Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 8-30-17)
Welcome back to the land of the living. Now pick up a shovel and get digging! Inappropriate Army of Darkness references aside, there’s a lot of wrestling to cover here. Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em is nearly upon us, so I have everything you need to know right here before you attend this awesome event!
We kicked things off with a six-man tag team matchup featuring the team of “Kinetic” Cole Radrick, “A Cut Above the Rest” Gavin Glass and Josh West versus the team of “The Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist, Ace Austin... Shakespeare and “The Punk Rock Kween” Jamie Senegal. This was a fascinating contest with three wrestling stars familiar to the Rockstar Nation and three newcomers to the Rockstar Pro Arena. The action was fast and furious with incredible strikes and savage offense. Dave’s All Seeing Eye was just as impressive as ever, while Cole’s headbutts look meaner every week. In the end, Ace Austin hit The Fold on Radrick to earn his team the victory. What a way to kick off the night!
Oh god no. Why? Why did Jon Murray get an impromptu Snack Shack? Despite my objections, the rotund roustabout grabbed a mic and invited The Foundation to the ring. “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis will not compete at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em, as he is still recovering from stomach surgery. Murray goaded Prospect until The Foundation’s fledgling couldn’t take it anymore. He absolutely splattered Murray into the turnbuckle. It looks like Prospect has been promoted to a full-fledged member of The Foundation! Patrick is Prospect no more. He’ll join “True Grit” Bruce Grey and “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous as they take on the trio of “Professional Athlete” Jon Murray and ECW legends Shane Douglas and Sandman at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em! It’s gonna get extreme!
“The Legendary” Larry D hit the ring once again to face Crash Jaxon in singles competition. Ganger had a first-class view of the match, as he brought a chair to the entrance ramp. Ganger didn’t have to sit there for long. Larry D quickly finished off Jaxon with a Full Nelson Slam, adding insult to injury with a kick to the back on the way down. Tensions between Ganger and Larry D will come to a head at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em when they square off in a Dayton Street Fight!
Tag team action followed with Detroit’s The Dirty (Brandon Edwards & Austin Manix) taking on a pair of newcomers in “Eh +” Ryan Cassidy & “The Perennial Millennial” Daniel Garcia. The two youngsters did their best to give Manix and Edwards a run for their money, but this only seemed to further agitate and anger these Michigander bruisers. The Dirty destroyed Cassidy with a signature Swan Song to continue building momentum going into Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. I definitely wouldn’t want to be a Night Ryder with The Dirty coming after my titles.
A one-on-one contest between Donovan Danhausen and “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams was up next. Williams seemed extra aggressive after being eliminated from the Rockin’ Robin Tournament, and he focused that energy directly toward Danhausen. Donovan proved he’s no pushover, and fought Aaron with everything in his arsenal. This kid really proved he’s a lean, mean fighter. He forced Williams to break out some innovative new offensive maneuvers, but “The BMA” showed everyone he was up for the challenge. A perfectly aimed Martial Arts Kick to Danhausen’s skull crumpled the alliterative combatant to bring Williams a much needed pinfall victory.
Two longtime favorites of The Rockstar Nation squared off in singles action when Pompano Joe took on Nate Wings. It was intriguing to watch these two veterans of the Rockstar Pro Arena go back-and-forth jockeying for position. Joe used his cunning and veteran’s instincts, while Nate relied on his quickness and agility. Wings dropped Joe with a Reverse ‘Rana in the end to earn the high-flying 130 pounder the win.
“The Jerkiest Dickwad in ALL the Land” Zachary Wentz hit the squared circle with mic in hand to brag about getting his own match stipulation at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. He started to explain what to expect in the Too Sick for this World Match (Aerial Assault platforms, boards, and perhaps more), but my bro Clayton Jackson couldn’t take it anymore. He went right after Zach, tossing our security staff to the side. It took all of our staff (even our Head of Security!) to pull these young athletes apart. It’s going to be one hell of a conflict between these two at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em!
Another tag team new to Rockstar Pro, Kevin Blackwood & Anthony Gaines faced the Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) in a non-title match. Blackwood and Gaines had a great strategy, attacking Night Ryderz before the bell even rang. The newcomers held their own for a few minutes, but they were ultimately no match for the Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions. Blackwood ended up on the receiving end of a Ride of Death, and we all know what that means. Night Ryderz easily defeated their opponents in what I’m sure they considered a warm up before their title defense against a dangerous Manix & Edwards at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. This one is going to be insane!
Our main event was the final matchup in the Rockin’ Robin Tournament to determine a new #1 Contender to the Rockstar Pro World Championship. It was the 6-0 birthday boy Trey Miguel/Lisa Coleman versus the also 6-0 “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed. Everything was on the line, as only one man could advance to face “Juggernaut” Jeremiah for the Rockstar Pro World Championship. This match has to be seen to be believed! Two young men who will undoubtedly have incredible wrestling careers put on an absolute clinic for over a half hour. Strategies evolved, emotions ran high, and everyone in the arena was captivated. In the end, Coleman busted out the Work of Art to pin Reed by surprise for the victory! What an incredible match!
Be at Rockstar Pro Arena on Friday, September 1st for Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. It’s going to be one helluva show! You can also catch this iPPV, and the entire Rockin’ Robin Tournament leading up to it, by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Check it out! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.