Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 7-5-17)
Hey there, charlatans and scofflaws. Judgement Babe is only hours away, and things are getting crazier by the moment at Rockstar Pro. Read on to find out what happened at the last Amped before Jon Murray ruins wrestling forever!
The evening began with that traitorous, backstabbing Zachary Wentz going one-on-one against “Kinetic” Cole Radrick. Zach may be a dick, but he’s also an amazing athlete. Cole impressed by not only keeping up with Zach but also getting in a few good licks where he could. The match had a lightning quick pace that had the mouth-breathers in the Rockstar Nation on their feet hooting and hollering. In the end, a Dayton Destroyer was all Wentz needed to keep Radrick down for the three count.
Secondly, we saw “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous, accompanied by his Foundation brother “True Grit” Bruce Grey and Prospect, take on Darin “Sex” Dinero. Darin may have had the power advantage, but Sid’s a survivor. He held his own against the man called “Sex.” Prospect climbed the ring apron to mess with Dinero’s feeble mind, and Darin took the bait. I had a foreign object in my eye, so I didn’t quite see what happened as Bruce Grey approached the ring. Once my vision was restored, I saw Fabulous pin Dinero to win the match. Great work, Sid! Mark claimed that Bruce got in the ring and hit Dinero with a DDT. I don’t understand how a man with his arm in a sling could do such a thing. Sounds like fake news to me, Turner.
JP invited “Legendary” Larry D to the ring for a brief interview. Last week Larry D declared that the entire Rockstar Pro locker room had been “put on notice.” He told JP his ultimate goal was to win the Rockstar Pro World Championship. When the sound guy played D’s music as a sign to wrap it up, Larry took offense. A cowardly JP ran away as Larry D went backstage, pulled our sound technician into the ring, and beat the crap out of the poor guy. Nate Wings must have a death wish because he jumped in the ring in an attempt to stop Larry D. An impromptu match was made, and Larry D beat the ever-loving hell out of Wings. To Nate’s credit, he survived much longer than I expected. A Backbreaker Rack brought the match to an end, and Larry D stood tall over Wings’ beaten and bruised body.
Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions The Hooligans (Devin & Mason Cutter) were in non-title action against a team I call Two Brothers (The Baker & “Crosshairs” Kelly). Unfortunately for the Two Brothers, they were never able to knock it into twelfth gear and were dominated by Hooligans in this brief encounter. Hooligans cross-attacked and finished off Two Brothers with a Drive By. You better bet your bottom dollar that Hooligans are in for a much tougher fight when they defend their titles against Night Ryderz at Judgement Babe.
More tag team action followed with Detroit’s own The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards) going to war against Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon). Both teams are well-versed in violence, so this was bound to be a good matchup. Colon took Edwards down with a massive Suicide Dive that sent Edwards to the back with an injured shoulder. This left Manix in a handicapped predicament as he stood alone against Colon and Rayz. Night Ryderz were only able to dominate for a few minutes before Edwards returned. He clearly wasn’t 100%, but he was spoiling for a fight! Despite The Dirty’s best efforts, Night Ryderz hit Manix with a Ride of Death to win the match and gain some much needed momentum going into their title shot.
Our final singles match of the evening pitted former three-time Rockstar Pro Champion “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams against the young sensation “Hot Fire” Myron Reed. These two gave one another everything the had in an encounter that neither man would soon forget. Williams absolutely punished young Reed with a flurry of strikes throughout the contest. Every time Aaron was certain of his victory, Myron somehow got back to his feet. Aaron hit Myron with a Sunset Flip, but Reed countered quickly by sliding into a bridging Roll Up. Reed defeated Williams! This is a huge win for the young man as he prepares to face both Trey Miguel (Is he just going by Lisa now?) and Mr. 450 in Triple Threat action at Judgement Babe.
The main event of this Amped was an absolute doozy. In what I believe to be a first at Rockstar Pro, we had a ten-wrestler intergender tag match! The team of “Juggernaut” Jeremiah, “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights, Pompano Joe, “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis and my bro American Luchacore Champion Clayton “Gainz” Jackson against the team of Rockstar Pro World Champion “The Gem City Queen” Nevaeh, Wendy & Lisa (Jake Crist & Trey Miguel), “The Fat Asshole Who Always Gets What He Wants” Jon Murray, and “The Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist returning to in-ring competition for the first time in months! Oh, and because of reasons it was contested under “Jon Murray Pro Rules.” This one immediately got out of control. Multiple brawls broke out outside the ring, and the action spilled out into the Rockstar Nation. There were fist-fights, chairs to crotches, dives galore, and even kisses! A wild Sasquatch appeared and attacked Jackson while Nevaeh hit Code Purple on Jeremiah for the win. It turned out the Sasquatch wasn’t a Sasquatch at all. It was that jerk Zachary Wentz who then put Jackson through a board! You’ll get yours at Judgement Babe, Zach!
It’s getting wild as Judgement Babe draws near. With Jon Murray taking on Kikutaro it’s only going to get weirder. Additionally, every Rockstar Pro Championship will be on the line. Be there, or miss out on wrestling history! Catch us live at Rockstar Pro Arena or watch us streaming at Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.