Voice of The Revolution (Amped 2-15-17)

Greetings, you wastes of toothpaste! Rockstar Pro is on a roll! We’re well into February and on our way to March’s In Like a Lion iPPV. Read on to find out what happened on this week’s edition of Amped.

Match one featured two former American Luchacore Champions going head-to-head, “Juggernaut” Jeremiah (who bravely defended the title for months) and “Trigger” Trey Miguel (who held it for a cup of coffee). Jeremiah was prepared to wrestle in a dress, but of course “The Lost Girl” Samantha Heights had to rub it in. The little slattern brought Jeremiah a mint green replacement for his lacy, white attire. Whatever. The clothes on a wrestler make no difference, as everyone witness when Jeremiah pushed Trey to his limits. It was power versus speed, and Miguel ran into a brick wall. Jeremiah hit a brutal Ultimate Destruction for the pinfall win over Trey. No matter what he wears, a Bad Dude is always a Bad Dude!

Next, JP invited Kyle Maverick to the ring to address matters of his injuries and his future at Rockstar Pro. Kyle was visibly shaken, revealing that he suffered a severe concussion and spinal compression at the fat hands of DJ Hyde in FIVE’s Armageddon Games. He waffled a bit and admitted that he has been considering, “life outside of professional wrestling.” Maverick is perhaps at the biggest crossroads of his life. It seems we’ll soon find out if “The Man Without Fear” is an accurate description of Kyle Maverick.

The next match was the first in round one of our Tag Team Tournament for the Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships. It featured The Foundation’s “True Grit” Bruce Grey and “White Trash Muscle” Ron Mathis versus the team of Patrick Henderson and James Baker. How the hell did Henderson and Baker get into this tournament!? I suspect foul play. Anyway, anyone with half a brain can figure out how this match ended. Mathis and Grey ran roughshod over their opponents until Grey hit a DDT on the bigger one to spell the end for Henderson and Baker. The Foundation moved on to round two, as Sid Fabulous hit Sid Knees on a defeated Henderson to add insult to injury.

Dammit. Just as I was starting to enjoy myself, Jon Murray had to enter the picture. He squared off against Daniel Winchester in a “Jon Murray Pro Rules” Match because Jon Murray is an asshole. He fed a beer to young Winchester before Taking Care of Business. Winchester tried to fight fire with fire. But Murray must be the King of Fat Asshole Style, as he turned any rectum-based attack to his own advantage. Murray won with a Halbach Drop. Let’s move on.

It was a Fatal 4-Way when “The Pitbull” Ganger faced off against Pompano Joe, “The Infinite” Cole Radrick, and “The Wild Man from the Ozark Mountains” Alex Rudolph. This match was as physically punishing as anything we’ve seen in a wrestling ring. Ganger, Joe and Rudolph seemed to take great joy in beating the holy hell out of the fresh-faced Radrick. The plucky youngster tried his best to stay in it, but he was significantly outgunned. Ganger nailed him with a nasty Package Piledriver for the win. “The Pitbull” didn’t stand tall for long before being attacked from behind by an enraged Kraven. Kraven’s newfound passion for eating the weak and wearing jean jackets could not be denied.

“The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams went one-on-one against the man who may have just lost his Fight or Flight tag team partner, Nate Wings, in our next matchup. Wings declared he would fight twice as hard now that Maverick is at least temporarily benched. Unfortunately for Nate, “The BMA” was in a foul mood that night. Williams made crystal clear his intent to punish Nate Wings before defeating him. Like a big cat toying with his next meal or an assassin manipulating his high-priority target, Williams simply picked Wings apart. He bludgeoned his much smaller opponent in the head with a flurry of Roundhouse Kicks before pinning his victim. It seems that spending time alongside Night Ryderz has truly unleashed Williams’ wrath.

Speaking of Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon), they faced Flip N’ Knees (“Hot Fiya” Myron Reed & Marcus Everett) in the second of our first round matches in the Tag Team Tournament for the Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships. This was a much more competitive match than the first contest in the tournament, as two teams with wildly different styles clashed in a violent confrontation. As one could assume from their tag team name, Flip N’ Knees was all about high energy, a fast pace, and high-flying offense. Night Ryderz, on the other hand, just love kicking ass. When Colon screamed out to Rayz, “Dustin, give ‘em the Ride of Death,” we knew the end was near. One Chalk Outline later, and Night Ryderz moved on to round two.

Our main event was an international incident, as OI4K’s Jake Crist and Dave Crist joined forces with honorary OI4K member Shigehiro Irie to take on my best friends and the greatest collection of raw talent in pro wrestling history The Revolution (“The Sickest Dude in ALL the Land” Zachary Wentz, “Kardiac Kid” Dezmond Xavier, and American Luchacore Champion Clayton “Gainz” Jackson)! If I had to compare this match to a nonsensical blockbuster movie franchise staring Vin Diesel I’d say it was fast and furious! It was the kind of action that wrestling fans can only get at Rockstar Pro. Despite an amazing effort from my family, OI4K took advantage of the numbers game when Darin Dinero came from out of nowhere to lightly brush Dave Crist’s foot and lure Clayton to a fight in the locker room. Unfortunately, Zach ended up on the receiving end of a Superkick-Suplex-Magdalene Cutter combo to bring the match and the evening to an close. Then, Irie decided this victory entitled him to a World Championship shot. Somehow CW Scott agreed, as he added Shigehiro Irie to the title match between Wentz and Callihan at In Like a Lion. Outrageous!

Head on out to 1106 E. 3rd Street in Dayton for the greatest live professional wrestling you’ll ever see! Failing that, you can catch all the action by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and Voice of The Revolution!

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