Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 6-13-18)

Hey, clam jams. Let’s get through this. Another Wednesday evening in Dayton means another impossibly great night of the best damn professional wrestling in the world. If you weren’t there to see it live, then you can rely on me to employ my pitch-perfect verbiage to bring the night alive in the form of text. You’re welcome.

The night began with my own personal nightmare: Jon Murray in the ring. The unlikely Rockstar Pro World Champion plopped down on his big, fat ass right in the middle of the ring for some so-called real talk. It seems the Rockstar Nation hurt poor, little Jon’s feelings by chanting “Next World Champ!” for Ace Austin. Murray also referred to Larry D. as a “beautiful angel” that saved his ass from losing the title at the Tournament of Fight. As the rotund champion struggled to get back to his feet, Murray declared he would fight like hell to remain Rockstar Pro World Champion. Good luck with that, chump.

Our first match of the evening was a four corners tag team contest between The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise), the pair of Crash Jaxon and Lord Crewe, PME (“Easy Lover” Philly C. & “Smooth Operator” Marino T.), and The Spirit of Detroit (“Michigan-Made Rebel” Jon’tae Keith & “The Natural” Lance Star). PME and Spirit of Detroit were eager to impress the Rockstar Nation, and they went all out. It was a chaotic affair with bodies flying all over the ring. Some bodies even hit the floor. In the end, Mr. Bruise drilled Jon’tae with The Pounce for the pin and the win. This is the kind of intense action that the Rockstar Nation gets on a weekly basis!

The Trios Tag Team Championships were on the line when the Rascalz (“Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel & “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed) defended against the unusual pairing of “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin and “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz. All four young stallions put on an incredible display. It was a helluva match, but remember that there are no disqualifications in Trios matches. It seemed there would be a title change after Clay nearly cut Trey in half with a 3CC. That gave “True Grit” Bruce Grey the chance to slide into the ring and low blow Gainz before adding injury to injury with a DDT. A recovered Trey then finished Gainz off with a Meteora (And Miguel has a real meaty aura) so that the Rascalz could retain. Afterward, a proud Grey challenged Clayton Gainz to a Presidential Pose Down next week. Intriguing.

Triple Threat action followed between “Juggernaut” Jeremiah, Tyler Matrix, and Pompano Joe. Matrix was the newcomer, making his Rockstar Pro debut. He would have no easy time with former best friends and ring generals Jeremiah and Pompano to contend with. After chucking Joe out of the ring, Jeremiah locked in the Guillotine on Matrix and got the submission victory. Jeremiah then grabbed the mic and demanded to be referred to as “The Destroyer.” Management cut his mic. Dave Crist brought Jeremiah and P.D. Barton their bags, and half the locker room hit the ring to boot Jeremiah and his referee lackey out of the building. Even principal owner CW Scott made an appearance to ensure Jeremiah wouldn’t return this evening. Good riddance!

One of only a handful of men to ever defeat Larry D, Rockstar Pro day one original Nate Wings had another shot at “Legendary” Larry D. in our next match. This was a fascinating contest, and Wings has definitely picked up some new strategies as he must contend with better and better competition at Rockstar Pro. D tried to overpower Wings, but Nate is hard to catch, and he only makes it more difficult by bending the rules. The former model sprayed some sort of body spray into Larry’s eyes, but D fought back. He delivered a KO Punch to drop Wings and take the win. Jon Murray hit the ring to prove he wouldn’t be intimidated by Larry D. Sure, Jon. We all totally believe you. Now that’s sarcasm!

“The Varsity Athlete” Teddy King made his Rockstar Pro debut against “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist next. King spat on a fan, and Dave Crist knocked the shit out of him. Dave won with a massive Square and Compass. The end. Let it be known to all that you don’t assault the Rockstar Nation when Dave Crist is in the house.

A dream match followed between “Special Dark” Suge D and “American Buzzsaw” Aaron Williams. These two warriors went at it guns blazing. No quarter was requested, and none was granted. Both men’s bodies were bruised but not quite broken by the end of this one. Suge worked Aaron’s surgically repaired knee, while Aaron focused on D’s hand and fingers with focused precision. Fighting through the pain, Williams defeated Suge D with a Blue Steel Driver right onto his injured knee! Former Rockstar Pro Champion Williams will truly suffer any pain for the thrill of a victory.

Our main event was for the Rocsktar Pro Trios Captain’s Championship. It was Dustin Rayz putting the gold on the line against one of the most accomplished athletes in Rockstar Pro history “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis. This match was god damn awesome. The two veterans of Rayz and Mathis put on a main event that would impress both the most grizzled of pro wrestling fans and the most flippy of young up-and-comers. It was sheer brutality with no disqualifications, no count outs, and no time limit. You need Rockstarpronetwork.com just to see this match! Rayz even kicked out of Mathis’ Tombstone Piledriver onto a chair! In the end, it was the Catalyst Driver that kept the Night Ryder his Trios Captian’s Championship. What a match!

That’s it, buckle suckers. Remember you can catch all the action live every Wednesday night at 1106 E. 3rd St. in Dayton, Ohio. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro Wrestling color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.

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