Voice of Professional Wrestling (Judgement Babe 7-7-17)
Judgement Babe. Jon Murray is featured in his own Rockstar Pro iPPV. Let’s get this over with.
The night began with a bout for the American Luchacore Championship, as my bro Clayton Jackson defended his title against Zachary Wentz in a Boards Match. That sick dick Wentz managed to Powerbomb Jackson through two boards to keep Clay down for the three count. One match in, and already my night was ruined! I hardly have the heart to keep going, so let’s make this quick.
Match two was a singles contest between Darin Dinero and Nate Wings. Wings hit Dinero with a Top Rope Hurricanrana for the win. Afterward, a clearly disheveled and upset Daniel Winchester hit the ring to stomp Wings down and complain about being left off of the card. Apparently, somebody doesn’t like being called LOSEchester.
The Foundation (“White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis & “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous) took on Freelance Wrestling’s team of “Marvelous” Matt Knicks and “Violent” Rob Matter. Sid and Ron worked together perfectly as a team, while Knicks and Matter tagged together for the first time. I bent down for a drink of water, and when I looked back up Mathis had won with a pinfall! Mark contends that The Foundation’s Bruce Grey hit Matter with a DDT, but that can’t possibly be true. Bruce is injured and out indefinitely. Nice try, Turner!
“Kinetic” Cole Radrick was somehow given a title shot when he went head-to-head against Freelance Wrestling Champion Stevie Fierce. Radrick did his best to stay in the match with his incredibly annoying “never give up” attitude. Unfortunately for him, Fierce hit a mean-looking Unprettier to retain his championship gold. Better luck next time, Raddy! Not really though.
A Triple Threat match followed when Trey Miguel (Or Lisa. I don’t even know anymore.) faced off against Myron Reed and the sensational Mr. 450. This was the action-packed, lightning-quick affair anyone would expect from these high-flyers. In the end, Miguel hit Reed with a Loaded Clip to gain the glory and win the bout. The Rockstar Nation chanted “Please come back!” to 450. Suck up a little more, why don’t you?
I don’t want to talk about this next match. You can watch it at Rockstarpronetwork.com. Jon Murray’s dreams came true as he wrestled his hero Kikutaro. Fast-forward to the end, and blasted that Type 2 Titty Boy Murray with a Shining Kikuzard for the win. The best part of the match came after its conclusion when Mathis and the rest of The Foundation beat Murray to a pulp. Looks like your dream turned into a nightmare, you lump! Mathis has truly planted his flag in the beachhead and declared war on Murray’s fat, stupid ass.
Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) challenged Hooligans (Devin & Mason Cutter) for their Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships in one of the most violent affairs we’ve ever seen at Rockstar. It broke out into a brawl before the bell even rang, and CW turned this one into an Extreme Rules Match! These four men fought throughout the entire building using anything that wasn’t nailed down as a weapon. In the end, two Rides of Death on Devin Cutter brought us Night Ryderz as new Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions! A new era in violence for the tag team division has begun.
Our main event featured “The Gem City Queen” Nevaeh Crist defending her title against former champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah. Want to know exactly how it went hold-for-hold? Subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com! I’ll just say that after one of the most devastating Baddest Kicks in the World from Jeremiah, the Killer Cult wasn’t happy. Jeremiah made history and became Rockstar Pro World Champion once again!
What a night! Three Rockstar title matches and three new champions. I’m still stewing in my own rage over that Luchacore match. You know what? I need a break. I’m out of here! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.