Welcome back, turd lords! This was week five of Rockstar Pro’s Rockin’ Robin Tournament to determine a new #1 Contender to the Rockstar Pro World Champion. We’re only a couple short weeks away from Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em, so read on to catch up on the best pro wrestling in the biz.
Our opening match featured two combatants who shared the unfortunate distinction of being winless at the bottom of the Rockin’ Robin Tournament rankings. It was “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis versus “Everyone’s Homie” Pompano Joe. The two veterans didn’t let their place at the bottom of the tournament hold them back. Mathis almost had Joe until that fat asshole Jon Murray’s music started playing. That was just the distraction Pompano needed to pin Mathis with a quick Oklahomie Roll. Dammit, Murray! Mathis unjustly dropped to 0-5 while Joe advanced to a meaningless 1-4.
Match two was a tag team contest featuring some fresh new faces. “The Dream” Daniel Winchester teamed up with Donovan Danhausen against “IK3” Jonathan Wolf and Calvin Tankman. Wolf was Winchester’s tag partner just last week, but the two definitely didn’t cooperate. This was a chance for both men to have a measure of revenge. After a Knee Lift/Stunner combo, Donovan actually helped Winchester get a win! That’s three victories over his career at Rockstar Pro. Could this be a turning point for Winchester?
“The Legendary” Larry D continued his campaign of destruction at Rockstar Pro when he took on Crash Jaxon in a singles match. Larry D absolutely crushed Jaxon with a top-rope Splash for a quick win. Afterward, Ganger got in Larry D’s face and challenged him to a fight then and there. Unfortunately for Ganger, Larry D only fights for money. Management made the match, so it’ll be “Pitbull” Ganger versus “The Legendary” Larry D at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em in a Dayton Street Fight.
Our fourth contest was a Freelance Wrestling Triple Threat showcase featuring Freelance Champion Stevie Fierce against “Ultimo Gangster” Pat Monix and “Eye Candy” Elliot. All three competitors brought it, as the action was fast-paced and hard-hitting. Elliot got the advantage to take down Monix, but a crafty Stevie Fierce stole the pin for the win. With that Fierce remained undefeated in the Rockstar Pro Arena!
Next up, we had another Rockin’ Robin Tournament match between the 1-3 Nate Wings and the 3-1 “Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams. Speed versus strikes was the story of this matchup. Wings positioned Williams on the turnbuckle before flipping him on his head for the pinfall victory. Wings’ record increased to 2-3, as Williams’ dropped to 3-2.
Rockstar Pro World Champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah took the mic to remind everyone of his dominance. He addressed the fact that Mikael wanted another beating and even made a non-title challenge to anyone in the locker room. Unfortunately, the worst person in the world “Professional Athlete” Jon Murray answered the call. That obese bastard tried to give himself an unfair advantage by declaring it a “Jon Murray Pro Rules Match.” Live by the sword, and die by the sword. The Foundation took advantage of Murray’s own rules by hitting the ring and beating him with a kendo stick. They even assisted with a Baddest Kick in the World from Jeremiah. This left Murray vulnerable to a top-rope Frogsplash from Jeremiah, and the champ clinched yet another win!
Another tag team contest followed between The Foundation (“True Grit” Bruce Grey & “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous) and The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards). It was a thuggish brawl between four athletes that could all take and deliver massive hits. The Dirty hit their Swan Song (Apparently, they didn’t like my name for their finisher.) to gain the victory. With this win, CW saw fit to grant The Dirty a shot at Night Ryderz’s Tag Team Championships at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em!
Our next contest had the whole wrestling world talking, as “Kinetic” Cole Radrick faced off against the returning “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist after the OI4K founder’s two-week tour of Japan. Moments into the match “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed inserted himself into the match, making it a Triple Threat! Myron was scheduled to face Samantha Heights in the tournament, but she had a concussion and was not cleared to compete. Myron got the default win to advance to 5-0 but still wanted to get a part of the action. You just have to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to see this one! In the end, Myron hit an amazing Firefly on Cole to win. Crist was unquestionably impressed.
The main event of the evening was the final tournament matchup of the night between my bro Clayton “Gainz” Jackson and the delusional “Righteous One” Lisa Coleman (He’s Trey Miguel. Freaking Trey Miguel!). These two went at it well before the bell even rang to start the match. Clayton dominated the power game, while Trey-Lisa was all about speed. “The Righteous One” sneakily applied the Work of Art for a 1-2-3 out of nowhere! Unfortunately, Jackson dropped to record of 2-3, while Miguel-Coleman joined Reed at the top of the tournament rankings at 5-0.
So that clinches it! Odds are either ...ugh... Lisa Coleman or Myron Reed will face “Juggernaut” Jeremiah for the Rockstar Pro World Championship at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. There is the outside chance that Aaron Williams could tie the two youngsters’ records at the top of the tourney, but that would require Coleman and Reed to do nothing but lose for the last two weeks of the tournament. Watch us on NU-TV, FITE.TV, and Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.