Voice of Professional Wrestling (Smoke 'Em if Ya Got 'Em 9-1-17)
Welcome back, dirty dingleberries! Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em was this weekend, and it absolutely delivered. The Tag Team and World Championships were all on the line, and things definitely got extreme. Let’s do it to it!
The night began with a Too Sick for this World Match between my bro Clayton “Gainz” Jackson and the match’s inventor Zachary Wentz. “The Sickest Dude in All the Land” went all out with his creation by making chairs, boards, ladders, Aerial Assault platforms, and fire all legal from bell to bell. Wentz showed the depths of his depravity early in the contest with an unsolicited kiss to Jackson’s mother. He even brought along a grey alien friend that delivered a picture perfect Hurricanrana to Clay! Despite all of Wentz’s best efforts and support from the Rockstar Nation, my bro Jackson defeated him with Back Suplex off of the Aerial Assault platform through elevated boards! Ha ha! Take that, Zach! You can’t even win the match you created!
Match number two was a singles contest between “Kinetic” Cole Radrick and a young man who’s been carving out his position in Rockstar Pro the last few weeks, Donovan Danhausen. These two came out swinging in a high-energy, hard-hitting affair. Danhausen showed his savviness with a low kick to Radrick’s shin when Cole attempted to “Radrick Up” just like the Hulkster. In the end, Cole’s indomitable spirit shone through with a Bottomfeeder to Danhausen for the win.
Our third match was a tag team contest between the pair of Ace Austin... Shakespeare & “The Punk Rock Kween” Jamie Senegal and newcomers to Rockstar Pro the Budapest Bastards (Tamas Szabo & David Turger). How great is it to have international stars visiting us all the way from Hungary? These two teams of incredible athletes were very evenly matched. The Bastards singled out Senegal early on, but “The Punk Rock Kween” showed his mettle in the face of their aggression. In the end, Ace hit Szabo with a particularly nasty version of The Fold to earn his team a PPV victory. I, for one, hope this isn’t the last we see of the Budapest Bastards!
A Mosh Pit Scramble followed with “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights, Nate Wings, Pompano Joe, “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams, and “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed all in the mix. There’s a reason the Scramble is one of Rockstar Pro’s signature matches, as these contests never fail to deliver the in-ring excitement the Rockstar Nation craves. Heights took a beating (particularly from Williams) in this match, but she nevertheless took out the pack with her own high-risk offense. In the end Reed took the win with a picture perfect 450 Splash to Aaron Williams. I’m certain Rockstar Pro management was watching this one very, very carefully.
Match five was a Dayton Street Fight between “The Legendary” Larry D and “The Pitbull” Ganger. This match was all about ego, as each competitor wanted to prove that he was the biggest bully in the playground. This one got bloody very quickly, as Larry D pulled a hacksaw out from underneath the ring. Each man bled buckets to prove his point, but in the end there could be only one victor. Larry D threw Ganger like a human lawn dart through a board in the corner of the ring to earn “The Legendary” Larry D the 1-2-3. It would seem that the entire Rockstar Pro roster remains on notice.
Our sixth contest was for the Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships! Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) defended their titles against The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards). This match was just like life in the state of nature: nasty, brutish and short. All four men laid it all on the line with the greatest prize in tag team wrestling at Rockstar Pro up for grabs. The Dirty employed the correct strategy when it comes to facing Night Ryderz. Hit hard, and hit often. It took two Rides of Death to take The Dirty down, as the final blow was delivered to Manix. Night Ryderz remain Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions, but I am 100% positive The Dirty are not about to turn tail and run back to Detroit.
I knew this one was coming, but I still wasn’t prepared. The Foundation (“True Grit” Bruce Grey, “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous, and Pat the Bruiser) took on the team of “Professional Athlete” Jon Murray, “The Franchise” Shane Douglas, and ECW Legend The Sandman. First off, let’s get this out of the way. The rumors are true. Sandman’s entrance must be experienced live and in-person to truly appreciate its power and emotional significance. More than one person lived out their childhood fantasy in the Rockstar Pro Arena in that moment at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. I’m not going to spend much time on the match itself because it pissed me off. Freaking Murray hit Sid with the absolute worst Van Daminator I’ve every seen to earn his team the win. I’m sorry this had to happen, Mathis. We missed you.
Our main event pitted challenger “The Righteous One” Lisa Coleman (who is actually “Trigger” Trey Miguel) against champion “Juggernaut” Jeremiah for the Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championship. This match was well worth the subscription to Rockstarpronetwork.com! Coleman truly showed his toughness in a brutal contest against the two-time World Champion. Jeremiah hit Lisa with The Baddest Kick in the World, a Pop-up Powerbomb, and Ultimate Destruction all in quick succession. Coleman still kicked out at two! Lisa then quickly snapped off a Loaded Clip to become Rockstar Pro World Champion for the first time in his short career!
What a match, and what a night! If you weren’t there, you now see the folly of your ways. Catch us on NU-TV, FITE.TV, or by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. As for now, I got ‘em. I’m gonna smoke ‘em. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.