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Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 1-10-18)

January 11, 2018

 Yo yo yo, hog-bottomed slop ploppers! Halloween Havok ’96: A Three-Hour Extravaganza is a thing of the past, and we’re blasting into the future at the speed of violence here at Rockstar Pro! Just days after OI4K won the Rockstar Pro Trios Championships, Trios Champions Captain Jessicka Havok put her title on the line against the man who last held that very title. But before we get to the main event, we have a lot of excellent wrestling to address. Let’s do it to it!

 

We kicked things off with a singles match between Ace Austin and “Kinetic” Cole Radrick. Ace was riding high after his victory over Jaxon Stone, while Cole had to have been struggling after another humiliating loss to Nate Wings. Austin showed that he was firing on all cylinders, while Radrick appeared frustrated and stuck in his own head. Mind games continued with Ace’s prestidigitation, but Radrick wouldn’t fall for it this time. Radrick hit Ode to Tomorrow on Austin to get the win and maintain at least a shred of dignity. Could this be a turning point for Cole after a humiliating clean sweep loss to Wings in their Best of Seven Series? We shall see.

 

Triple Threat action followed between Alvarado, The Foundation’s Pat the Bruiser, and “Too Swole To Control” Clayton Jackson. Pat and Alvarado got in some early offense, but it didn’t take long before this match was all Clay all the time. His smile had to have belied his disappointment at Gucci Gang’s epic loss last week. Nevertheless, he persisted. Jackson nearly tore Pat in half with the 3CC to take the victory. Good win, Clay. You should be really proud of yourself. Too bad you’re no longer a Trios Tag Champion, dingus! Ha!

 

Match three saw a fascinating debut at Rockstar Pro. “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed went head-to-head against Rockstar Pro newcomer Brian Pillman Jr! This young man had quite the legacy to live up to, and he showed tons of promise and ample potential. Pillman Jr. displayed his picture perfect Dropkick and hit Myron with quite the impressive Bridging German Suplex. Reed, however, proved to be the newcomer’s toughest challenge yet in his admittedly young career. Brian aggressively charged Myron only to run into a knee strike. Reed hit his picture perfect 450 Splash to get the pinfall victory. Both former Trios Tag Champions got big wins. It must be so much easier to wrestle competitively without all that gold around their waists! 

 

Next up, our announcer J “Nerdlinger” P invited “Iron Manager” JT Davidson into the ring. Davidson wore the Rockstar Pro World Championship over his should as he beamed with pride. He boasted about OI4K being on top at Rockstar Pro with Jake Crist as World Champion and Jessicka Havok, Sami Callihan and Dave Crist as Trios Champions. He addressed the topic of Jake defending his title in a rematch against Trey Miguel at VI, dubbing Trey and the Gucci Gang members of an entitled generation. For OI4K it all boiled down to respect.

 

Nate Wings took on Dustin Rayz in further singles action. While physically contrasting, both men display vast knowledge of pro wrestling techniques. Wings focused his offense on Rayz’s left arm, but Dustin pressed onward with a single-minded determination. Despite the damage to his arm, Rayz lifted Wings high into the air and repeatedly slammed his diminutive opponent into the canvas. Rayz dumped Wings right on his little head with a monstrous Catalyst Driver to win the contest. That move looks more and more devastating every time!

 

Another Night Ryder was in action against the man who has been the bane of their group’s existence for weeks. It was “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams against “Everyone’s Homie” Pompano Joe. Pompano must have paid close attention to Wings’ tactics in the previous match, as his bread and butter was working over Williams’ arm. These two ring generals pushed one another to their limits and put on one exciting athletic contest. The Ryderz enjoy busting heads, and this match was no exception. Williams dropped Joe right on his noggin with his patented Cradle Piledriver for the pinfall victory. As Williams was about to exit, “Juggernaut” Jeremiah appeared on the entrance ramp. Jeremiah reminded Williams about their match at VI and that only the “Juggernaut” was a two-time Rockstar Pro World Champion. Williams may have held the Rockstar Pro Championship a record three times, but only once was it a World Title. Williams invited Jeremiah to prove himself then and there in the ring, but Rockstar’s redheaded stepchild simply walked away. I’m already looking forward to seeing these two warriors go at it!

 

A tag team match came next between The Foundation (“True Grit” Bruce Grey & “Big Birthday Boy” Ben Boone) and the team of “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis and “God’s Gift to Arby’s” Jon Murray. The stakes were high with the winning team getting to decide the stipulation for Bruce and Ron’s match at VI. Boone and Grey both looked great early on in the match, showing Mathis and his alarmingly obese friend how to work together as a team. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long before hijinks ensued. Murray and (regrettably) Mathis both inserted their thumbs into their opponents’ backsides to gain the advantage. This allowed Mathis to lift Boone into the Torture Rack and force the birthday boy to tap out. With that win, Mathis had the good fortune of choosing the stipulation for his match against Grey at VI. The bloodthirsty Mathis screeched that it would be a Chillicothe Death Match. Poor Bruce! It’d be a shame if something happened to that ruggedly handsome face!

 

Our main event was for the Rockstar Pro Trios Captains Championship between the defending “Havok Death Machine” Jessicka Havok and the challenging former Trios Captain “Too Sick for this World” Zachary Wentz! Wentz wanted desperately to gain back his gold and lord it over his former mentors Trios Tag Champions Sami Callihan and Dave Crist, but that was a task easier said than done. It was a great back-and-forth affair that had the entire Rockstar Nation on the edge of their seats. Havok hit Wentz with an incredible Avalanche Tombstone that the entire arena thought would end the contest. Zach, however, kicked out and fought on. Jessicka would not give up her newly won gold without a fight. Despite Zach’s best efforts, the “Havok Death Machine” gained the advantage. Havok hoisted Wentz up and crushed him into the mat with a Beautiful Disaster to get the pinfall and the win! Havok remains your Trios Champions Captain, and OI4K remain on top!

 

We’re less than a month away from Rockstar Pro’s six year anniversary show appropriately titled VI! Or Six if your teachers failed you. Things are falling into place for what is bound to be our biggest and best show ever! Don’t forget to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for only five clams per month to ensure your don’t miss any of the best wrestling around. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.

 

 

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