Welcome back, slop-bottomed dipsters! The Rockstar Pro Trios Championships have arrived, and we had 24 athletes hungry for championship gold competing on this week’s Amped! Let’s get to the action.
As JP announced the first contest in the Trios Tournament, “Legendary” Larry D hit the ring. He confidently stated that he was now in control of “Kinetic” Cole Radrick. Cole joined him with a hangdog expression on his face. The third man to join Larry D and Cole Radrick was a massive surprise to everyone. After being away for over two months, “Juggernaut” Jeremiah returned to the Rockstar Pro Arena! The former Rockstar Pro World Champion had not competed since he lost the title to Trey Miguel at Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em. This newly formed trio faced the team of The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards) and Ace Austin in our opening match. It was a dynamic competition with The Dirty bringing raw power and brutality in addition to Ace’s grace and agility. Ace, however, was singled out by Larry, Cole and Jeremiah. Jeremiah hit Ultimate Destruction on Ace Austin to pin him and advance his team to the semifinals.
Our second contest pitted the trio of “The Complete Athlete” Devin Driscoll, “The Man of Tomorrow” Daniel Eads and “Hitman for Hire” Mr. Grim against the poorly named Gucci Gang (Zachary Wentz, Clayton Jackson & Myron Reed). This one primarily pitted power against speed with Grim, Eads and Driscoll greatly outsized their opponents. It was a great match in its own right, but unfortunately Gucci Gang claimed the upper hand. Clay lugged Mr. Grim up onto his shoulders. Grim took Superkicks to the face from Reed and Wentz before Jackson plopped him onto the canvas with a Drop Set. The traitorous Jackson covered Grim for the three-count to move his team into the semis.
Next, it was Night Ryderz (“The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams, Alex Colon & Dustin Rayz) versus Nate Wings, “Everyone’s Homie” Pompano Joe and Donovan Danhausen. What sort of horrific portmanteau will the Rockstar Nation apply to this team? Joehauswings? Pompnatesen? It doesn’t matter. Wings only joined Joe and Donovan on the night, but Night Ryderz have been together and dominant long enough to bring the violence to any team. Rayz positioned Danhausen for the Ride of Death, and Williams added injury to injury with a big kick to Donovan’s face. When Colon came down from the top turnbuckle onto Danhausen’s back it was all over. Night Ryderz moved onward into the semifinal matches to meet Larry D, Cole Radrick and Jeremiah.
The final first round matchup saw “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis, “Professional Ass Leak” Jon Murray and “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights take on The Foundation (“True Grit” Bruce Grey, “Street Rat” Sid Fabulous & Pat the Bruiser with Prospect #2 in their corner). I don’t know what the hell Mathis is doing hanging around Heights and Murray, but I know The Foundation always watch each other’s backs. Mathis’ impressive strength was on display when he lifted Pat into position to deliver an ATM Piledriver. Bruce slid in and hit a low blow to Mathis causing Ron to drop Pat. The leader of The Foundation then delivered a signature DDT to Mathis to bring this one to an end. Mathis may have gotten the pin on Bruce in their Triple Threat at Imma Be a Gangsta Forever, but Brucey Jack got his win back! The Foundation progressed into the semifinals to face the Gucci Gang.
Our first semifinal contest was between Night Ryderz and Rockstar Pro’s newest trio of Larry D, Cole Radrick and Jeremiah. Both teams absolutely know how to bring the violence, thus making this one of the most hard-hitting matches of the evening. All six men put their bodies on the line throughout the matchup. I’ll hand it to that little dink Cole. He gave it his best effort despite his new predicament with Larry D. Rayz, Colon and Williams took advantage of his mental state and focused their aggressions on the kinetic one. The Ryderz gave Cole Radrick the same treatment that Donovan Danhausen received earlier in the night. A boot to the face and Ride of Death led to a pinfall on Cole and moved the Night Ryderz one step closer to securing the Rockstar Pro Trios Championships.
The Foundation faced those dicks in the Gucci Gang in our other semifinal match. Immediately after the bell rang Zach, Clay and Myron all Superkicked Sid right in the face. They then pushed both Bruce and Pat off of the apron, allowing Clay to pin Sid for the win! Those sneaky tits! With that bit of trickery, Gucci Gang moved on to meet Night Ryderz in our final contest of the evening. One of these two teams will become the first ever Rockstar Pro Trios Champions!
Before we could get to our final match of the night, “Iron Manager” JT Davidson hit the ring with mic in hand. Davidson addressed the fact that the new Rockstar Pro Fanny Pack Champion Jake Crist will inevitably challenge “ The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel for his gold. It wasn’t long before Rockstar Pro World Champion Trey Miguel slid into the ring behind Davdison, turned JT around, and kicked him right in the cock and balls. When Davidson struggled to stand up, Miguel delivered a massive blow to JT’s face with the Rockstar Pro World Championship belt. Before walking away, Trey told a battered JT that he and his crew were “O-V-E-R.”
Our main event for the Rockstar Pro Trios Championships pitted veterans against young guns when Night Ryderz squared off against Gucci Gang. The action spilled into the Rockstar nation early on in the match as these teams beat the crud out of one another. The brawl turned into an incredible main event match as the teams battled back into the ring. Myron, Clay and Zach kept the pace quick delivering dive after dive after dive. These kids should know that it takes more than a lil pump to defeat Night Ryderz! Williams put Reed into a Reverse Boston Crab, lifting Myron’s head mere inches above the mat. Colon then delivered a devastating Double Stomp off the top turnbuckle to the back of Myron’s head. Williams pinned Reed for the 1-2-3, and Night Ryderz became the first Rockstar Pro Trios Champions! Williams became team captain since he got the pinfall, and the simpletons in the Rockstar Nation rejoiced.
Congratulations to Night Ryderz for being the first Trios Champions, and extra kudos to Alex Colon. With that victory he became the first athlete to hold all five titles* at Rockstar Pro Wrestling! The Trios competition is already hot, but it’ll no doubt get even crazier in the coming weeks. Be sure to watch us on Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.
* World Championship, American Luchacore Championship, Tag Team Championship, Fanny Pack Championship & Trios Championship