Holy shit, stroke tokens. What an evening full of action and drama! Much like March weather, Rockstar Pro came In Like a Lion last night. It was a wild event with three title matches and more. By the end of the show, even the warmth of lamb’s wool would provide no comfort.
Our opening contest was the final match in our Tag Team Tournament. It was the upstart Ugly Ducklings (Lance Lude & Rob Killjoy) versus OI4K (“The Artist” Jake Crist & “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist) battling it out to determine who would become Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions. Ugly Ducklings previously defeated Night Ryderz and Bad Dudes, while OI4K had to get through The Revolution and The Foundation to get to this point. It was a fast-paced, incredibly athletic contest. In a true shocker, Ugly Ducklings hit a quick Roll Up to reverse an OI4K double-team and got the 1-2-3. Lance Lude and Rob Killjoy are the new Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions! The best part of the match would come after it ended. Just as OI4K were congratulating Ugly Ducklings, The Foundation hit the ring and beat the hell out of absolutely everyone. Sid clobbered JT Davidson’s bad back with a steel chair. Bruce Grey went Ultra Mega Mass with the DDTs, and Mathis’ Torture Rack looked more devastating than ever before! Let the duck hunting season begin!
Nate Wings sought vengeance for his tag team partner Kyle Maverick against “The Lariat” DJ Hyde in the second matchup of the night. It was only last month that Maverick suffered a career-threatening injury at the fat, greasy hands of DJ Hyde. Wings often faces opponents three times his size in the ring, but last night was personal. Wings did everything within his power to take down that fat turd. Unfortunately, DJ’s girth proved insurmountable. One well-placed Lariat put an end to Nate’s dream of revenge. At least that yuck puddle DJ didn’t injure Wings as well.
Match three was a Mosh Pit Scramble, and GOD DAMMIT JON MURRAY! Alright, alright. I can do this. Entrants included Pompano Joe, Timmy Lou Retton, Mallaki Matthews, Daniel Winchester, Marcus Everett, White Mike, Ganger, Myron Reed, Ace Austin Shakespeare, Alex Colon, Dustin Rayz, and that fat asshole Jon Murray who demanded the match be contested under “Jon Murray Pro Rules.” This one was pure chaos! The action immediately spilled outside the ring, as absolutely nobody wanted a piece of Murray’s thumb. Little Marcus of Flip N’ Knees gunned for the high risk move of the night. He climbed a steel support beam quicker than a nun’s first curry and executed a Moonsault practically from the ceiling! Oh yeah, and Murray won with a Halbach Drop. The end.
A Grudge Match between “Mr. All-Purpose” Remi Wilkins and “The Greatest Show on Earth” Trevor Court was up next. These two had a lot of history, from tag teaming to feuding over the American Luchacore Championship. It would all come to an end at In Like a Lion. The action immediately spilled outside of the ring, as it was clear these two were much more interested in having a fight than a wrestling match. In the end, Remi finished Trevor with a smooth Lemon Pepper to earn the pinfall victory. It was at this point that the Rockstar Nation was informed that this was to be Remi’s final match as he was retiring from pro wrestling after a long career. I say good riddance!
“Trigger” Trey Miguel faced off against CZW World Champion “Chainsaw” Joe Gacy in a non-title match. Trey hit the ring with some real fire, showing just how much he wanted to prove himself to a world champion. Gacy came to Dayton with a game plan, targeting Miguel’s left arm and shoulder throughout the entire match. In the end, Gacy locked in a submission on Miguel’s battered left arm to tap the kid out and earn a well-deserved victory.
My best bro Clayton “Gainz” Jackson probably has the coolest mom in wrestling. He also has The American Luchacore Championship. He also has the best team in The Revolution. All that and more drove a jealous Darin Dinero mad. It came to a head at In Like a Lion with the Luchacore Title on the line. Dinero somehow cobbled a strategy together and used wood and chairs to try to gain the advantage. Clay, however, proved once again that he is the best bro with the Muscliest Musclebuster Ever to keep the belt draped over his massive shoulder! The American Luchacore Champ is right at home in The Revolution.
Speaking of my family, The Revolution’s “Kardiac Kid” Dezmond Xavier had his capable hands full last night in a one-on-one bout against Aaron Williams. Of course Night Ryderz were right there in Aaron’s corner. Aaron recently called Dez out, so my best bud felt he must step up to the challenge. Dez looked great, making the most out of every opportunity. He would’ve won too if those damn Night Ryderz hadn’t interfered! After a vicious triple-team by Colon, Rayz and Williams, Aaron hit a Cradle Piledriver to get the win. There was something new in Williams last night. Something calm, efficient and precise. Frankly, it was something fucking terrifying.
That takes us to our main event. It SHOULD have been a singles match for the Rockstar Pro World Championship between champion “Space Cat” Sami Callihan and The Revolution’s “Sickest Dude in ALL the Land” Zachary Wentz. It WAS a Triple Threat when “Japanese Beast” Shigehiro Irie was added for seemingly no reason. It BECAME a Fatal 4-Way just before our opening bell when the dress-wearing “Juggernaut” Jeremiah pressed CW Scott until he was added to the match. All I’m saying is my best friend Zach deserved a one-on-one rematch. Much of the action took place outside the ring in this wild one, and when Callihan drove both himself and Wentz through plywood onto the concrete floor Jeremiah took full advantage. He delivered a Baddest Kick in the World to an unaware Shigehiro Irie and pinned the “Japanese Beast” for the three-count! By winning his first World Title shot in his first Rockstar Pro iPPV main event, “Juggernaut” Jeremiah is your new Rockstar Pro World Champion! I... I... I need some time to process this.
What a follow-up to last month’s Five Year Anniversary show! Remember you can catch all the action of Amped every Wednesday at Rockstar Pro Arena or by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and Voice of The Revolution.