Hey, dummies. There are shows, there are super shows, and there was December 28th, 2016. This week’s edition of Rockstar Pro Wrestling’s Amped was a benefit for the family of the late Ryan Albritton, and it was truly a once-in-a-lifetime super show!
Our opening contest pitted two individuals who have become synonymous with Rockstar Pro, as “White Trash Maniac” Ron Mathis faced “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams. Throughout the short but glorious history of Rockstar Pro, it always seems to come back to these two squaring off one-on-one inside the squared circle. This was a slobberknocker of a match made even more impressive by the fact that it was Williams’ first night back in action after management forced him to take time off after suffering a head injury at A Killer Xmas! In the end, however, Mathis hit a devastating Tombstone Piledriver for the win.
The first tag team match of the night was an intergender tag contest featuring the team of Kelly Klein & “Juggernaut” Jeremiah versus “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights & Jon “Nine Cans of Ravioli” Murray. This match was contested under “Jon Murray Pro Rules”... whatever the hell that means. Candy canes were licked, thumbs went into bums, beers were chugged, and Murray even called a timeout. It went back-and-forth before Klein and Jeremiah proved just how bad they could be and really knocked it into twelfth gear. Jeremiah rocked Heights with Ultimate Destruction in a winning effort that humiliated both Jon and Sam. Murray can’t even win a match contested under his own rules!
It wouldn’t be a super show without at least one title match, and those brawling bumpkins in The Hooligans were happy to oblige. The Hooligans (Devin & Mason Cutter) defended their Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships against newcomers Ugly Ducklings (Lance Lude & Rob Killjoy), Sid Fabulous & Bruce Grey, and Fight or Flight (Kyle Maverick & Nate Wings). Only those damn Cutter brothers would be foolish enough to put their newly-won titles on the line in a Four Corners Tag Team Match! It worked out for them, however unfortunately, as they targeted Wings with a Brutalsville Device to end an action-packed, high-flying affair. Afterwards, Rockstar Pro principal owner CW Scott was so impressed with the Ugly Ducklings that he invited them to compete next week at New Year’s Revolution. Quack quack?
The next contest proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that anything can happen at Rockstar Pro. In an unannounced contest, former Iron Curtain member Alex Daniels took on his former leader “The Handicapped Hero” Gregory Iron. These two really went at it, laying into one another in a manner that highlighted their complex history. Neither man would give in or stay down until a sneaky Schoolboy earned Iron a victory. After some hesitation, the two hugged it out in a sickening display of sportsmanship. Gross.
Another tag team contest would see former Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions Night Ryderz (Alex Colon & Dustin Rayz) take on The Alpha Breed (“Mr. All-Purpose” Remi Wilkins” & the returning “Greatest Show on Earth” Trevor Court). Both Ryderz really singled out Wilkins and isolated him from his tag team partner. They roughed Wilkins up enough to hit him with a Chalk Outline to bring this match to a quick end. Disgusted with his partner’s losing ways, Court put the beatdown on Wilkins after the match. I like this Trevor Court’s style. Real recognizes real.
If stipulations are your thing, Rockstar Pro has you covered. Ladders were legal weapons, as OI4K’s “Trigger” Trey Miguel went one-on-one against 2016 Tournament of Death winner Rickey Shane Page. Page was at a clear advantage in this one, considering his extensive deathmatch expertise. He expertly used the ladders offensively, pinballing Miguel around the ring. Trey calls himself a killer, and I must admit that throughout the entire match his intensity showed no signs of waning. The youngster fought through a great deal of pain and snapped of a surprise Loaded Clip on Rickey Shane Page for a massive upset victory.
Women’s matches are always a treat in the Rockstar Pro Arena, and our next contest was no exception. “The Gem City Queen” Nevaeh faced “Punk Rock Ragdoll” Heidi Lovelace. Lovelace was on the receiving end of a lot of abuse from Nevaeh, but she dished it out just as well. Both of these competitors displayed undeniable grace, passion, and ability in the ring. In what was perhaps a shout out to Mathis from earlier in the evening, Nevaeh hit a picture perfect Tombstone of her own for the 1-2-3 victory. The two embraced in a mutual display of admiration and respect that was significantly less revolting than what we saw earlier with Daniels and Iron.
Mosh Pit Scrambles have become a signature match in Rockstar Pro, so it came as no surprise that we would have our BIGGEST MOSH PIT EVER at this very special event. Over twenty men entered the ring, including Pompano Joe, Ganger, Low Rider, Daniel Winchester, Darin Dinero, Clayton Jackson, and a boatload of fresh faces. One name I already mentioned should stick out. He has to walk through doors sideways because his shoulders are so wide! That’s right! Crist and The Revolution’s own Clayton “Gainz” Jackson beat out all of his competitors to become the #1 Contender for the American Luchacore Championship. Congratulations, brother Clay! This one is for The Revolution!
Our main event was one for the ages. The original OI4K (“His Royal Badness” Jake Crist & “The Killer King” Dave Crist) battled their young proteges Scarlet & Graves (Rockstar Pro World Champion “The Sickest Dude in ALL the Land” Zachary Wentz & “Kardiac Kid” Dezmond Xavier). This was awesome! No matter what, one of my family members from Crist and The Revolution would stand tall at the end of the match! I don’t have to tell you how great this match was. If you couldn’t make it to the show, be sure to pick up a DVD of the night’s events. All proceeds will go to Ryan’s family to help pay for medical and funeral expenses. With that out of the way, at least I can spoil the finish for you turds. Wentz hit Jake with a mean Tower Two is Down for a pinfall victory. What a night!
Finally, that fat guy who looks like Kevin Owens struggled to get in the ring and received a standing ovation for some reason. The action is getting more and more intense as we draw closer and closer to New Year’s Revolution on Friday, January 6th! Until then, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and The Voice of The Revolution.