Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 5-30-18)
Greetings and welcome, turd herders. We’re mere hours away from Rockstar Pro Wrestling’s very first Tournament of Fight, and the tension hangs thick in the air. There was still one last Amped before the big show this week, so let’s cover all the action.
Our opening contest pitted “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights against “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe and Crash Jaxon and Pompano Joe in a Fatal Four-Way contest. Crewe brought his usual hard-hitting offense, Crash relied on pure power, Sam supplied the speed, while Joe relied on his veteran instincts. It was a fast-paced affair that kicked off the show with a great energy. Pompano eventually drilled Crash with a Homey Driver for the pinfall victory. No matter the match, Pompano is always a threat!
Two Rockstar Pro day one originals collided when Nate Wings faced “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis. Mathis attacked with his usual ferocity, but Wings had a game plan. He repeatedly reached into his gear for foreign objects that I couldn’t quite identify from the commentation station. Nate also aimed for every person’s weak point: the eyes! After a back-and-forth contest, Nate went for his coup de grace. This time, Wings pulled what appeared to be an aerosol can of men’s body spray from his tights and sprayed it directly into the eyes of Ron Mathis. This allowed Wings to easily pin Mathis’ shoulders to the mat with a Schoolboy for a huge win! It was truly some of the finest cheating I’ve ever witnessed in our sport!
Ace Austin faced “Special Dark” Suge D in singles action with pride on the line. The two competitors surprisingly showed a great deal of respect for one another in a true showing of wrestling acumen. Suge D kept the antics to a minimum and tried to slow Ace’s pace. He kept Austin on the mat as long as possible, but young Ace is a helluva athlete with a endless reserves of energy. Ace then picked up the pace and overwhelmed his opponent. Suge D found out that Austin can hit The Fold from any predicament, as a running Ace took him down and secured the win!
The Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Championships were up for grabs when Firearms (“The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel & “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed) defended against The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise & “John Matrix” Mr. Boone). The Adminstration clearly had the strength advantage, but my favorite tag team are no pushovers. Trey swung through the ropes to kick Boone in the back of the head before Myron drilled the commando with a Powerbomb. Three seconds later Firearms were still your Rockstar Pro Tag Team Champions! In a nasty display of soup grapes, The Administration violently attacked the celebrating Miguel and Reed. The lights went out, and when they again illuminated the ring Dustin Rayz was there to defend his Trio! Rayz fought off Boone and Bruise, clearing the ring for our next match!
It was Rockstar Pro Trios Captain’s Champion Dustin Rayz defending his gold against President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey. It was a colossal collision between two of the most devious minds in all of professional wrestling. Grey even made a miraculous recovery after dislocating his shoulder following a missed Flying Elbow Drop. When the official got in Grey’s face, Bruce shoved him out of the ring. A wild Clayton Gainz appeared, spat pre-workout into Grey’s face and hit “The Master and Ruler of the DDT” with his own DDT. This gave Rayz the perfect opportunity to dump Grey on his head with a mean Catalyst Driver and retain his Captain’s Championship. Clay grabbed a mic and claimed to be much smarter than Bruce. Come on, guys! Can’t we all just get along?
Singles competition followed between The Dirty’s “Cutthroat” Austin Manix and “Juggernaut” Jeremiah. This was a truly brutal, evenly matched contest that looked as if either wrestler could seize victory at any moment. To bring a clear conclusion to this very competitive matchup, Jeremiah drilled Manix in the face with a brutal Baddest Kick in the World to take the win. Will the “Juggernaut” fair so well against wrestling legend Tito Santana at the Tournament of Fight? Join us at the Rockstar Pro Arena this Friday to find out!
The so-called Rockstar Pro World Champion “America’s Burden” Jon Murray took on “Kinetic” Cole Radrick in non-title action. To the surprise of nobody, Murray hit Cole with the Thumb in the Bum with his so-called “consensual thumb” and then inserted that same dirty thumb into poor Radrick’s mouth. Murray then dropped Radrick with a Choke Bomb to get the win. Afterward, 2018 Gem City Rumble winner “Acey Baby” Ace Romero confronted Murray with some intimidating words. When Murray mouthed off, Ace hit him with the Uranage Slam/Senton combo that brought him so many victories in the past! I expect a similar result at the Tournament of Fight to crown a new Rockstar Pro World Champion!
Our main event pitted two entrants in the Tournament of Fight against one another in what could be a preview of the tournament finals. It was “Legendary” Larry D versus “Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams in a one-on-one confrontation. This one was a true slobberknocker. We all know that Williams is one of the most dangerous strikers in the game, but Larry D has overcome just about every challenge placed before him. In the end, Larry employed his dangerous right hand to deliver a Knockout Punch square to Williams’ jaw. What a match, and what a win for Larry D! Could we see a similar end to the Tournament of Fight? Will Larry D come out on top in our no ropes, Last Man Standing final? He’ll have to go through some tough competition to get there first.
That about does it for this edition of Amped. Be sure to be at the Rockstar Pro Arena on Friday, June 1st for the first ever Tournament of Fight! It could very well be Jon Murray’s last night at World Champion! I can’t wait! If you can’t be there you can catch up on all the action by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com for a mere five bones per month. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.