Voice of The Revolution (Amped 1-11-17)

Greetings, flesh bags! New Year’s Revolution was one amazing night, and big changes are happening at Rockstar Pro. So let’s skip the formalities and get straight to the action.

Last night’s Amped began in the sickest way possible with Clayton Jackson and Rockstar Pro World Champion Zachary Wentz in the ring. They simply reminded the Rockstar Nation of Wentz’s victory over Dave Crist and that Jackson is the #1 Contender for the American Luchacore Championship. “The Voice of Reason” Gee Gee joined them and justified his nickname with a sound explanation for his actions at New Year’s Revolution. He’s investing in Rockstar Pro’s future by investing in the young talent in The Revolution. Apparently, OI4K disapproves.

Our first match saw the tag team of Sid Fabulous and Bruce Grey square off against the duo of Patrick Henderson and Bendy Legs. As anyone with half a brain could guess, this was a short affair. Fabulous and Henderson bounced off of one another until their partners could tag in. Grey got the advantage over Bendy Legs and cinched in a Sugar Lock. That was that, as “True Grit” earned a win by submission.

A triple threat match followed with Daniel Winchester versus “The Pitbull” Ganger versus “The Madman from the Ozark Mountains” Alex Rudolph with Jackie Blue. Winchester was clearly the odd man out with his amateur wrestling background, as both Ganger and Rudolph have earned reputations as hard-hitting strikers. Winchester got in a few good licks and showed no mercy going after Rudolph’s injured foot, but Ganger’s vast array of suplexes proved superior. “The Pitbull” pulled out a Backslide to pin a battered Winchester. Ganger’s celebration didn’t last long though. Kraven overwhelmed him with a ruthless attack. These two hate each other almost as much as I’m disgusted by Jon Murray.

Speaking of “Captain Colostomy” Jon Murray, he was ringside as his best friend “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights faced Amazing Maria in a one-on-one women’s contest. Maria proved to be a tough opponent for Samantha by using her size advantage to throw the much smaller Heights around the ring. Maria seemed truly peeved at Sam, as she was undoubtedly still upset about her loss at United We Stand way back at the beginning of July. Maria ducked a charging knee by Heights, but Heights unleashed a back kick I like to call DTF to down her opponent and win the match. Things really got interesting when Bad Dudes showed up. “Juggernaut” Jeremiah is one complex individual. He’s really taken a liking to Heights, but he also enjoys beating her up. Oh well. I’m not about to get between a Bad Dude and the apple of his eye!

The next match saw a returning Trevor Court face “The Killer King” Dave Crist in a singles bout. This one immediately went off the rails. When things spilled out of the ring Crist actually used a member of our security staff as a weapon! This is what happens when a man thinks the rules don’t apply to him! Court fought back with powerful strikes and a beautiful Suplex/Lungblower combination. However, Trevor’s past came back to bite him. His former tag team partner Remi Wilkins came from out of nowhere to chase Court around the ring. Dave took advantage of a desperate Trevor and pinned him with a Courtesy Flush. After that match Dave better hope our security staff doesn’t lawyer up!

In a massive tag team matchup, the Rockstar Nation witnessed N3 (Myron Reed & Jonathan Wolf) versus Fight or Flight (Kyle Maverick & Nate Wings) versus Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) versus The Hooligans (Devin & Mason Cutter). The Hooligans and Night Ryderz went directly after each other with fists flailing. N3 and Fight or Flight also showed some fire with plenty of aerial acrobatics. It’s always difficult for referees to control matches with the ring so full, and this was no exception. Eventually those brawling bumpkins gained the upperhand. The Hooligans absolutely crushed Wolf with an assisted Swanton to get the win and stay at the head of the tag team pack.

The American Luchacore Championship was on the line as newly crowned champion “Trigger” Trey Miguel faced “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams in our sole title match of the evening. Aaron was focused, cold, and calculating. His strikes always hit with significance. It seemed he was destined to win, but we should never underestimate the drive of a champion to hang on to his gold. Trey eked out a victory with a Small Package, but he didn’t look like much of a winner while Aaron was kicking his ass after the match. If you ask me Williams was the true killer in that matchup!

New Year’s Revolution saw Jake Crist get the better of Ron Mathis and go up 1-0 in their Best of Seven Series. Our Main Event of Amped was round two, as “The Artist”, “His Royal Badness”, “The Prince of the DYT” Jake Crist went toe-to-toe with “White Trash Muscle” Ron Mathis. This was as evenly-matched as a wrestling contest has ever been. Mathis and Crist traded Superplexes. Just think about that. Multiple Superplexes couldn’t keep either of these two down! It was a heated affair that absolutely could have gone either way. Just as Jake was about to get one over on Mathis, Sid Fabulous oozed out of the audience and hopped onto the ring apron. JT Davidson promptly disposed of him, but not before Bruce Grey slid into the ring and blasted Jake with a DDT. What the hell? That’s all it took for Mathis to get the cheap win and tie the series at 1-1. Afterward, Jake upped the ante. He asked that round three next week be contested as a No Disqualifications Match, and CW granted his request! Don’t miss this match next Wednesday!

Whew! My fingers are tired. I hope you ingrates appreciate all of my effort that goes into writing these recaps. Who am I kidding? Most of you can’t even read! Nevertheless, the struggle continues. Until next week, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and Voice of The Revolution!

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