Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 3-14-18)
Jon Murray is still Rockstar Pro World Champion. Life has no meaning. Let’s talk wrestling anyway.
Amped began with a celebration, as the Rockstar Nation welcomed home Zachary Wentz from his two month trip to Japan and China. Yeah, yeah. Everyone loves him. Big whoop. Zach didn’t say much before he was confronted by former Gucci Gang comrade Clayton Gainz. Gainz appearance was only misdirection, as Trey Miguel slid into the ring and attacked Wentz from behind! The two put the boots to Wentz until the young man was saved by his pops Dave Crist. This confrontation gave us a new main event for the evening. Dave Crist and Zachary Wentz would team up against Trey Miguel and Clayton Gainz in tag team action!
Our first bout of the night saw “Kinetic” Cole Radrick take on “America’s Next Top Star” Jaxon Stone. Stone both outweighed his opponent and towered over him despite Radrick’s delusional belief that he’s over six feet tall. Obviously, the power game didn’t work for Cole. He quickly switched to his bread and butter of spastic, overly-energetic offense. Jaxon gave Cole a run for his money, but that pasty little man can wrestle. Radrick suddenly hit Just One Yesterday to down Stone for the 1-2-3. Good work, ya doughy teardrop.
Match two pitted the veteran Pompano Joe against “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights. Heights hit the ring with tons of energy, ready to once again prove to herself and everyone else in the Rockstar Pro Arena that she is one of the top talents in pro wrestling today. The two had an evenly matched contest that tested one another’s competence and endurance in the ring. Heights hopped up onto Pompano’s shoulders in an attempt to use her leg strength to muscle him to the mat, but Joe countered into his patented Homey Driver for the pin and the win. Once again Pompano showed he has the strength and adaptability to hang with anyone on the Rockstar Pro roster. Afterwards, that weirdo that’s been showing up for the last couple of weeks showed up once again. It danced aggressively at Joe before being chased away by our most junior of officials.
Clad in his three-piece denim suit, The leader of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey stepped between the ropes to continue his State of The Administration address. It seems both “Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone and “Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise couldn’t make it to Amped. Perhaps they believed they had better things to do. Regardless, their absence did not please Grey. He fired their asses for dereliction of duty! Despite this massive shakeup in personnel, Bruce maintains that there is absolutely no chaos in The Administration. Follow him!
More singles action followed between Nate Wings and “Juggernaut” Jeremiah. These two put on a great contest consisting of hard hits, high-flying, and solid wrestling tactics. At least that was the case until Jon Murray waddled to the ringside area. He wandered around in search of something, checking under the ring from multiple angles. This distracted Jeremiah but not enough to break his focus away from his opponent. Jeremiah lifted Wings into the air for a Pop-up Powerbomb, but Nate quickly countered into a Hurricanrana and a pin for the win! A frustrated Jeremiah confronted Murray, who pulled his Rockstar Pro World Championship belt out from beneath the ring. That obese idiot left it in the arena for an entire week! Jeremiah challenged Murray for the title right then and there, and that rangus accepted. There you go! At Spring Break the fattest asshole in Rockstar Pro meets the biggest asshole in Rockstar Pro for the World Championship! Whoever wins, we lose.
A Trios Tag Team Championship defense followed. It was Team Tiger Blood (MJF & Ace Romero) defending against both Night Ryderz (Alex Colon & Dustin Rayz) and The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards). As is custom with Trios Division matches, this one got out of control before it even began. All six athletes spilled out of the ring, rocking their opposition with knuckles, feet, and weapons as well. That’s the way we like it in Trios matches. No disqualifications, no count outs, and no time limits! Tiger Blood have been incredible Trios Champions since shortly after arriving at Rockstar Pro, but nothing lasts forever. After a noble effort against four amazing challengers, Ace and MJF fell just slightly short of a win. Rayz punished Friedman with a nasty Catalyst Driver, and three seconds later Night Ryderz were once again Trios Tag Team Champions! But what does this mean for the Trios Captain’s Champion Clayton Gainz? Will he have to associate with Colon and Rayz? Will he start dressing in all black and preferring shadow to light? Will he shave off his beautiful head of hair? We expected some unlikely alliances in Trios action, but this is ridiculous!
A clash of titans was up next between “Big Daddy Ron” Ron Mathis and “Legendary” Larry D. These two powerhouses had never before met in the ring, but Rockstar Pro knew that this was a matchup the world needed. The two men met like freight trains colliding. Larry D’s strength was never in doubt, but the Rockstar Pro faithful know that Mathis is both deceptively strong and possesses an undying will to fight. D pounded Mathis with his most devastating attacks, but Mathis always stood back up and asked for more. Ron got in a few good licks of his own, pushing Larry further than anyone before him. In the end, Larry took the win with a monstrous Over-the-Shoulder Backbreaker. After the match, a defiant Mathis rose to exclaim that he wanted more! It would seem that Larry D has unleashed something in Mathis. Something violent. Something dangerous.
Our main event saw the returning “Too Sick for This World” Zachary Wentz team up with “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist as father and son to take on “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel and “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz. Clay was accompanied by a disappointed and title-free Team Tiger Blood. Before the match began, Dave announced there would be a special guest in their corner. Holy shit! It was Dezmond Xavier! Dez immediately went after MJF, and the match began in chaotic fashion. All three young men in this contest put in a great effort, and their youthful energy motivated the veteran Crist to pull out all the stops and test their physical limits. You know what? This one got too crazy to fully explain here. Just subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to see what I mean. In all the chaos, Trey was able to pin Dave with a Schoolboy and secure the victory! Sure, he had a handful of tights. But the ref didn’t see it, so it didn’t happen! The winning duo were joined in the ring by MJF and Romero to put the boots to the defeated pair. It didn’t take long before the odds were changed in OVE’s favor. Jake Crist and a baseball bat armed Sami Callihan sped to the ring to aid their family. Sami even tried to do to Trey what he recently did to Eddie Edwards, but the slippery Miguel quickly escaped. Callihan, the Crist brothers, Zach, and Dezmond all stood tall in the ring.
Shit is getting crazier by the moment at Rockstar Pro Wrestling. Who knows what sort of havoc next week’s Supershow will bring? There are two great ways to find out. Come see us live each and every Wednesday night at 1106 E. 3rd Street in Dayton, or subscribe to Rockstarponetwork.com for just five bucks a week. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.