Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 8-9-17)
Greetings, poopy dicks! Welcome back to the best recap of the greatest weekly wrestling show in the world, Rockstar Pro’s Amped! It was week four of the Rockin’ Robin Tournament to determine a new #1 Contender for the Rockstar Pro World Championship, and the action truly heated up. We had three undefeated tournament entrants before the show. Who would remain lossless at the end of the night?
Our opening contest was a tournament match between “Trigger” Trey Miguel/”The Righteous One” Lisa Coleman and Nate Wings. We were prepared for an explosive match between two incredible athletes. Instead, Miguel/Coleman sneakily applied his former tag team partner “The Artist” Jake Crist’s patented Backslide called the Work of Art to end the match in less than two minutes! Miguel/Coleman becomes our first contender to reach 4-0, while Wings drops to a record of 1-3.
Tag team action followed when Detroit’s The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards) faced the brand new pairing of “IK3” Jonathan Wolf and “The Dream” Daniel Winchester. Winchester doesn’t seem to play well with others and just can’t keep a stable tag team partner. Nevertheless, he and Wolf gave The Dirty a good fight. It wasn’t until Wolf and Winchester (Wolfchester?) bickered with one another that The Dirty truly took control. They earned the victory when they hit a devastating double-team move I’m going to call 8 Mile Blight until they tell me otherwise.
In our second tournament match of the evening “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis took on “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights. Mathis outmuscled and dominated Heights for a majority of the match. Then, the unthinkable happened. It seemed Jon Murray had too much fun at The F’n Catalina Wrestling Mixer last Friday and passed out under the ring. Of course he came to just in time to ruin the match and distract a hapless Mathis. Heights took advantage and nailed Mathis with Shenanigans to win via pinfall. Heights progressed to an even 2-2, while Mathis fell to an insurmountable 0-4. Mathis is effectively out of contention, and it’s all because of Murray. Damn you, Jon Murray! Damn you straight to hell!
Triple Threat action followed as newcomer “Reverend” Ronnie Roberts took on “The Pitbull” Ganger and “The Legendary” Larry D. Roberts and Ganger were smart enough to focus their collective offense on Larry D, but they just couldn’t keep the big man down. Larry D impressed with both power and an amazing springboard assault on both of his opponents. In the end, it was Larry D who dropped his competition with a Backbreaker to win yet again. This guy is for real!
Our third Rockin’ Robin match of the night pitted my bro Clayton “Gainz” Jackson against Pompano Joe. It was pure power versus veteran experience in this matchup. Joe took Clay to the limit, testing his wit and wile as much as his physical prowess. But my bro is resilient and resourceful! Jackson nailed not one, but two 3CC Spears to keep Pompano down and earn the victory. Clayton stayed alive at 2-2, and Pompano joined Mathis at the bottom of the pile with a record of J0e-4.
Tag team action followed between The Foundation (“True Grit” Bruce Grey & “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous) with Prospect and Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon). Bruce looked great and has fully recovered from his shoulder injury, while Sid appeared as scrappy as ever. Unfortunately, A Ride of Death delivered to Fabulous would bring this match to an end. The Tag Team Champs are looking unbeatable of late.
Next up, we saw “Kinetic” Cole Radrick” take on “The Sickest Dick in All the Land” Zachary Wentz in a singles match. This was pure energy and madness through and through! If you really need another reason to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com, this match just might be what you’re looking for. High-flying? Check. Hard-hitting? Check. Extreme? Absolutely. These two young athletes tore the house down in a phenomenal competition. Unfortunately, Wentz finished off Radrick with a mean Springboard Cutter to the acclaim of the entire Rockstar Nation. Bunch of sheep! Idiots!
Our penultimate contest was a bit of fallout from the previous episode of Amped. Mikael wanted a measure of revenge against Rockstar Pro World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah after Jeremiah decimated him last week. Jeremiah agreed, and we had a non-title anything goes fight. To be honest, this was less of a match and more of a straight up mugging. Jeremiah beat Mikael from pillar to post with chairs, kendo sticks, and more. In the end the World Champion went coast-to-coast with a Cannonball off the top turnbuckle that put Mikael both through a board and out of commission. Fans of snuff films would have loved this match. It was brutal.
Our main event pitted two undefeated competitors in the Rockin’ Robin Tournament against one another. “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams faced “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed to see who would join Trey/Lisa at the top with a record of 4-0. These two athletes put on on helluva display, pulling out all the stops to grasp an all-important tournament win. Williams’ deadly strikes always hit their mark, but Myron proved to be unbelievably tenacious. “Hot Fiya” took the pinfall win after an incredible Firefly from the top rope. Williams drops to 3-1, while Reed remains undefeated at 4-0.
Myron Reed and Trey Miguel/Lisa Coleman are leading the pack in the Rockin’ Robin Tournament! Join us next week to see what happens next! Watch us at 6:05 PM on Saturdays on NU-TV, every Tuesday on FITE.TV, or by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.