. But it was Jeremiah who kicked and licked his way to a victory, proving in the end that it's still all about him.
Our main event featured my family The Foundation (Jake Crist and Ron Mathis) defending their titles against Night Ryderz... or at least it should have been. It seems Dustin Rayz's tag team partner Alex Colon decided not to show up for one of the biggest opportunities of his career. Sure, Ron Mathis had Alex's mask and was mocking him all night long. But that doesn't prove anything. In their infinite compassion, management allowed Rayz to still challenge for the titles if he could find a tag team partner by the main event. He found "Man Scout" Jake Manning. What the actual hell? A maniac who stalks in the night teaming up with an overgrown do-gooder? Absurdity! Nevertheless, this matchup happened. Of course my fam came out on top and retained our Tag Team Championships. All it takes is a Torture Rack and a few Superkicks, and we win. Because we're the best. Forever. Forever! FOREVER!
That about does it for this week, you cretins. Subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to see all the action. And if you're in one of the major markets where it will be available, keep an eye out for us on Nu-TV. Until next time, this is your Rockstar Pro color commentator and Voice of the Foundation signing off.
*Perhaps in some alternate reality or parallel timeline. **Correctly, for once in his life.