Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 5-31-17)
Welcome, turd lords, to yet another recap of Rockstar Pro's Amped. Let's skip the pleasantries and get right to the action!
The night began with that bozo ring announcer JP introducing the Rockstar Pro World Champion “Gem City Queen” Nevaeh. She didn’t even get a word out before Samantha Heights took the fight directly to our World Champion. Nevaeh and Sam brawled in the ring, outside of the ring, into the Rockstar Nation, and back into the locker room. It was nuts! It just goes to show how much that title means to each and every competitor at Rockstar Pro.
Our first match of the evening pitted two entrants in the Tournament of Flight against one another, as Space Monkey faced Nate Wings. Space Monkey was welcomed with a hail of bananas from the food-wasting morons in the Rockstar Nation. This match displayed the type of high-flying action you can only see at Rockstar Pro. Space Monkey was very impressive and took Wings to his limits. However, Wings got Monkey into position and punished him with a 450 Splash off the top rope for the win. Nate Wings stood tall, but will he be as successful in the first round of the Tournament of Flight against Alex Daniels on Friday? You’ll have to be there to find out.
Next up, we saw the team of Darin Dinero and “The Infinite” Cole Radrick face the first time pairing of Ace Austin and Marcus Everett in a tag team contest. For teaming up for the very first time, Ace and Marcus actually managed to work fairly well together. All that really matters, however, is results. Somehow, Cole and Darin hit Send ‘Em Packin’ again to win the match! I can’t believe these two idiots are 4-0 as a tag team! This can’t possibly last much longer. Right? RIGHT!?
Triple threat action followed, as ‘The Pitbull” Ganger and Kyle Maverick and Pompano Joe sparred in the squared circle. Ganger brought his clubbering style, Maverick displayed fierce and precise strikes, and Joe showed the wisdom and focus of a true veteran. Pompano Joe was perfectly happy watching Ganger and Maverick slap the crap out of one another until the perfect moment for action presented itself. In the end, Pompano Joe hit his patented Homey Driver on Ganger to win the match. Joe is truly a Bad Dude!
After this matchup we heard a commotion coming from the bandstand. The brawl between Heights and Nevaeh continued! Neveah threw Sam off the bandstand into the metal loading dock door. They threw wild haymakers at one another, fighting into the Rockstar Nation. Just as they grabbed chairs, CW and Gee Gee brought all of security to the fight and pulled these two warriors apart. It’s going to be one helluva battle for the Rockstar Pro World Championship at the inaugural Tournament of Flight!
In another Tournament of Flight preview, we witnessed “Hot Fire” Myron Reed take on “Zombie Hunter” Mentallo. Mentallo was certainly impressive, displaying not just agility but also a great deal of power within the ring. He started off strong and dominated Reed in the early goings. The longer this match went, the more back and forth the momentum shifted. It was either competitor’s to take. Myron suddenly snapped off a Firefly from out of nowhere to get the pinfall victory. Does the young sensation Myron Reed have what it takes to win the Tournament of Flight? He’ll certainly have his work cut out for him in the first round against AR Fox!
Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz, Alex Colon & Aaron Williams) faced Canadian Wrestling’s Elite (Danny Duggan, Tyler Colton & Shane Saber) in six-man tag action. I loved this match! CWE took it directly to Night Ryderz and brutalized them for a majority of the match. It’s so satisfying to see those bullies get a taste of their own medicine! Unfortunately, Night Ryderz are also fluent in the language of violence. Aaron guarded the ropes while his teammates went for the Ride of Death on Saber. That’s all it took to earn Night Ryderz the three count win. Duggan will face Space Monkey while Williams battles Scorpio Sky in the first round of this weekend’s Tournament of Flight.
Next we had one half of a great match, as “White Trash Muscle” Ron Mathis* went abs-to-flab against “The Professional Athlete” Jon Murray**. Mathis came into this match with a plan. While Murray was acting like an idiot as usual, Mathis targeted Murray’s meaty left haunch. Somehow, Murray managed to pull off the Dassey Driver and pinned Mathis for the win. He couldn’t have felt like much of a winner for long, as Mathis continued to kick his leg out of his leg for an enjoyable eternity after the match. Finally! It seems as if The Foundation are taking a stand against Jon Murray’s unique brand of bullshit.
Our main event was a result of confrontations in the main event of last week’s Amped. It was the team of Wendy & Lisa (“The Artist” Jake Crist & the American Luchacore Champion “Trigger” Trey Miguel) versus “Juggernaut” Jeremiah & the #1 Contender for the American Luchacore Championship “The Supplement Savage” Clayton Jackson. This match had it all. Randall would have hated it. There was a never-ending waterfall of dives. There was a Cutter party. Zachary Wentz returned with an unpredictable Cutter on Jackson. I refuse to focus on that. There were a million reasons in this match alone to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com. In the end, Crist nailed Jeremiah with a Destroyer to earn the pinfall victory. Wendy & Lisa won again, but Jeremiah and Clay wouldn’t let them celebrate.
What happened after the match truly blew me away. As Jackson and Jeremiah stomped on Crist and Miguel, “The Dream” Daniel Winchester hit the ring. He seemed to be protecting Trey from Jeremiah and Jackson’s attack. That was, until he told the referee he wanted to cash in his Gem City Rumble Winner’s Contract in the smartest decision of his young life! With a swift Swedish Accent, Winchester dropped Trey Miguel and pinned him to the mat 1-2-3. Daniel Winchester is the new American Luchacore Champion in his very first singles win! He is Losechester no more!
What an insane night of professional wrestling action! It’s about to get even crazier this weekend at Rockstar Pro’s first ever Tournament of Flight! Be there Friday, June 2nd and Saturday, June 3rd to catch it all. Not only will you see the best high-flyers North America has to offer, but the Rockstar Pro World Championship will be on the line as Nevaeh defends against Samantha Heights in the first-ever women’s match for the World Championship! If you’re not there for this, you’re just plain dumb. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.
*The great half of the match
**The fat half of the match