Greetings, squish heads! I’m back! Judgement Babe took its toll on me, especially that brutal Boards Match for the American Luchacore Championship. But even being over a thousand miles away from Rockstar Pro Arena won’t stop me from fulfilling my duties as a broadcast journalist. I’ll restrict my commentary to the mic, as I’m far too much of a professional to editorialize here.
Two-time Rockstar Pro World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah, Samantha Heights, and Pompano Joe hit the ring to celebrate the beginning of Jeremiah’s second championship reign. Jeremiah surprisingly took out Joe, calling his former friend “dead weight.” Principal Owner CW Scott brought Pompano’s beating to a premature end by giving the once Bad Dude a title shot against Jeremiah in the main event.
My bro Clayton “Gainz” Jackson defeated “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams in a singles contest via the Muscliest Musclebuster Ever. See? Even losing the American Luchacore Championship can’t keep Clay down.
In more one-on-one action Mikael took on The Foundation’s “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous. Although Mark has insisted through various messaging services that Bruce hit Mikael with a DDT to give Sid the win, I simply know that cannot be true. Bruce is out indefinitely with that arm injury.
It’s good to know some things haven’t changed. Jake and Trey are still out of their minds. Wendy & Lisa (Jake Crist & Trey Miguel) defeated the pair of “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed & Nate Wings in tag team competition.
The traitorous Zachary Wentz put his American Luchacore Championship on the line against “The Dream” Daniel Winchester in a title bout. Early on in the match, Maxwell Jacob Friedman inserted himself into the contest. He has been collecting gold everywhere he travels after all. Wentz hit a great-looking Baywood Bomb, but then he got lazy. MJF took the pin to become the new American Luchacore Champion! Congratulations, Maxwell! That title nearly lasted an entire week around an undeserving waist.
“The White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis took on “Garbage Person” Jon Murray in a singles match. Mathis took the victory over that fat piece of crap with a little help from his friends in The Foundation. These guys stick together just like good friends ought to!
“Kinetic” Cole Radrick & Darin Dinero took on the new Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon). As only they can do, Ryderz dominated their opponents with a Ride of Death to keep their winning streak alive.
In our main event, Rockstar Pro World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah faced his former best friend and former Bad Dude Pompano Joe with the World Championship on the line. Pompano fought like a best friend betrayed, but it would do him no good in the end. Not to sound like a broken record, but Jeremiah blasted Pompano’s face with the Baddest Kick in the World to retain his gold. Afterward, Jeremiah chose to annihilate Samantha Heights by Powerbombing her onto the World Championship belt in what I’m sure was a perfectly rational decision.
The opening contest pitted The Foundation’s “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous against Darin Dinero in singles action. From what I hear, Prospect tried to interfere but only got in Sid’s way. That kid needs to learn his place! Darin won. Whoop-de-doo.
In the first matchup of our Rockin’ Robin Tournament to determine a #1 Contender for the Rockstar Pro World Championship “Hot “Fiya” Myron Reed defeated Nate Wings with not one, but two Fireflies! That’s a win for Reed and a loss for Wings. Momentum can be huge in a round-robin weeks-long tournament like this!
“The Legendary” Larry D returned to Rockstar Pro, and it seems he still had a chip on his shoulder. He defeated “The Dream” Daniel Winchester with a vile Backbreaker. I guess Winchester learned exactly what it means to be “put on notice” by Larry D.
In another Rockin’ Robin Tournament matchup “Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams faced “Everyone’s Homie” Pompano Joe. Aaron defeated Pompano with a quick Roll Up after a number of pin attempt reversals. Joe may want another shot at Jeremiah, but he’s going to need to turn his fortunes around to get it.
It’s equal treatment for all genders at Rockstar Pro Wrestling, and the same goes for the Rockin’ Robin Tournament. With that in mind, “Trigger” Trey Miguel (I thought it was Lisa!?) took on “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights. Despite the old saying about a woman scorned, the recently rejected Heights was unable to outwit Miguel. Trey hit Sam with a Loaded Clip to secure a win in his first match of this tournament.
Our final Rockin’ Robin Tournament match of the night saw my bro Clayton “Gainz” Jackson go toe-to-toe with “The White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis. That fat turd-licker Jon Murray stuck his significant girth into the match. The obese distraction cost Mathis, as Clayton caught him unaware with the phenomenal Spear he calls the 3CC!
The odd pairing of Jimmy Lloyd & Ace Austin were involved in tag team action against Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) as well as The Dirty (Brandon Edwards & Austin Manix) in our next contest. Rayz and Colon combined forces as usual to hit the Ride of Death. Once that happens, it’s game over for their opponents.
Our main event was a non-title match between two-time Rockstar Pro World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah and the young “Kinetic” Cole Radrick. At least, it was supposed to be a non-title match. Radrick talked himself into an actual shot at the World Championship! Cole fought hard at a quick pace. Nevertheless, “Juggernaut” kicked Cole so hard it almost knocked that dumb look off his face! Jeremiah continues to crush his opposition and remain the dominant force in Rockstar Pro Wrestling.