Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 12-13-17)

We’re back again with more kick ass wrestling action to keep your skin warm and your blood boiling in this chilly time of year. As soon as we suffer through the last week of December, we can get to the real fun of Halloween Havok ’96 on the first Friday in January. We’re heading in that direction, so buckle up! Let’s find out what happened at our most recent Amped.

Triple Threat tag team action was scheduled to kick off the evening’s events, but things did not go as planned. Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon) hit the ring first in their regular fashion, but when the lights turned back on Pompano Joe was in the ring with them. Joe’s regular tag team partner Donovan Danhausen was nowhere to be seen. Instead Pompano brandished a steel chair and immediately attacked both Ryderz from behind! Night Ryder Aaron Williams quickly hit the squared circle to save his Trios companions. As Williams pulled Joe away from his compatriots, the lights dimmed again and “The Unprofessional Professional” Jimmy Jacobs appeared on the video screen. Jacobs jabbed at Williams always being the good guy and coming to the rescue like Dudley Do-Right. He also added that he didn’t want any interference in their main event match, demanding that Williams leave his Night Ryderz partners behind in the locker room.

An actual tag team contest followed between Gucci Gang (Zachary Wentz & Clayton Jackson) and the highly unlikely pairing of Ace Austin and Will the Thrill. Apparently, Ace has some sort of magical powers because he made a playing card appear in Clayton’s tights. Either that, or he was rummaging around in Jackson’s gear bag before the show. Anyway, this match consisted of Gucci Gang beating the shit out of Will and Ace coming in to show his partner how to wrestle. In the end, Clay lifted Will into the air with ease and chucked him to an awaiting Wentz. Zach caught the Thrill with ease and Powerbombed him in midair! Gucci Gang may be egotistical dicks, but they no doubt impress in the ring!

Singles action followed between relative newcomer Alvarado and Rockstar Pro day one original Nate Wings. Speed clashed with strength in this contest. Alvarado hit a savage looking running Cannonball to a seated Wings against the steel guardrail. Wings hit fantastic aerial moves time and time again, but the Rockstar Nation refused to give him recognition. What a bunch of ungrateful swine! In the end, Wings broke out the Dragonrana from the top rope and slammed Alvarado’s head into the mat to secure the pinfall victory.

Next up, “True Grit” Bruce Grey came to the ring mic in hand and wearing his best Canadian tuxedo. Grey kept repeating that his DDT still works. My broadcast colleague Mark Turner asked whether Grey was trying to persuade the Nation or himself of this fact. Have some faith in Brucey, Mark! As Grey spoke, Mathis’ disembodied voice boomed out through the speakers. He prodded Grey with notions that the DDT was broken. Bruce verbally jousted back-and-forth with a hidden “White Trash Messiah.” Mathis continued to heckle Grey from the safety of the locker room as Grey punished our cameraman with a devastating DDT. See? It isn't broken! Mathis berated Bruce to the cheers of the Rockstar Nation, and Brucey Jack was so fed up that he stormed out of the ring.

A Triple Threat match followed featuring both Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions “Big Bear” Ben Boone and Pat the Bruiser and Rockstar Pro Trios Captain Champion “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis*. I can’t believe Mathis even agreed to this match! He must be a glutton for punishment because he knew the rest of The Foundation absolutely despised their team captain. Ben and Pat worked together to take down Mathis, but Ron refused to be intimidated. Even Prospect #2 tried to get involved. He charged Mathis only to bash his own thick skull into the ring post. Mathis crotched Pat the Bruiser on the guardrail, leaving his chonies crushed and his voice an octave or two higher. With PTB caught up on the guardrail, Mathis goaded Boone back into the ring. Boone charged, but Mathis was too fast and caught “Big Bear” in a super quick Jackknife Pin. Yeah, Mathis won. But the rest of The Foundation still won’t view him as their true leader.

Rockstar Pro World Champion “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist’s open challenge continued as he would put his title on the line for a second time in two weeks. Last week it was against the incredible athlete Myron Reed. This time it was against “The Fart That Came to Life” Jon Murray. Murray tried to wrestle at a championship level but failed miserably. Crist proved that he is so much more than grace and finesse as he lifted Murray up onto his shoulders! The entire Rockstar Nation stood in awe as Crist muscled through the pain and hoisted the massive Murray even higher to deliver and absolutely incredible Samoan Drop! What the fuck!? It was all over after that, but Jake applied the Dragon Sleeper just to make it official. Your winner and still Rockstar Pro World Champion: “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist! Of course that vengeful ex-Rockstar Jeremiah slithered into the ring and attacked Jake from behind. He grabbed a mic and warned Crist that his days as World Champion were numbered. The two will face off in a bout for the highest prize in Rockstar Pro at Halloween Havok ’96!

Before the next match could begin, Mathis and Grey came flying out of the backstage area. They brawled and fought and cussed and spat in and around the ring. It took the entirety of Rockstar Pro’s security and officiating teams plus principal owner CW Scott to pull these two apart! The hatred runs thick between these two competitors.

Our main event pitted “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams against “Zombie Princess” Jimmy Jacobs. Jacobs had already ensured that this would be a fair fight by appealing to Williams’ sense of honor and requesting the other two Night Ryderz not get involved. This was an excellent physical contest between a master of both mind games and high-flying complexities and a man known for devastating striking combinations. Unfortunately, the official got caught up in the action. The match, however, continued with a second referee arriving to call it straight down the middle and Jacobs seizing the advantage. The second referee was easily distracted, so Jimmy took a different track and punched Aaron right in the baddest balls alive. Williams crumpled into a heap, and the original official slid in to make the three count. With that Jacobs proved once again that the princess always gets what he wants!

Jimmy Jacobs, Jessicka Havok, and many more of your favorite wrestlers will appear at Rockstar Pro’s Halloween Havok ’96 in January! Dress up in your favorite spooky gear, revel in the dark energies that surround Dayton, and get ready for Halloween in January! And don’t forget to catch up on everything Rockstar Pro at Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.

*I still refuse to call him “Big Daddy Ron.”

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