Welcome to my latest Amped recap, you gang of dimwitted charlatans! Judgement Babe is coming soon. Whether I like it or not, Jon Murray is getting his dream match against Kikutaro. But don’t let that keep you away. Rockstar Pros who can actually wrestle will be there too! Anyway, let’s get to it.
The show began on a strong note with my bro Clayton Jackson defending his American Luchacore Championship against #1 contender “Hot Fire” Myron Reed. Myron may be setting the world on fire everywhere he goes, but Jackson was determined to extinguish his flame! Myron attacked Clay before the match even began, but Jackson is one helluva two-time American Luchacore Champion! Clayton hoisted up Myron for the Muscliest Musclebuster Ever to retain his title. Just like I knew it would happen.
Next up, The Foundation (“White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis & “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous faced Darin Dinero & “Kinetic” Cole Radrick in tag team competition. Dinero and Radrick haven’t had much luck after their initial 4-0 winning streak, and The Foundation entered the match with bad intentions. Let’s not forget Bruce Grey was ringside as always to aid his friends. He distracted Radrick while Mathis punished Dinero in the Torture Rack. Dinero had no choice but to submit, and The Foundation looked great as always! Watching Mathis in the ring is a lovely reminder that Jon Murray can’t ruin real wrestling in every match!
Our third match saw a hapless “The Dream” Daniel Winchester take on “The Pitbull” Ganger in singles action. The threw heavy hands at one another in an evenly matched contest, but no matter what Daneil did he couldn’t keep “The Pitbull” down. Ganger slammed Winchester’s face to the mat with a Tranquilizer, and three seconds later LOSEchester lost again!
“Legendary” Larry D squared off against “Iron Demon” Shane Mercer in the following one-on-one conflict. A couple of massive bruisers brutalizing one another is exactly what Rockstar fans enjoy. Larry D snapped Mercer’s spine over his shoulder to bring a brutal end to this hard-hitting match. The Rockstar Nation may have preferred Mercer over Larry D, but they couldn’t deny the big man’s victory. I expect to see both of these competitors back at Rockstar Pro soon.
Three tag teams faced off with Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) taking on Bad Dudes (Jeremiah & Pompano Joe) and The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards). There was excessive violence and dives galore. Dudes and Ryderz took turns focusing their aggressions on the Detroit-born Dirty. In the end it was Night Ryderz who were willing to go even further than their opponents. Colon screamed his head off, Rayz set Edwards up, and the Ride of Death brought Night Ryderz another victory.
Rockstar Pro day one original Nate Wings took on Zachary Wentz in our next match. It was a high-flying, fast-paced affair between two exception athletes. Even if one of them habitually turns his back on his friends and family. Anyway, Wentz spiked Wings on his head with a Dayton Destroyer to bring this one to an end. Afterwards, Clayton Jackson hit the ring to beat up the traitorous Wentz and put him through a board! Our entire security staff couldn’t stop Jackson!
The new Tag Team Champions were in non-title action, as The Hooglians (Devin & Mason Cutter) looked to continue their winning ways against Wendy & Lisa (Jake Crist & Trey Miguel). I really think Jake and Trey have lost their sanity. I know Jake’s a genius, and Trey has a great future ahead of him. But these guys now actually think that they’re Wendy & Lisa! When did everyone around me go crazy!? In the end The Cutter brothers squashed Miguel with a Drive By to win it. The Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions are determined to make Dayton more and more like Brutalsville every week.
The Rockstar Pro World Champion, the history-making “Gem City Queen” Nevaeh Crist defended her title against three-time former Rockstar Pro Champion “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams. Williams truly brought the fight to Crist, giving her everything he had. Despite his best efforts to stop her, our champion remained crafty and powerful. Nevaeh nailed Williams with a Code Red to keep the gold, as her streak of dominance reigns throughout Rockstar. She didn’t celebrate for long before all hell broke loose. The Foundation, Bad Dudes, and Wendy & Lisa all brawled in and around the ring. Of course that fat dickwad Jon Murray ruined everything. Does he think he’s really a Terminator? Or Sandman? Or both!? Mathis is right. Murray is ruining everything.
That’s it for this week, you bloated bozos. Be sure to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to keep up with all the amazing action involving your favorite Rockstar Pro wrestlers! And yes. Jon Murray’s on there too. God dammit. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.