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Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 12-27-17)

December 29, 2017

 

The year is coming to an end, but all is not lost! Before losing yourself in a downward spiral of broken resolutions and inevitable disappointments, find out what happened at the last Amped of 2017!

 

Apparently our announcer JP was too busy to join us, so my co-commentator the incomparably incompetent Mark Turner took over announcing duties. He introduced Pompano Joe and invited him to join him in the ring. Instead of having a handicapped match against both Dustin Rayz and Alex Colon, Pompano was giving time on the mic. Joe called out the Night Ryderz, claiming they were ducking him like cowards. It was also announced that Colon would not be medically cleared to compete at Halloween Havok ’96: A Three Hour Extravaganza, so it’ll be a Three-Way Dance between Dustin Rayz, Pompano Joe and the returning Sugar Dunkerton! Joe claimed to be up to the challenge. We’ll see how it goes for him on January 5th!

 

Our first contest was the second match of the Best of Seven Series between “Kinetic” Cole Radrick and Nate Wings. Wings entered the match leading the series 1-0, while Radrick had everything to gain. This was a fast-paced, high-energy affair between two athletes eager to best their opponent. Cole got in a few good licks, but Nate seemed to have the edge in this one. Out of the blue, Nate struck with a Hurricanrana that drove Cole’s thick skull into the canvas. Three seconds and a pin later, Nate took the win to now lead the series with a record of 2-0. Radrick’s already digging a deep hole in this series. Time will tell if he can learn to dig up.

 

We next saw one of Rockstar Pro’s signature matches return in a five-man Mosh Pit Scramble! Competitors included “The Kid” Vinny Pacifico, Eddie Only, Clayton Jackson, “Unpredictable” JGeorge Estrella and Ace Austin. The crazed insanity of a scramble was clearly captured in this match with all five competitors flying around the ring desperate to gain an advantage. In the end it was “Gainz” who took over. Ugh. Jackson hit his impressive 3CC Spear on JGeorge to gain the victory. What a muscle dummy!

 

As Clayton celebrated his victory he was joined by the rest of the Rockstar Pro Trios Champions Gucci Gang, “Too Sick for this World” Zachary Wentz and “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed. All three bragged about being young and awesome and champions before they were interrupted by “The Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist and “Iron Manager” JT Davidson. JT expressed some concern about the new Trios Champions. They had all three reached great heights in a very short amount of time. They were having a blast, but what would happen when the fun ended? What would happen when they no longer had the support of their OI4K family? Great questions, JT! I guess we’ll find out at Halloween Havok ’96 when OI4K (Dave Crist, Sami Callihan & Jessicka Havok) challenge Gucci Gang for the Trios Championships!

 

Singles action followed when “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams faced “Juggernaut” Jeremiah. These two had a nasty, hard-hitting contest highlighted by some of the most destructive strikes in the business. For each monstrous ridge hand that Aaron threw, Jeremiah would answer with a punt to the stomach. This was one of those matches that people subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com just to witness! With one smooth motion, Williams dropped Jeremiah on his head with his patented Cradle Piledriver to secure the victory. Williams will get a shot at revenge against Jimmy Jacobs on January 5th, while Jeremiah remains focused on taking down “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist.

 

In a triumphant return to Rockstar Pro Arena, Gregory Iron hit the ring with something on his mind. He knew he’d face a mystery opponent at Halloween Havok ’96, but he wanted to make the match even more 90s! Iron declared that his contest will be a... Something on a Pole Match! We’ll see how that works out for him. At Amped, however, he faced 1/3 of the Rockstar Pro Trios Champions “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed. Myron tried a lot of his high-flying offense on Iron, but the “Handicapped Hero” fought back with fire and gusto. Myron pulled a fast one on Greg to finish the match with a quick Schoolboy that stole the win.

 

In one of the most hate-filled rivalries at Rockstar Pro, “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis squared off against “True Grit” Bruce Grey. They went at one another with righteous indignation and Biblical fury, throwing haymakers and fighting tooth and nail. Ron nearly managed to lock in the Torture Rack, but Bruce fought his way out. Bruce also ended up on the receiving end of some DDTs from Mathis, but you don’t do that to Bruce Grey! The match was ruled a no contest when both Ron and Bruce individually threw junior official Bobson Dugnutt across the ring. Mathis’ allies and the rest of The Foundation flooded into the ring while Grey and Mathis fought into the locker room.

 

This led directly into a tag team match between The Foundation’s Pat the Bruiser and “Big Bear” Ben Boone and the two idiots dumb enough to befriend Mathis “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights and “Wide Boi” Jon Murray. Boone focused much of his offense on Heights, while Murray and the Bruiser bumped bellies. Pat even gave Murray a taste of his own disgusting medicine with a Thumb in the Bum! Prospect #2 fucked up big time causing PTB to be caught wide open. Murray launched his significant girth into Pat with a S’beer, and Heights and Murray got the win.

 

Our main event was a continuation of Rockstar Pro World Champion “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist’s open challenge. This time he would defend his World Championship against Trios Champions Captain Zachary Wentz! I’m not going to tell you how awesome this match was, as you can probably figure it out for yourself. If only there were some centralized location on the internet where you could watch all your favorite Rockstar Pros in action... Hmm... Anyway, Wentz blew his big chance at becoming the only Rockstar to ever simultaneously hold both the Trios Championship and the World Championship when he leapt directly into the waiting arms of Crist. Jake locked in the Dragon Sleeper, and that was that! “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist remains your Rockstar Pro World Champion!

 

The year is almost over. End it on a high note with Rockstar Pro! Subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for only five bucks a month. Also catch the first Amped of the year next week and ring in the season with Halloween Havok ’96: A Three Hour Extravaganza on Friday, January 5th! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.

 

 

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