Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 6-20-18)
It’s hot out. That means that the air in Rockstar Pro Arena is thick and Jon Murray is extra sweaty. Thankfully, we have plenty of other wrestlers in action who are actual athletes and perfectionists when it comes to their craft. Let’s focus on them rather than our dirt bellied World Champion.
We kicked things off with tag team action, as The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) took on the pair of “Everyone’s Homey” Pompano Joe and Lotus. Pompano had a lot of nerve bringing a guy named Lotus to Dayton, but the newcomer proved himself to be a threat in the ring. Unfortunately for them, Bruce Grey’s Administration were in no mood for a dance party. The Administration may not play well with others, but they work incredibly well together. Mr. Boone grabbed Lotus and chucked him toward Mr. Bruise, who delivered an bone-shattering Pounce. Three seconds later, Bruise got the pin and the win.
Two newcomers to Rockstar Pro looked to impress in their first ever in-ring meeting. It was “Project M.O.N.I.X.” Pat Monix versus “The French Senzation” Senza Volto. This featured match was quite impressive. It was readily apparent that both hungry, young athletes were eager to generate some buzz in the Rockstar Nation. You gotta subscribe to Rockstarnetwork.com for a mere five bones a month to catch this phenomenal contest. Volto brought the high-flying luchador style with him, while Monix proved to be incredibly versatile. In the end, Volto hit a top-rope Spanish Fly for the pin and the win. Project M.O.N.I.X. will continue on, but it was “The French Senzation” who had his hand raised at Rockstar Pro.
A Fatal Four-Way followed between “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights, “The Hawkeye” Steve Manders, Crash Jaxon and “The Chosen One” Shane Bender. These four-competitor matches are great because they often feature wrestlers of wildly varied styles and levels of experience. Manders and Jaxon brought the power and the fury, while Heights and Bender delivered agility and determination. In matches such as this, it’s often the smartest fighter who perseveres. The “Lost Girl” showed off her smarts in addition to her athleticism. She waited for just the right moment and took down Manders with a Bangarang! Heights faces seemingly insurmountable odds nearly ever week, but she always seems to find a way.
“The Cajun Kid” Sage Cainan went head-to-head against “The Destroyer” Jeremiah in our next contest. These two Louisiana boys fought hard and put on a competitive match. You’ll be able to catch it on YouTube soon! Cainan has progressed quite a bit since his last visit to Rockstar Pro, while “The Destroyer” is still the same asshat he’s always been. Only now he has Senior Official P.D. Barton in his pocket as well. All it took was a second for Jeremiah to lock in the Guillotine and choke young Sage out. Jeremiah continues his path of destruction in a very hostile environment.
The Rascalz (“Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel & “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed) defended their Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Championships against Panty Pudding (“Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist & “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe), The Spirit of Detroit (“Michigan-Made Rebel” Jon’tae Keith & “The Natural” Lance Star), and The Philly & Marino Experience (“Easy Lover” Philly C. & “Smooth Operator” Marino T.). Talk about a boatload of talent in one match! Crewe and Crist drew a huge reaction from the Rocsktar Nation and worked together in incredible unison. What an endorsement for Lord Crewe from Crist! Speaking of “The Human GIF Machine,” he delivered a double Square and Compass to Trey and Marino that looked absolutely devastating. This was an incredible match that you can also catch on Rockstarpronetwork.com. In the end, The Rascalz successfully retained their Trios Tag Team Championships when Trey blasted Dave with a Meteora right on top of a prone Marino. Miguel pinned the “Smooth Operator” as he and Myron stood tall. For a couple of guys who don’t seem to like their captain or being champions, they’re doing a helluva job defending their titles!
Next up, The President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey challenged “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz to the first ever Presidential Pose Down. The competition would be contested under officially recognized National Physique Committee rules. Grey also informed Gainz that he would have to go through the other two members of The Administration before facing The President. Clay proved to be smarter than we all thought by finding minute rules violations, as Mr. Boone’s wire was actually considered a prop and the oafish Mr. Bruise was chewing gum. Clay then impressed the audience with a very oily and unbelievably smiley display. Bruce easily matched Clay’s performance in form if not in muscle mass. Bruce then asked Clay to show off a specific pose again and lured Gainz into his trap. Clay accidentally hit the banned “Moon Pose” and disqualified himself from the competition. “True Grit” Bruce Grey won the first ever Presidential Pose Down and blasted Clay’s skull with a DDT for good measure. Maybe now we can put all this unpleasantness behind us. Think of what these two could accomplish if they combined forces!
Our next contest featured Rockstar Pro World Champion “My Luck’s Finally About to Run Out” Jon Murray facing former World Champion “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis in a non-title contest. Mathis is a true athlete who has overcome serious injuries and countless deathmatches to get to where his is today. Murray, on the other hand, is a dimwitted buffoon whose days as World Champion are numbered. He even asked Mathis for his best mere days before defending his gold at Blacktop Battle. What a clod! Mathis looked great and made me wonder how he every became friends with Murray in the first place. Ron used his deceptive strength to get an advantage over our idiotic champion. With Murray stunned, Mathis climbed to the top turnbuckle. When “Pure Trash” came down with a Double Axe Handle, Murray actually caught him in a Choke Bomb and won. God dammit!
The TV main event for Amped pitted “Legendary” Larry D. against a legendary competitor in his own right in Germany’s Jon “Bad Bones” Klinger. These two brutes put on a real slobberknocker and sheer brutality ruling right from the ring of the bell. Klinger is an accomplished veteran, and he truly pushed Larry D to his limits with smart fighting and opportunistic attacks. As we’ve seen in the past, all it takes is a single KO Punch from Larry D to win a match. This instance against the very impressive Klinger was no different. As Larry raised his hand high in victory, Jon Murray hit the ring with the World Championship slung over his shoulder. Ace Romero then joined his two soon-to-be competitors at Blacktop Battle in a stare down. At that moment, the lights went out. A familiar voice boomed throughout Rockstar Pro Arena. It was “Iron Manager” JT Davidson, and he had “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist with him! Crist challenged Romero to a match right then and there!
Our secret unrecorded main event would pit 2018 Gem City Rumble winner “Acey Baby” Ace Romero against “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist with “Iron Manager” JT Davidson in his corner! I’m not going to cover the details here because you had to have been there in-person to have the privilege of seeing this colossal contest! After the match, JT announced that Jake Crist would be using his rematch clause from his title loss at VI to enter into the main event at Blacktop Battle on July 6th! Pure Genius! It’ll be Jon Murray defending the Rockstar Pro World Championship against Ace Romero, Larry D, AND NOW Jake Crist! There’s no way our fattest world champion ever will hold onto the gold now. I love it!
Be sure to attend Amped next time. You never know. We just might have another super-secret surprise main event in store. If you’re too lazy to leave the house, you can always subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for only five clams a month. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.