Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 12-20-17)

T’was the Amped before Christmas, and all through the ring yadda yadda yadda. You get the idea. Beloved tags teams returned! Both Crist brothers were in action! Two title matches were contested! Just another Wednesday night at Rockstar Pro’s Amped. If you were dumb enough to miss this one, thank your lucky stars that your old pal Bork is here with another wrestling recap.

Match one was between the only two competitors at Rockstar Pro to ever defeat “Legendary” Larry D. That being said, Rockstar Pro management decided to make this the first of a Best of Seven Series between “Kinetic” Cole Radrick and day one original Nate Wings. This one was fast and furious with frenetic action right from the get-go. In shades of their last encounter, Cole went for an Ankle Lock before thinking better of it. In the end, it was Wings who would prove that creative ingenuity can overcome unbridled enthusiasm and energy. When Radrick lifted Wings up onto his shoulders, Nate quickly countered into a Small Package for a pinfall win. Nate Wings takes the early 1-0 lead in the series!

Tag team action followed between the debuting Diamond Dogs (Graham Bell & Shad Satu) and Rockstar Nation favorites the Hooligans (Devin & Mason Cutter). I gotta say, Diamond Dogs survived their contest with the Cutter brothers far longer than I ever expected. Satu in particular got in some very impressive offense. He’s a big dude who knows how to throw his weight around! Ultimately, it was the Hooligans boisterous, brawling style that won the day. The Hooligans took the victory with a brutal Double Stomp/Piledriver combo on Bell. Hooligans looked great heading into their matchup with the Gym Nasty Boys at Halloween Havok ’96!

Up next was a Fatal Four-Way between Ace Austin, Alvarado, Salem Ash and Jeremiah. Just as the match was beginning, Ash went down hard while delivering a move to Austin and seemed to suffer a serious injury. Alvarado lurked around the ring like a creepy clown. Jeremiah was able to pin Austin from out of nowhere to bring this one to a quick end. The “Juggernaut” then grabbed a mic and proceeded to make more threats against Rockstar Pro World Champion Jake Crist and inform the Rockstar Nation that Jeremiah would once again wear the green and gold around his waist after his title shot at Halloween Havok ’96. The Nation did not take kindly to that notion.

The mind of the Night Ryderz Dustin Rayz took on Pompano Joe in a singles contest just one week after “Everyone’s Homie” attacked the Ryderz with a steel chair last week. Joe had clearly embraced a newer, more violent attitude since losing his tag team partner Donovan Danhausen. He and Rayz went back-and-forth in a hard-hitting affair that brought the Rockstar Nation to the edge of their seats. In a brief instant when the official looked away, Pompano blasted Rayz in the face with his boombox and quickly pinned him for the win. Pompano Joe continues to surprise us with a newfound lust for destruction!

More great tag team came up next between the pair of “The Unstoppable” Brody King and “The Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist and The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards). Crist looked as great as he always does, and King appeared to be a giant version of the tattooed Dayton native. Meanwhile, the Dirty looked more jacked than ever! As Dave turned his attention to his corner and called for Brody to jump in, the unthinkable happened! Edwards shocked the Nation with a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it O’Conner Roll on Crist to bring The Dirty an incredible pinning victory over one of the greatest wrestlers in the world today! The fallout from this one could be absolutely massive!

“True Grit” Bruce Grey took on “Professional Waste of Human Life” Jon Murray in a one-on-one contest. Of course the match began with Murray coaxing the Nation to taunt Grey over and over regarding the DDT. Murray and Mathis and the entire Rockstar Nation think that the DDT is broken. Grey, however, would prove all the idiots and haters wrong. He was able to overcome the taunts and jeers and truly take it to Jon Murray. Grey delivered three amazing Uberkicks to Murray’s fat face before destroying the fattest man alive with a crushing DDT! See? It still works! The DDT is NOT broken!

Next up, was the first of two title matches! The Foundation (Trios Champions Captain Ron Mathis, Benjamin Boone & Pat the Bruiser) defended their gold against Gucci Gang (Zachary Wentz, Clayton Jackson & Myron Reed). As expected, there was dissension in the ranks of The Foundation. Neither Trios Tag Champion could stand having Mathis as their captain. Unfortunately, this inability to get on the same page would lead to their downfall. Say what you will about Gucci Gang (That they’re a bunch of egotistical prima donna bullies, for example), but at least they stick together as a team. Boone tried to blast Mathis in the face with a championship belt, and everything went downhill for The Foundation from there. Mathis took his eyes off the prize and hit Boone with a mean ATM Piledriver. Afterward, Gucci Gang took control. Clayton delivered a massive 3CC Spear to Mathis, driving the Rockstar Pro Trios Captain Champion right into the arms of an awaiting Zachary Wentz. Wentz made the pin on Mathis, and we had new god damn Trios Champions! They’ll never let me hear the end of this.

Our main event saw “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist put the Rockstar Pro World Championship on the line once again in an open challenge with Night Ryder “Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams answering the call. These two have quite a history at Rockstar Pro far beyond being Tag Team Champions together as the Baddest Killers Alive! They’ve both written Rockstar Pro history, and they were determined to do it once again in the night’s main event. This was an incredible match full of memorable, breathtaking moments. Time and time again it seemed that Williams would get the best of our World Champion, but Jake is known as “One Mean Hombre” for a reason. Sooner or later, he’s gonna take his opponent down. Jake took a decisive victory with a Work of Art into a Copy of the NWO DVD into his unbreakable Dragon Sleeper! What a match!

What an incredible night, and you can catch it all as a free preview episode of Amped at Rockstarpronetwork.com! There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll want a monthly $5 subscription to our network after watching it. Coming soon it’s going to be Halloween in January. Join us for Halloween Havok ’96 (featuring Jessicka Havok) on Friday, January 5th! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.

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