Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 11-15-17)
Welcome back, grim skinflints! Last week we crowned our very first Rockstar Pro Trios Champions in the Night Ryderz. This week our champions demanded to put their titles on the line. Let’s get to it and discover whether or not the Ryderz remained on top!
We kicked things off with inter-gender action between “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights and “Big Bear” Benjamin Boone. On paper, this one was a massive mismatch. Boone is one huge man, while Heights has more moxie and fight in her than sheer muscle mass. Boone tried to play nice from the get-go, but Sam refused to take the easy way out. What a chump! Take the win any way you can get it! Nevertheless, the two went at it tooth and nail. Heights positioned Boone in the corner, put a boot right in his face, and took him out with a picture perfect Bangarang. It was a raucous way to get things going, and the madness would only intensify throughout the night!
Four newcomers battled it out in an effort to impress Rockstar Pro management in our following contest. It was “The Cajun Kid” Sage Cainan, “Former Iowa Hawkeye” Steve Manders, Alvarado, and Shane Bender in Fatal Four-Way action. Cainan displayed impressive strikes, Bender showed some high-flying antics, the mysterious Alvarado proved to be skilled all-around, and Manders clearly overpowered his opposition. There was classic action, as every competitor involved desperately sought a job with Rockstar Pro. In the end, it was Cainan who hit a Modified Curb Stomp on Alvarado to secure the victory. Only time will tell whether we see “The Cajun Kid” or any of his outstanding opponents at Rockstar Pro in the future.
Tag team action was up next when “Legendary” Larry D and his unwilling partner “Kinetic” Cole Radrick took on the pair of Pompano Joe and Donovan Danhausen. Cole seemed as hesitant as ever to remain subservient to D, but the big man had him backed into a corner. Surprisingly, the two seemed to work very well together despite Radrick’s clear resentment of his master and ruler. Joe and Donovan fought with everything they had, but in the end sheer power ruled the day. Larry D lifted Danhausen onto his shoulder to deliver a devastating Over-the-Shoulder Backbreaker before forcing Radrick to pin Donovan for the win. As he celebrated, D made Radrick insult the audience on the victorious team’s way back to the locker room. Now that’s entertainment!
The evening truly hit its nadir when Jon Murray took to the ring. The so-called “Professional Athlete” faced The Foundation’s Pat the Brusier. These two make for great foils for one another. After all, one is an idiotic, lumbering giant. And the other’s Pat! Their distaste for one another shined through as this conflict transformed from a match into a brawl. The behemoths battled through the Rockstar Nation and back into the locker room.
Not long after the two big men fought to the back, The Foundation’s leader “True Grit” Bruce Grey hit the ring. He didn’t get to say much before “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis joined him in the ring. The two verbally ran each other down until Mathis declared that the two would meet in the ring to settle it all at A Killer Xmas. The verbal jousting got so heated that it quickly became physical jousting. As the two came to blows, Murray and Pat brawled through the curtain. All four men attacked as JP announced this conflict would be our next match. Bruce led Pat to one helluva match, but it would not be their night. Mathis leapt from the top turnbuckle to nail a crushing Flying Elbow on Pat and for some reason then gave Murray the pin. I can’t believe I had to watch that butt-thumbing dingus Jon Murray in two consecutive matches!
The time of the night arrived when titles must be defended! First off, Night Ryderz Dustin Rayz and Alex Colon put the Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Championships on the line against Gucci Gang’s “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed and Clayton “Lame” Jackson. I know what you’re asking. Where’s Zachary? I don’t care! Clay displayed power, Myron showed agility, and the Ryderz showed purely violent intentions. After an epic confrontation, the Ryderz punished Jackson with the Ride of Death to hold onto the Trios Tag Championships at least for another week. Would their captain be so lucky?
Our main event pitted “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams against Nate Wings for Williams’ Rockstar Pro Trios Captain’s Championship. This one could really shake up the dynamic of our Trios Champions. Imagine the diminutive Nate Wings barking orders to Colon and Rayz! Wings proved to be a hungry, dangerous competitor. Not only did he immediately attack Williams with an intense ferocity, he sliced Aaron’s scalp open on a steel chair! Williams, however, proved that the magic he displayed since Rockstar Pro’s humble beginnings is still just as dangerous in 2017. “The BMA” delivered a calamitous Cradle Piledriver on Wings into a couple of chairs to bring this one to an end. Perhaps it was just getting the job done, or perhaps Williams delighted in proving he was still captain of the Trios Champions. It was a great contest that you can catch by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com!
After our incredible main event, Rockstar Pro World Champion Trey Miguel hit the ring with mic in hand. He then aired his grievances with the Rockstar Nation, and I gotta say I can’t blame the man. The Nation turned their backs on their own World Champion because he cared too much about JT Davidson’s health to put his former manager in physical peril. Trey then turned his attention to Rockstar Pro Fanny Pack Champion Jake Crist. Crist then hit the ring and snatched the microphone from Miguel’s hand. Before he could utter a single word, Jeremiah ran through the crowd and attacked Jake from behind! Miguel got in a few licks on Crist, but the World Champion seemed fine with the idea of letting Jeremiah beating down Jake. Crist then struck back, locking in a vicious Dragon Sleeper on Jeremiah and refusing to let go. It took our entire security staff, officiating crew and management to pull Jake away. Crist locked the same move in on one of our junior junior officials before he was done. Once everyone pulled Jake away from Jeremiah we thought it was over. Jake, however, wasn’t finished! He locked the Sleeper in on Jeremiah once again! The night ended with our entire staff again desperately attempting to pull Jake Crist away from Jeremiah. Trey’s Rockstar Pro World Championship will be on the line against Jake at A Killer Xmas, but what role might Jeremiah play?
What a night! Who knows what might happen between now and A Killer Xmas? Be sure to catch all the action live and in-person at Rockstar Pro Arena or by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.