Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped Supershow 3-21-18)
Welcome back to Wrestleplace, plebes. My arch nemesis continues to hold the highest prize in Rockstar Pro Wrestling, and he gets a super special Supershow to boot. I’ve no doubt he’s doing irreparable damage not only to Rockstar’s reputation but to the belt itself. Mark my words it’ll be stained with flavor dust, covered in cigarette burns, and reeking of stale beer for all eternity. No big deal, right? We just have an obese, incompetent goofball as a world champ. I should just move on and be happy with all the other great action at Rockstar Pro. Right? RIGHT!? Wrong! It is a big deal! I will not stand for Jon Murray as World Champion, and neither should you! Gah, I’m choking on my own rage here.
Our first contest of the Supershow pitted young “Hot Fire” Myron Reed against part of the Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions in Night Ryder Alex Colon. It was a great matchup between two accomplished athletes. As much a battle of wits as a battle between bodies, each man attempted to get the psychological advantage over the other. Reed climbed to the top turnbuckle and leapt at Colon, but Alex caught Myron and dumped him on his head with a cruel Driver for the pin and the win. See? Two great athletes come together for a phenomenal match. Murray should’ve taken notes on this one.
Next up was a Rockstar Pro favorite, the Mosh Pit Scramble! This iteration featured eleven hungry competitors including Jeremiah, Nate Wings, Ace Romero, Steve Manders, Samantha Heights, Lord Crewe, Cole Radrick, Pompano Joe, Sage Cainan, Shane Bender and Graham Bell. It was all madness and fury once the bell rang. Hard hits? Check. High-flying dives? You bet. Brutal strikes? Absolutely. The action spilled outside of the ring early on, and the frenetic melee continued both in and outside of the ring. Once “Acey Baby” had Bell in his sights it was all over. Ace hit Bell with a debilitating Uranage Slam followed immediately by a crushing Running Senton to stand victorious over ten other competitors. Great work, Ace! Even with MJF taking care of business elsewhere, Team Tiger Blood continues to kick ass in Dayton.
The Rockstar Nation was once again honored by the presence of the leader of the Administration when “True Grit” Bruce Grey hit the ring in his finest denim. Grey spoke eloquently and intelligently to a bemused Rockstar Nation. It wasn’t long before Bruce was joined by former Administration members Mr. Boone and Mr. Bruise. He assured them that their firing last week was only a prerequisite to their promotion this week. Boone would become the EXECUTIVE Secretary of Defense, while Bruise reveled in his new title of EXECUTIVE Secretary of Offense. It would seem their unrelenting faith in their leader paid off. Just like Brucey Jack says, “Trust in The Administration!”
Awesome tag team action followed between two teams the entire Rockstar Nation was eager to see return. The Gym Nasty Boys (White Mike & Timmy Lou Retton) took on the reassembled duo of the Killer Death Machines (Jessicka Havok & Nevaeh)! White Mike began by running his mouth and talking smack about women’s wrestling. What the heck, Mike? I thought you were far more forward-thinking than that. Nevertheless, the Gym Nasties quickly discovered that they were outmatched in the ring. The “Killer Queen” and “Havok Death Machine” outwrestled their opponents for the majority of this one. Both Nevaeh and Havok wrapped their hands around their opponents’ throats and delivered synchronized Death From Above Choke Slams to Mike and Timmy Lou. Better luck next time, boys! Maybe you can follow Jon Murray’s lead of getting drunk and asking nicely for a title shot. Or you could actually work for it. Nah! Why bother?
Ron Mathis loves a good fight, and Larry D gave him just what he loves at the previous week’s Amped. Of course Mathis wanted more and demanded another encounter with “Legendary” Larry D. Mathis wouldn’t wait for D to ready himself, jumping Larry before the match even began. The two punched each other repeatedly, jockeying for an advantage. In a move that seemed to defy gravity itself, Larry D hit a Crossbody from the top rope that absolutely flattened Mathis! Where most wrestlers would only writhe around the canvas in pain, Mathis came to his feet with a huge smile on his face. He really had fun in that match! What kind of maniac actually enjoys getting destroyed by the monstrous Larry D?
We had another great tag team contest up next, as Hooligans (Devin & Mason Cutter) returned to compete against The Dirty (Austin Manix & Brandon Edwards). These four brawlers gave the Rockstar Nation exactly what they were salivating for, a fight! Fans were split in their support for these two popular teams, and the hits kept coming hard and heavy. In a moment that shocked the Nation, Manix and Edwards teamed up on Devin to drive his skull straight into the mat. Three seconds later The Dirty were victorious! What a huge win for one of the roughest tag teams at Rockstar Pro over former Tag Team Champions!
Clayton Gainz’s Trios Captain’s Championship was on the line against Trios Tag Team Champion and Night Ryder Dustin Rayz in our next match! The veteran Rayz did his best to outwrestle and outsmart his muscular opponent, but Clay proved to be wise beyond his years. The perceptive Gainz took advantage of a distracted official to spit a mouthful of pre-workout into Dustin’s face before running through him with a monstrous 3CC. Great job, Clay! Now Rayz can never again challenge for the Trios Captain’s Championship during the reign of Gainz! Clayton Gainz truly is the type of champion Rockstar Pro needs and deserves.
Next up, Jon Murray defended the Rockstar Pro World Championship against the incredible athlete “Special Dark” Suge D. But I had to suffer one more humiliation before this match even began. Rockstar Pro Principal Owner CW Scott hit the ring to present Jon Murray with the exquisite new title belt! What the actual fuck!? The worst World Champion we’ve ever had, and a new belt is debuted during his title reign? Ridiculous! So there was a stupid match that stupid Jon Murray won in the stupidest way possible. Murray pretended to be Hulk Hogan and won the match with the fattest, dumbest Leg Drop of all time. Congrats, asshat! You got everything you want without earning any of it yet again. Fuck my life.
Our main event was a fusion of two sports. “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel went head-to-head against the “Dayton Slugger” Sami Callihan in a Home Run Derby Match. All bats were legal! This contest turned into sheer brutality almost immediately. Trey got almost too literal with a Suicide Dive that Sami met with a bundle of duct taped bats! Each new bat seemed more dangerous than the previous. This shit got out of control fast. Sami hoisted Trey high into the air and brought him down via a Powerbomb into the tub full of bats that was so forceful I honestly thought Miguel’s retinas would detach. Callihan then set up a chair above Miguel and smash both man and chair with a baseball bat! Dammit! Trey deserves so much better than that!
Well, crap baskets, that’s about it. You can see more of Jon Murray’s idiocy and more of my inevitable descent into madness each and every soul-shattering Wednesday at Amped. You can also catch up on Rockstar Pro and tons of other wrestling promotions for just five bones a month at Rockstarpronetwork.com. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.