Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 9-6-17)
We’re still coming down after Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. But you can bet your goddam sweet bippy that the wrestling at Rockstar Pro remains high-flying, hard-hitting and extreme! Here’s what happened during the first night of Trey Miguel’s world championship reign.
We began the evening with our brand new Rockstar Pro World Champion “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel in the ring and on the mic. He didn’t get much time to suck up to the Rockstar Nation before Myron Reed joined him. Myron claimed to deserve the World Championship. Trey didn’t like that and challenged Reed to a title bout on that very night. And so our Main event was booked.
Triple threat action followed between Rockstar Pro newcomer “The Complete Athlete” Devon Driscoll and “Kinetic” Cole Radrick and Pompano Joe. The big man Driscoll threw both of his competitors around the ring in the match’s early goings. After a bit of back and forth, Radrick hit an amazing Springboard Stunner on Driscoll to secure both the pin and the win.
“The Legendary” Larry D was up next in singles competition, this time against Nate Wings. Wings gave his huge opponent quite a fight for the second time that they’ve met in the ring. However, the massive Larry D hit a devastating Sitout Powerbomb from the top turnbuckle to take down Wings. It appears that Nate and the entire Rockstar locker room remain “on notice.”
Three tag teams faced off under lucha libre rules in our next contest. It was The Foundation (“Street Rat” Sid Fabulous & Pat “The Bruiser”) versus Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) versus the pair of Pav City & Will “The Thrill” Burden. This match was finished nearly as soon as it began. After a brief attack by the newest tag team in Rockstar Pro and a respectable effort from both Sid and Pat, a Ride of Death for Pav City brought this one to a swift end.
My bro Clayton “Gainz” Jackson was up next in a one-on-one contest against Donovan Danhausen. Danhausen has a lot of guts and a dangerous offensive arsenal, but there’s only one man as powerfully proficient as Clayton Jackson. A perfectly executed 3CC took out Danhausen and brought my bro another big win. Unfortunately, it wasn’t over. After a victorious Clay went backstage, he ran back out with a grey alien wrapped around his substantial neck. That asshole Zachary Wentz was up to his dirty tricks again! He threw Clayton into the ring, attacked him with the alien yet again, and then delivered a god damn Dayton Destroyer! Wentz may think he’s blessed by extraterrestrials, but Clay eats foo fighters for breakfast!
Rockstar Pro principal owners CW Scott and Gee Gee took to the ring for some important announcements that could have longterm consequences at Rockstar Pro. First off, the Rockstar Pro Tag Team Championships are being retired. Night Ryderz have two potential upcoming defenses. First, they’ll take on Solar & Solar Jr. on September 15th at Lucha Comes to Dayton. If successful, they’ll defend once again the following night at Championship Wrestling from Arizona. After that the titles are goneski! They will be replaced in the near future by brand new Trios Championships! Additionally, there is a new Rockstar Pro Fanny Pack Championship to be contested under 24/7 rules. CW and Gee Gee promised that possessing it would be a career changing opportunity and then made it up for grabs. Half the Rockstar Pro locker room cleared out to become the first Fanny Pack Champion. I even took a shot at it, but Maverick ruined my chance. Samantha Heights got the first pin, then Senior Official Rudy Jordan rolled her up, until finally Zachary Wentz Superkicked our senior official’s head clean off! Who knows what will happen with this new title in the coming weeks?
Singles action followed between former tag team members “The Professional Athlete” Jon Murray and “True Grit” Bruce Grey. These two former Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions really went after one another. The relationship between The Foundation and Murray will always be a violent one. Bruce had the perfect DDT in store for Murray, but Jon acted like a sex offender and countered with a freaking Thumb in the Bum. Unfortunately, Murray managed to pull off Papa’s Delicate Condition. Fortunately, The Foundation was there to beat up Murray before the three-count. Unfortunately, that fat turd Murray won via disqualification. Dammit.
Our main event was a rematch from last week as “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel battled “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed. I’m not going to cover this in detail other than to say it lived up to their previous encounter. Here’s yet another reason to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Don’t be cheapskates, you dirty dicks! At the end of a grueling contest an exhausted Reed climbed to the top turnbuckle and flung himself at Miguel with a Louisville Slugger. Out of nowhere, Trey caught Myron and countered into a Work of Art for the win! Miguel remains your Rockstar Pro World Champion after his first title defense.
That’s it for this week, but there’s plenty more action to come. Three Fanny Pack Champions have already been crowned, and the Rockstar Pro Trios Championships are on their way! Next Friday Lucha comes to Dayton! It’s going to be insane! Be sure to catch us in person, on Nu-TV, and by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.