Todd's Tall Tales


Hello, dear reader! My name is Todd. If you are local to the Dayton area, you may know me as the man behind the concession stand or as ringside security or as a general janitor. Before that I was a soldier, a car salesman, and a warehouse specialist. I worked in the restaurant industry, and most recently I install commercial interiors. I've been to the darkest corners of the world and through the brightest skies. I've hunted with the salt of the earth and played music to of a packed stadium. Throughout all of these travels, I've collected a library of stories. Some are funny, some heartwarming, and some filled with sorrow. I hope you enjoy all the insanity I've lived through. I assure you that living through it was all the more enjoyable for me.

Mikael Wrestles a Bear


Why the Children of Kettering Hate Me

It is a fairly well known fact that since I started coming to Rockstar Pro Arena, I have fallen madly in love with all things Rockstar. What is not so well known is that I have been friends with most of the roster for a much longer time. In the cases of the CW Scott and Mikael, we have been friends for over two decades. During that time we have shared some crazy adventures, but none were as completely insane as the time Mikael wrestled a bear.

I can't remember clearly who all was with us on that sunny afternoon. I know both of them were there along with my friend Andy whom had the incredible talent of making me drink much more than any rational person would. There were others there too, but they are lost to the haziness of a good drunken stupor.

Needless to say, the day started out as a normal fall saturday afternoon. Andy and I got a group together for a round of frisbee golf up at the Belmont course. Per tradition, we packed a backpack full of beer and headed to the park. If you are familiar with the nationally ranked frisbee course at Belmont park, you know that there is a meeting place with two picnic tables before hole 6. By the time we got to that point, I was more than half in the bag and 15 shots over par (losing make you thirsty). Much to our surprise, we found both brothers sitting at the picnic tables discussing the approach to hole 11, just off the other side of the table area. Since both Andy and I were drunk and obnoxious, our group decided to join CW and Mikael in hopes of ending the embarrassment as quickly as possible. Much to everyones chagrin Andy and I didn't get any better for the last four holes, both in consideration to our golf game and our consumption. By the time we were putting for the last hole it was obvious that we were going to need some sobering food before we were going anywhere else.

I don't know whose bad idea it was, but it was a doozy. You see, back when we were all much younger there was a company that offered pizza and video games hosted by an animatronic cartoon mouse. Because that business did so well there were plenty of knock offs. Thankfully for us, one of the said knock offs, Benny the Bear's Fun Time Super, was just around the corner. There was one other important feature about these types of businesses that changed well after this particular day. You could get beer with your pizza. Like I said, this was a horrible idea.

As soon as we made our way back to the dining room and pulled up our seats, we had two pizzas and five pitchers on their way. No more than ten minutes after our food and beer showed up, my friend Andy excused himself to go use the restroom. At first, none of us noticed that he had headed the wrong direction. However, after our server pointed it out, we all knew that there was going to be trouble. We all looked to where our server was pointing, just to see Andy by the side of the stage where the animatronic band was, watering the corner. Apparently, the employee dressed as a lion did not see the humor in the situation as he or she immediately tackled Andy and started pummeling him. I don't know exactly what happened after that because I ran over to save Andy. My fists were flying when the rest of the employees showed up. It was like the bullpen emptied at a baseball game. There were people fighting everywhere. Employees dressed as different animals, servers, parents, the rest of the guys, and I think I saw a few kids tossed around in that mess. The brawl probably didn't last long because we managed to escape well before the cops arrived and even before the fight ended.

Needless to say, we all felt as though we had had enough excitement for one day and we all went our separate ways. Andy and I went back to my house that I shared with three other friends to chill out and continue to drink (we both were pretty bad alcoholics). Around eight o'clock we heard one of my roommates calling for us like there was a fire. Andy looked at me with a "What now?" expression. Upon enter the living room we saw my other roommates staring at the television. The news was on, and the reporter was talking about an incident at Benny the Bear's Fun Time Super stating that there were four arrests and a number of injuries. The reporter continued by saying that the cops were still on the lookout for the instigators. Much to our delight, the news station had some grainy security footage of our romp through the children's amusement center. There we were, in all our glory, punching random character actors, parents, and anyone that got near us. Most surprisingly was Mikael, up on the stage, fighting the animatronic band with a focus on Benny the Bear himself! I quickly grabbed the phone and called him up. Mikael answered, and I asked excitedly, "Are you watching the news?"

"Heck yeah, I am," he replied.

"Do you see what you are doing?" I questioned, half expecting him to give a lame excuse as to why he wasn't helping us.

Instead Mikael yelled, "Hell yes! I wrestled a bear!"

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