Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 10-18-17)
What’s up, dick smears? Hot on the heels of last week’s Supershow, Rockstar Pro presented another edition of Amped this week. New Trios Championships are coming to Rockstar, and that has shaken things up to a significant degree. This one’s going to be difficult for me to write. Nevertheless, here we go.
Our opening match pitted Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) against the pair of Pompano Joe and Donovan Danhausen. Joe employed the metal apron early on, slamming Colon’s head and shoulder into it. Donovan held his own for as long as possible against the terrifying Night Ryderz, proving that he will not be intimidated. The Ryderz, however, don’t give a damn who they face in the ring. They bring utter destruction to each and every wrestler they face. A shrill shriek announced the Ride of Death on Danhausen and foretold the match’s end. Night Ryderz remain dominant while Donovan and Joe’s party came to a violent conclusion.
Match two saw “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights go one-on-one against “The Sickest Dude in the UK” Craig West in intergender competition. Craig claimed that he’s “Pro-American” now. Apparently, that just made him into a bigger asshole. He wasn’t afraid to punch Heights right in the genitals to get the upper hand. It’s the American way! That wasn’t enough to keep Heights down and only seemed to fill her with rage. She worked Craig into the corner, kicked him right in the noggin, and finished him off with a high-flying Bangarang! Heights got the win, hopefully sending West back to the UK with the bitter taste of defeat in his mouth.
“The Legendary” Larry D took on “Kinetic” Cole Radrick in our next contest. D was not happy about his loss to Nate Wings at Horror-Core or the fact that Wings, rather than himself, pinned Radrick in a Fatal Four-Way at the Supershow last week. Unfortunately for Cole, he was the recipient of Larry’s rage this week. Radrick gave it his all, in his typical style of going a hundred miles an hour and leaping before looking. Larry D wasn’t having it. He slid outside, grabbed a chair, threw the referee across the ring, and viciously attacked Radrick. When the ref tried to stop him, Larry D delivered a few nasty Powerbombs to our junior junior official. Principal Owner CW Scott had to come to the ring to end the match. Scott could only placate Larry D with the promise of a Dayton Street Fight against Radrick at November’s Imma be a Gangsta Forever. A sick smile spread across Radrick’s face as he gave a thumbs up before being helped back to the locker room.
Okay. Gotta do this. JP introduced Zachary Wentz, and my former best friend came to the ring along with “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed. It would appear that these young men want those brand new Trios Championships, but they still needed a third. Zach talked a lot of nonsense before calling out Clayton Jackson. Jackson hit the ring, apologized for absolutely nothing, and hugged it out with Wentz! What the fuck? Once again Dezmond Xavier gets in the ear of someone special in my life and somehow rips them away from me. Apparently, The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards) hate fair-weather friends as much as I do. They stormed into the ring for a match against Wentz and Jackson. The Dirty are mean, aggressive, and a powerful force the squared-circle. They hit hard and kick even harder! Nevertheless, Wentz and Jackson already came together with some tandem offense. They blasted Manix with some sort of Powerslam/Cutter combination to get their first win on the very night that they formed this new coalition. Wentz, Jackson and Reed all celebrated in the middle of the ring. Just tossing me aside like a used condom, huh? Some best bro you were, Clay.
Mikael hit the ring with a mic in hand. Uh oh. From what I could understand, he challenged Matt Tremont to an Island of Death match at Imma be a Gangsta Forever. Both men would lead teams. Tremont would choose his best warriors from H2O, and Mikael would have his pick of the Rockstar roster. Mikael also added an interesting stipulation. The losing team’s captain must retire from wrestling! Will Mikael be forced to hang up his boots, or will Tremont spill blood in the ring for the final time this November at Rockstar Pro?
Our next contest featured “True Grit” Bruce Grey against Nate Wings in singles action. Grey hit the ring with the rest of The Foundation (“Street Rat” Sid Fabulous & Pat the Bruiser) at his side. Unlike some best friends and bros, those guys would follow Bruce to Hell and back. Grey seemed extra confident going into this one. He even broke out Mathis’ patented Torture Rack to punish Wings. Wings tried to up the tempo early in the match, but Grey refused to succumb to the lucha libre style. Wings stuck to his high-flying strategy, flinging himself into all three Foundation members and nearly knocking out some of Sid’s teeth! This only enraged Grey who hit his picture-perfect DDT on Wings to get the 1-2-3.
As The Foundation surrounded Wings post-match and put the boots to him, Ron Mathis hit the ring with Jon Murray following closely behind him. Our next match would be the unlikely pairing of Ron Mathis and Jon Murray versus The Foundation (Sid & Pat). Murray did his usual thing of sticking his thumb in butts, falling over, and sweating profusely. Mathis looked great, but why the hell would he team up with that fat lump Murray? Also, how dare he use a DDT? Everyone knows that Bruce Grey is the master and ruler of the DDT! The Foundation fought valiantly, but in the end “Street Rat” Sid was forced to submit to Mathis’ Torture Rack. First Clay joins up with Zach and Myron, and now Murray and Mathis seem to be working together. What the hell is going on here?
Okay. Main event. Let’s get through this. It was OI4K’s “Space Beast” Shigehiro Irie going one-on-one against Rockstar Pro World Champion “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel in non-title action. These two great athletes always put on an incredible display of strength, speed, and agility. As the match gained steam, “The Iron Manager” JT Davidson brought a chair to the entrance ramp and sat down for a first-class view of the match. He also brought along his title match contract and a pen for Trey. This may have been a significant distraction for Miguel, as Shigehiro took over. Irie impressed with his explosive offense, putting Trey on the defensive. With a burst of speed, Irie locked in the Katahajime and Suplexed Miguel without letting go of the hold. The Rockstar Pro World Champion was forced to tap out! A triumphant Shigehiro grabbed the strap and a mic, demanding that Trey’s World Championship match against Homicide at Imma be a Gangsta Forever become a Triple-Threat!
It was a night full of highs and lows that I’m still trying to deconstruct. All my friends have left me. Nothing is sacred. Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. If nothing else, Imma be a Gangsta Forever is shaping up to be quite a night. Be sure to catch us on Nu-TV, FITE.TV, and by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and The Voice of Professional Wrestling.