Voice of Professional Wrestling (Gem City Slam 5-4-18)
At the time of this writing, Jon Murray has been Rockstar Pro World Champion for three months and six days. That’s three months and six days of my own personal hell. Somehow it has felt like an eternity. But last Friday gave me hope. The Gem City Rumble offered up a new challenger, and now Murray’s days are truly numbered. We need to talk about the Gem City Slam.
Our opening match was a singles bout between Rockstar Pro day one original Nate Wings and the Mexican luchador Aeroboy. The two talented high-flyers immediately tested one another’s abilities, and they seemed to be quite evenly matched. What Nate gave up in size he gained back in speed and a desire to be the best. In this seesaw contest, neither man easily gained a clear advantage. The young luchador with a penchant for the extreme finally took the win with a beautiful Swanton from the top turnbuckle. Nate may not have won this one, but he still had a shot to come out on top in the Gem City Rumble.
We had only reached our second match, and there was already gold on the line! Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz and “The Catalyst” Dustin Rayz defended their titles against FireArms (“Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel & “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed). Rayz and Gainz might not be the best of friends, but they were able to hold on to their Trios Tag Titles for quite some time. FireArms immediately went on the offensive in this no count out, no disqualification Trios rules match. This one was nutso to the buttso! A series of Suicide Dives took its toll on these competitors, but none of them would let the pain win. Trey even flew face-first into the ringside barricade, but nothing can ground the “Fresh Prince of Midair” for long. Myron and Trey worked together brilliantly as a unit, but Rayz and Gainz would not give up the gold without a fight. Dustin had Myron at his mercy, and Clay looked to add insult to injury by spitting a mouthful of pre-workout into his face. Quicker than explosive diarrhea, Myron ducked out of the way and Rayz was blinded by Clay’s spray. It looked as if Clay would overpower Trey in a lockup, but Miguel stunned his larger opponent with Complementary Colors before Myron flattened Gainz with a 450 Splash! It was indeed Hot & Fresh! And with that we had brand new Trios Tag Team Champions! I knew these incredible, hard-working young men could accomplish their goal. Congratulations to Reed and Miguel!
Up next was the Three Stages of Hell contest between “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis and “Legendary” Larry D. D led Mathis with a 7-1 win/loss record when facing “Pure Trash” at Rockstar Pro, but Mathis was hungry for more. Stage one was a Chain Match in which steel chains were perfectly legal. The two warriors punched, kicked, and whipped one another with that unforgiving steel chain until both men were beaten and bloodied. Larry D took an early lead with a Knockout Blow from a chain-wrapped right hand. Three seconds later, Mathis was in a must win scenario. The second stage was a Submission Match, and this commentator has never once before seen Larry D give up. I guess there’s a first time for everything! It wasn’t long before Mathis employed the chain once again in a cruelly modified Crossface. He wrapped the steel chain around Larry’s face, grinding the unforgiving metal across D’s eyes and forcing the “Legendary” one to tap out. With the first two stages tied 1-1, the third stage was up next. These two combat weary gladiators had one last challenge in a Fans Bring the Weapons Match. The Rockstar Nation is filled with some real sickos, and they lived up to their reputation by bringing some truly nasty tools of destruction. Even after two matches these two absolutely beat the hell out of one another with trashcan lids, metal sheets, tack-covered bats, and more. Mathis gave Larry some of his best offense, but that massive brawler Larry D seemed somehow more powerful than before. D hit Ron with an Over-the-Shoulder Backbreaker and dumped his body into a pool of tacks. Three seconds later, Larry D had the pinfall win and defeated Mathis in Three Stages of Hell! Afterward, D actually extended his hand and the two thick-skinned combatants shared a moment of mutual respect. What a night! And it was about to get even better.
It was finally time for the Gem City Rumble, and it did not disappoint! Seriously, just stop reading this now and subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for a mere five Gem City clams a month. You know the score. Beginning with two competitors in the ring, a new challenger entered every 60 seconds. The winner would be the only one remaining in the ring after all 30 competitors entered the match. Our first two entrants were “Acey Baby” Ace Romero and “The Catalyst” Dustin Rayz. I’m not covering this one beat-for-beat, so here are some of the highlights (and lowlights). Clayton Gainz was eliminated by his own conniving tag team partner Dustin Rayz. The Administration worked together very well, as Mr. Boone lived up to his title of “Executive Secretary of Defense.” Poor, concussed Cole Radrick appeared three times as two ethnic stereotypes and Batman. We saw some new faces in Krimson, Silas Morgan, Atticus Cogar, and “The World’s Most Huggable Wrestler” Brian Castle. “American Buzzsaw” Aaron Williams returned to the Rockstar Pro Arena after being out for months with an injury. Big Jim made his return, and even “Pop! Vinyl King” Isaac got into the action. Famous B also made his Rockstar Pro debut, but unfortunately nobody got fame. Our final four competitors were a gloriously returned “The Artist” Jake Crist, Aaron Williams, my personal pick to win “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed, and the very first entrant “Acey Baby” Ace Romero! Somehow and someway, Ace Romero lasted longer than anyone in the history of the Gem City Rumble and eliminated his competition. By finally throwing Myron over the top rope, Romero secured his shot at any championship in all of Rockstar Pro! This was easily the greatest Rumble match in the history of the Gem City Slam!
From dizzying highs to soul-crushing lows, what followed was our main event. “America’s Burden” Jon Murray defended his Rockstar Pro World Championship against “Juggernaut” Jeremiah in a Ladder Match. This was one brutal match, but perhaps nothing was more brutal than Murray hitting the Thumb in the Bum on Jeremiah’s blindingly white bare ass. Murray had a great opportunity to grasp the gold, but in one of the sickest things I’ve ever seen Jeremiah Powerbombed his fat ass onto another ladder! Jeremiah went for the gold, but Junior Official Bobson Dugnutt got a measure of revenge. He blasted Jeremiah with an amazing Flatliner! This pissed off Jeremiah’s pet referee Senior Official P.D. Barton, but Murray repelled him with a Thumb in the Bum. Murray actually used his massive obesity to his benefit and trapped Jeremiah underneath the bottom rung of the tallest ladder as the portly pugilist climbed to the top and claimed his Rockstar Pro World Championship. Honestly, I don’t want either of these men representing Rockstar Pro in such a capacity, but here we are. Murray’s victory celebration was short-lived, as Ace Romero brought an end to the festivities. The two victorious fighters locked eyes and shook hands in a moment of pure intensity. “Acey Baby” is coming after Jon Murray’s Rockstar Pro World Championship!
Welp. Jon Murray is still World Champion. That sucks. However, Ace Romero is hungry for championship gold and Murray’s Rockstar Pro World Championship is on the menu. That doesn’t suck. I can’t wait to find out when and where Romero is going to challenge Murray! We’ll finally have a champion worth his weight in gold! See the best pro wrestling in the world every Wednesday night at Rockstar Pro Arena and replay your favorite parts again and again by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com. Things are about to get very, very interesting. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.