Voice of The Revolution (Amped 4-19-17)

Greetings, fartboxes! Rockstar Pro is on a roll. As the temperature outside rises, the in-ring action is getting even hotter. If you’re not at Rockstar Pro Arena every Wednesday night you’re missing some of the best pro wrestling in the world today. Or you could be a slacker turd and just read what follows. Let’s get to the wrestling!

We kicked things off with two youngsters in the ring. It was “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed taking on “The Infinite” Cole Radrick. These two competitors couldn’t appear more different, but they’re both fighting hard to establish themselves at Rockstar Pro. Cole bounced around the ring like a pinball, while Myron seemed more focused on the task at hand. Ultimately, Reed punished Radrick with the Spanish Fly he calls Firefly to secure the pinfall victory. That Myron thinks he’s so hot. Bleh.

Two tag teams reunited in the ring when Fight or Flight (Kyle Maverick & Nate Wings) faced Bad Dudes (Pompano Joe & Rockstar Pro World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah with Samantha Heights). The Rockstar Nation was thrilled to see Maverick and Wings working together again, but who cares about that? Once again, Wings and Maverick’s success was hampered by their inability to cooperate. They tried their best to hang and bang, but Bad Dudes dominated. Maverick’s return to the ring may be a brief one, as Jeremiah nearly decapitated him with a Baddest Kick in the World to bring this match to an end. As far as the Rockstar Pro World Champion is concerned, there are only Bad Dudes.

The third match of the night pitted “The Pitbull” Ganger against Daniel “The Dream” Winchester. This one was power versus technique, and power won. Winchester stayed alive for longer than most would predict, at times really taking the fight to Ganger. “The Pitbull” would not be the first to fall to the winless wonder. Ganger buried Winchester’s skull in the mat with a mean Tranquilizer to bring this one to a quick end. Will Winchester ever win? That question is, of course, rhetorical. No. No, he will not.

Just when we were getting into the swing of things and building some substantial momentum, Jon Murray’s music rang out to ruin my evening. “The Professional Athlete” went gut-to-gut against Darin “Sex” Dinero. This match was contested under “Jon Murray Pro Rules,” whatever the holy hell that means. True to form, Murray kicked things off by challenging Dinero to a beer chugging contest. He easily bested his younger counterpart, but Darin had other plans. He pulled a bottle of the hard stuff out from under the ring. Most of the match was spent with the two challenging one another to quaff more and more of the mystery booze. It was gross. Then, Murray hit Dinero with a S’beer to end the match. It took quite awhile for Murray to recover well after the bell had rung, but my dreams of him dying in the ring would not come true. Not this time anyway.

Six-man tag team action got things back on track, as Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz, Alex Colon & Aaron Williams) battled The Foundation (Ron Mathis, Bruce Grey & Sid Fabulous). The Ryderz were ready for a fight, and The Foundation absolutely brought it to them. After weeks of dominating their opponents, it was clear from the demented smile spreading across Dustin Rayz’s face that Night Ryderz got what they were looking for. It was a slobberknocker from beginning to end, but it was when the brutal brawl spilled outside of the ring into three separate fist fights that gave our official no choice but to throw the match out. I think Night Ryderz have finally met their match. The Foundation doesn’t fear them, and Night Ryderz thrive on fear.

Next JP welcomed American Luchacore Champion “Trigger” Trey Miguel to the ring. Trey claimed he would prove to be the greatest Luchacore Champion ever by putting his title on the line every week in an open challenge. Maxwell Jacob Feinstein took advantage of this huge opportunity and answered the call. Feinstein is awesome, and he truly pushed Trey to his limits. MJF worked Treys arm diligently to weaken it up for the Fujiwara Armbar. Unfortunately, Trey had enough left in the tank to reverse the hold into a Double Tap for the submission victory. Feinstein may not have won American Luchacore gold, but he’s still better than you. If Trey Miguel is dumb enough to put his title on the line every week, it’s only a matter of time before someone takes it from him. After the match, my best bro Clayton Jackson attacked Trey and gave him the Muscliest Musclebuster Ever. He looks even bigger after returning from England. Welcome home, Clay! That belt will be back around your waist in no time!

Former Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions made their triumphant return to Dayton after being out of action since Mason Cutter’s horrible injury at FIVE. Both Cutter brothers and Uncle Leo were back, but Mason was still clearly unprepared to get in the ring. Devin grabbed a mic to announce his tag team partner for the evening. The Rockstar Nation went wild at the sight of “The Gem City Queen” Nevaeh in filthy, massive bib overalls! It was The Hooligans (Devin Cutter & Nevaeh Hooligan) versus the unlikely pairing of Little Marcus Everett and “The Madam Merc with the Mouth” Slady Wilson! Wilson and Everett are both full of potential, but they were outclassed by two veterans of the sport that night. Nevaeh lifted Marcus for the Brutalsville Device, and Devin finished the job. Hooligans won their first match back at Rockstar. Afterward, Rockstar Pro World Champion Jeremiah viciously kicked an unaware Nevaeh in the head, kicked Uncle Leo square in the nuts, and went after everyone near the ring. It wasn’t until Jake Crist ran in to tend to Nevaeh that Jeremiah’s attack came to an end. The Champ is really getting into the head of “The Artist” as their title match at Gem City Slam draws near.

Our main event of the evening was guaranteed to be a scorcher. It was a one-on-one contest between a shaken and pissed off “The Artist” Jake Crist and my best bud The Revolution’s “Kardiac Kid” Dezmond Xavier. Need another reason to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com? You have it right here. The start of the match sickened me, as Jake kicked Dez in the head so many times I lost count. Xavier was resilient and fought back. He was just building momentum and went for a high-risk move off the top turnbuckle when Crist caught him with the Work of Art. 1-2-3, and “The Artist” had his hand held high. Now we get to the part I don’t want to address. My best friend “The Sickest Dude in ALL the Land” Zachary Wentz came to the ring, seemingly to console a defeated Xavier. They embraced, then Wentz utterly destroyed Dez with the Poop Curtain. I’m unsure what’s going on, but I’m certain Zachary knows what he’s doing. He always does. He’s my best friend.

That’s it for now, butt bumpers. Be sure to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to see every Amped and every iPPV plus content from PCW. Or just show up in person, lazy asses! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and Voice of The Revolution.

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