Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped Supershow 4-18-18)

You know, we’re too good to you. Two Supershows in the span of a month is a substantial gift I hope all of you deeply appreciate. Then again, you cheer for Jon Murray. Therefore, none of your opinions matter. On with the recap!

The Supershow began with a Mosh Pit Scramble. Entrants included Pompano Joe, “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe, The Dirty’s “Cutthroat” Austin Manix, the new CZW Heavyweight Champion Maxwell Jacob Friedman, and the three newcomers to Rockstar Pro “The Scholar” Ethan Price, Zac Taylor, and “Always Ready” Kody Lane. Wearing championship gold in this business is the same as having a target on your back, so of course everyone immediately attacked MJF. All seven men put in laudable efforts, with no one gaining a clear advantage throughout a majority of the match. In the end, however, it was Lord Crewe who planted his size 13 boot on Lane’s face before downing the man who claims to be “Always Ready.” Crewe was then immediately caught off guard by a precocious MJF who chucked the big man out of the ring and took the pinfall win over Lane. Another glorious victory for Maxwell Jacob Friedman!

Japan invaded Dayton once again in our second contest. “Tokyo Monster” Kahagas took on the mysterious Utamaro. Kahagas may be a monster, but he’s no dummy. He quickly avoided a spray of mist from Utamaro’s mouth in the early stages of the match. Styles clashed when Kahagas’ power met Utamaro’s unique offense. The two jockeyed for position in an evenly matched affair. This one ended in an instant when Kahagas collapsed Utamaro’s chest with a punishing Short Arm Clothesline. Both men’s efforts were appreciated by all who attended in a rare show of class by the Rockstar Nation. You absolutely must appreciate the fact that some of Japan’s best are eager to be a part of Rockstar Pro!

Women’s action followed between Roni “Big Bang” Nicole and “The Ballsy Badass” Shotzi Blackheart. Nicole overpowered and dominated Blackheart for most of the match. Every time Shotzi dug deep and mustered a comeback, Roni used her strength advantage to down her smaller opponent. A G.O. to Hell DDT brought this contest to a quick end, as Nicole dumped Blackheart directly on her head. Defeating Blackheart in such a fashion was an undeniably awe-inspiring way for Roni to get noticed in Dayton.

The Trios Tag Team Championships were on the line when Clayton Gainz and Dustin Rayz defended against Nate Wings and his mystery partner. Wings claimed to have searched far and wide for his partner. We know he went at least as far as Oakland, as he revealed his partner’s identity to be Steven Tresario! Nate and Steven worked surprisingly well together, especially considering it was their first match as a team. They were, however, no match for the team that had wrestled twice that number of contests as a tag team! Clay’s magnificent power was on display when he rocked Steven with the Muscliest Musclebuster Ever. Unfortunately, a jealous Rayz pushed Gainz away and stole the pin. Nevertheless, Gainz remains your Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions! Oh yeah, with Dustin Rayz as his tag partner.

It was a first time ever singles match between two of the Rockstar Nation’s favorite wrestlers when “Acey Baby” Ace Romero faced “Too Sick For This World” Zachary Wentz! I’m not going to do this conflict the injustice of attempting to describe it here. Just subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com. You won’t regret it. Oh, and skip the next sentence if you don’t want spoilers. Wentz took the W in this hard-fought war with a UFO Cutter for the pinfall. Afterward, both Sami Callihan and Dave Crist of OVE came to the ring to congratulate both competitors on a clear match of the year contender!

We weren’t done with the Trios division, as Rockstar Pro brought you a Trios Three Way Dance! It was The Administration (“True Grit” Bruce Grey, “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) versus Manage-A-Three (“Special Dark” Suge D, Timmy “Yam Yam” Retton & “Dr. Neck” White Mike) versus Fire Arms (“The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel & “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed) plus a deranged Cole Radrick in a Mario costume. I don’t even know where to begin. This match was pure insanity. Radrick became an animated stereotype. Suge D insisted that the match begin with a Soul Mass Transit System line. Mr. Boone pulled a Bodyguard to save Grey from one of Reed’s Flame On attacks. Fortunately, we can all trust in The Administration. Our president Bruce Grey leveled Suge D with a picture-perfect DDT for the pin and the win. Great job, Brucey! Myron and Trey, I expect a win from you next time. You’re the future of this company!

The new generation of violence met one of the most dangerous men in pro wrestling’s storied history when “The Dayton Slugger” Sami Callihan faced “The Taskmaster” Kevin Sullivan in a Dayton Street Fight. In the true fashion of a street fight, these warriors almost immediately brawled out into the Rockstar Nation. However, that wasn’t before Sami delivered a swift kick to Kevin’s dick. Hey, it was a Street Fight! Sami threw garbage cans at Sullivan, and Sullivan responded by repeatedly slamming Callihan’s face into a table. They fought all around the building until “The Taskmaster” threw Sami back into the ring. Sami quickly turned the tables by locking in a Rear Naked Choke complete with a grapevining of the legs to force the referee to call for the bell. Sami Callihan once again proves that he’ll fight like nobody else and procure a win by any means necessary!

In a rematch from Spring Break: Friday the 13th “Juggernaut” Jeremiah once again challenged “Brown Thumb” Jon Murray for the Rockstar Pro World Championship. For no good reason this match was contested under Jon Murray Pro Rules. Once again Murray caught a couple of beers thrown by our drunkest members of the Rockstar Nation, and once again Jeremiah denied him any hoppy refreshment. During the fracas, Jeremiah inadvertently clobbered junior junior official Bobson Dugnutt. P.D. Barton swiftly slid into the ring to officiate. Both Jeremiah and Barton brutally assaulted Murray (who totally deserved it) until former Bad Dude Pompano Joe saved Jon Murray from any further beating. Barton and Jeremiah ran away, as a totally sober Murray made one of the dumbest decisions of his life. He challenged Jeremiah to a Ladder Match with his Rockstar Pro World Championship on the line at the Gem City Slam! What a dimwit!

In our main event “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis faced “Legendary” Larry D in a Last Man Standing match. After five straight losses to D, Mathis finally defeated him at Spring Break. Apparently, Larry D was hungry for revenge. These two beat the ever-loving piss out of one another. Mathis somehow fought through the pain, wiping the blood from his brow in defiance. There were numerous close calls, as neither man would suffer the indignity of being unable to answer the ten count. Mathis rocked D with his devastating ATM Piledriver onto a mound of chairs, but Larry rose to his feet. Moments later, Larry D delivered his own Piledriver to Mathis on the same chairs. It was an incredibly close call, but Larry D momentarily got to his feet and eked out another victory. The scars from this match will be enough to last two lifetimes!

That’s it, banal buckaroos! Another killer Supershow in the books. Be sure to catch us live and in-person every Wednesday evening and online by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com for the insanely low price of just five bucks a month. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.

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