Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 1-24-18)

Welcome back, wank pheasants! If you missed this week’s Amped, then you missed one of the best wrestling shows of 2018 thus far! Every wrestler in the building was feeling energetic and determined to steal the show. It’s this internal competition that makes Rockstar Pro so goddamn phenomenal! Let’s get to it.

The evening began with a singles match between the enigmatic Alvarado and a Rockstar since day one in Nate Wings. Alvarado went right after Wings, lifting his more lithe opponent high before slamming his back to the canvas. Wing fought his way back using speed, savvy and sound strategy. Both competitors threw mean forearms at one another, and Alvarado once again gained the advantage. Out of the blue, Nate pinned Alvarado’s shoulders to the mat with a quick O’Connor Roll in a return to his winning ways.

Two newcomers to Rockstar Pro debuted in our next contest. It was Big Sean Studd versus “The Last Incan Warrior” Rayo. Seeing Studd in the ring instantly brought me back to the 1989 Royal Rumble where his father stood victorious as the last man in the ring. Rayo, on the other hand, impressed with speed and agility. Each and every one of his kicks looked incredibly vicious too. This match was very much a cat and mouse affair with Rayo avoiding getting too close to Studd. In the end Studd wrapped his thick fingers around Rayo’s neck and delivered a massive Chokeslam for the 1-2-3. It was an equally impressive debut for both athletes.

Match number three pitted another Rockstar Pro newcomer “Acey Baby” Ace Romero against “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Jackson. Talk about two hosses in the ring! There aren’t many men in this world who can make Jackson look small, but Romero actually pulled it off. Ace not only showed off his massive size, but he also impressed with his explosive speed and agility. He and Jackson brawled outside of the ring before taking the action back into the squared circle. Clayton gave his best effort and even hit an incredible Flying Clothesline from the top turnbuckle. The gainz train came to a sudden stop, however, when Ace hit a punishing Uranage Slam to earn a pinfall victory in his first match at Rockstar Pro. Afterward, Jackson extended his hand in a pathetic show of so-called good sportsmanship. Romero rewarded this gesture with a swift kick to the crotch and another Uranage Slam for good measure. Welcome to Rockstar Pro, Ace! You’ve already made quite the impression... in Clay’s balls.

Next up, “Iron Manager” JT Davidson hit the ring with Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Champions “Worldwide Desperado” Sami Callihan and “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist and Rockstar Pro World Champion “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist. Davidson talked up his boys and turned his attention to Jake’s title defense at VI. As JT began to badmouth Crist’s opponent, Trey Miguel himself confidently joined OI4K in the ring. Trey got right in JT’s face, delivering a cruel slap to the face of the “Iron Manager.” Jake then Superkicked Trey in the back of the head before Davidson hit “The Fresh Prince of Midair” with a Spinebuster! What the hell? JT then announced that he had been medically cleared and hoped to face Trey in the near future! I must admit I did not see that one coming. Hopefully for Trey, he’ll find some degree of success in his title shot against Jake on February 2nd.

“The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams took on Ace Austin in one-on-one action. Okay. I know I get excited and hype up a lot of matches, but this was seriously the best Ace Austin has ever looked in the Rockstar ring. He and Williams looked more motivated than ever as they tested one another’s limits in this stellar confrontation. They gave all of you yet another great reason to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com! Ace seemed to have the perfect response for everything that Aaron threw at him. That was until Williams blew the entire Rockstar Nation away with a tribute to the late Misawa in an earth-shattering Emerald Flowsion! “The BMA” couldn’t celebrate his hard-won victory for long before Jeremiah attacked him from behind and stomped on his leg. Fellow Night Ryder Dustin Rayz quickly came to Williams’ aid, but Jeremiah’s damage had already been done. To his credit Aaron simply laughed off the attack. I can’t wait to see these two collide at VI.

The Foundation’s “Handicapped Hero” Gregory Iron squared off against “Kinetic” Cole Radrick in another singles match. Cole relied upon his usual enthusiasm and block-headed determination, while Iron implemented his veteran instincts and seasoned skills. Fortunately, the leader of The Foundation was in Iron’s corner. “True Grit” Bruce Grey used his wisdom and wile to give Gregory a bit of an advantage (even though he barely even needed it), and afterward Radrick didn’t stand a chance. Iron was able to keep Radrick down with a picture perfect Flatliner to bring The Foundation another well-deserved victory.

Four corners tag mayhem followed between the pair of “White Trash Messiah” Ron Mathis and “Every Buffet’s Nightmare” Jon Murray, The Dirty (Brandon Edwards and Austin Manix), Smoothie Kings (Pompano Joe and Suge D), and The Foundation (“Big Bear” Ben Boone and Pat the Bruiser). This match was pure insanity with all eight competitors going all out. Even Jon Murray went for a high-flying maneuver. He failed, of course, but that’s hardly breaking news. Somehow, someway, after a uncomfortable delay Murray hit his patented Choke Bomb on Suge D to earn a win for himself and Mathis. Bruce Grey soon hit the ring to DDT Murray and Mathis and spit hate at Mathis’ face. Despite the efforts of Samantha Heights and Jon Murray, Grey kept Mathis down and preached his spite for the “White Trash Messiah.” Mathis fought back to an upright position, and the two good friends turned better enemies fought back into the locker room.

The penultimate match of the night was between “Juggernaut” Jeremiah and Dustin Rayz of the Night Ryderz. Dustin was hungry for revenge against the man who refused to stop attacking his brother in arms Aaron Williams. Rayz fought with his usual violent aplomb, but Jeremiah is called “Juggernaut” for a reason. Jeremiah delivered Ultimate Destruction before a nasty Destruction Combo #4 to cover Rayz for three seconds and take the win. God damn. Jeremiah may be a great fighter, but he’s still a gigantic asshole.

Our main event saw “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed go toe-to-toe with the man who is better than all of you Maxwell Jacob Friedman. Myron relied on his aerial offense as much as possible, but MJF locked onto his opponent’s left arm and went in for the kill. I’m not going to go into the details because if you weren’t there you don’t deserve them! Or you could just subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com, ya ding dongs. Myron hit a great looking Firefly, but MJF muscled out of the pin and flung Reed on top of the referee. As the official was out, Ace Romero ran to the ring and destroyed Myron with his powerful Uranage. Friedman didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and made the cover. What a win for MJF! It looks like Friedman and Romero, or Team Tiger Blood, are here to challenge OI4K for Dayton’s dominance!

We’re just over a week away from VI, and it’s going to be one helluva night! Come help us celebrate our sixth anniversary with our biggest show of the year. Be sure to catch up on all things Rockstar Pro for just five bucks a month at Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling. You idiots.

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