Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 6-27-18)
Welcome back, slime trails! Blacktop Battle is right around the corner, and shit’s getting crazy at Rockstar Pro! We had a wild and chaotic Amped this week. Buckle up, buckaroos, as I take you on a tour of the ins and outs of the most recent episode of Amped!
The show began with a day one original and a Rockstar Pro newcomer in the ring. It was Nate Wings facing “The Joesen One” Joe Alonzo. This one was all about velocity and aerial agility, as these two high-fliers went all out. Alonzo hit the ring with plenty of energy, but he was ultimately unprepared for the advanced tactics employed by Nate Wings. All it took was a single punch to Alonzo’s jaw to bring Wings another much deserved victory. Did Nate have a loaded fist? Yes. Did the official see it? No. Will the record books show yet another win for Nate Wings? Absolutely.
Match number two pitted Crash Jaxon against “Everyone’s Homey” Pompano Joe. It was raw power versus veteran knowhow in this contest. Jaxon had a great showing, as he’s slowly earning the respect of the Rockstar Nation faithful. Pompano has impressed with his power in the past, and this match gave him another opportunity to do the same. Pompano muscled Jaxon into the air and brought him crashing to the mat with a particularly mean Homey Driver! Three seconds later, Joe stood tall as the victor. “Everyone’s Homey” will have his hands full taking on a confident Nate Wings at Blacktop Battle.
Next up, Announcer JP welcomed “True Grit” Bruce Grey and The Administration to the ring. Grey was in high spirits after his stunning victory in the inaugural Presidential Pose Down last week. Sure, he won on a technicality. But that’s the most satisfying sort of victory! Brucey Jack invited his opponent from the PPD “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz to the ring. He offered Clay a number of consolation prizes, from a participation award to the tiniest fanny pack this journalist has ever seen. Clay appeared none to happy about this mockery, and he was even angrier when he awoke after receiving a Bruce Grey DDT! Will Bruce be able to hit his unbroken DDT on Clay at Blacktop Battle? Join us to find out!
Tag team action followed with The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) taking on the pair of master and student “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist and “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights with “Iron Manager” JT Davidson in their corner. Crist and Heights brought incredible technique and versatility to the match, while The Administration boasted pure power. Dave’s intimidation factor almost sent Boone scurrying away, but The Administration will stick around as long as their president demands it. As Sam lined up to give Mr. Boone a supremely unpleasant Facewash, Mr. Bruise jumped into action. The “Executive Secretary of Offense” delivered a Pounce to Heights that sent her flying off the apron onto Davidson. Crist then powered the massive Mr. Bruise onto his shoulders and dumped him to the mat with a DVD. Dave went for the pin, but unluckily for him Mr. Bruise was not the legal man! Mr. Boone snuck up behind Dave, pinned his shoulders with a Schoolboy and handful of tights, and The Administration took home the victory! What a shocker! Dave and Sam will team up again at Blacktop Battle to face a mystery tag team, while The Administration will face Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Aaron Williams) in a bout for the Trios Captain’s Championship!
Next up, it was a Triple Threat match between “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin... Shakespeare, “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis, and “The Destroyer” Jeremiah. Ace certainly had his hands full facing two former Rockstar Pro World Champions at once, but the kid definitely has a lot of tricks up his sleeve. His task, however, was particularly difficult with Jeremiah’s favorite referee P.D. Barton officiating the match. The match got a bit out of control when Barton refused to count a Mathis cover on Jeremiah. Mathis got up in Barton’s face, and P.D. actually had the temerity to slap “Pure Trash” in the face. The cowardly official immediately recognized his mistake, as Ron chased him into the locker room then out of the building. Senior official Rudy Jordan replaced Barton, and the match continued with Ace squaring off against Jeremiah. It didn’t take long after that for Ace to hit The Fold and claim victory! Mathis and Jeremiah will square off head-to-head at Blacktop Battle, while Ace Austin will join one half of the Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed and “The Dagger” Mik Drake in further Triple Threat action.
“American Buzzsaw” Aaron Williams faced John “Bad Bones” Klinger in a colossal collision of two of the hardest hitters in the game! There are few in the industry who can go strike-for-strike with Aaron Williams, but Germany’s “Bad Bones” is one of those elite few! This was a punishing contest between two in-ring veterans. Williams boasts educated feet, but Klinger strikes with his knees with a fury heretofore unseen in the states. The entire Nation thought it was over when Williams hit Klinger with the Blue Steel Driver, but Klinger kicked out of the cover! Ever determined, Aaron went for the Cradle Piledriver to drop Klinger on his head and secure a pinfall win. If Aaron produces a similar result at Blacktop Battle, he could become the new Rockstar Pro Trios Captain’s Champion!
Speaking of Trios, all three of our Trios Champions were in non-title action next. It was Night Ryder Dustin Rayz teaming up with The Rascalz (“Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel & “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed) to take on “Project M.O.N.I.X.” Pat Monix, “The French Senzation” Senza Volto, and “The Infamous” Danger Mask. This one was as hard-hitting, high-flying and extreme as wrestling gets! Trios matches are always controlled chaos, and this was no exception. Bodies flew all around the ring. In the end, our Trios Champions stood tall after a great combination. Monix found himself on the receiving end of a Catalyst Driver from Dustin, Trey’s Complimentary Colors, and a 450 Splash from Myron. Another win for the champs! While Rayz and Myron have their own affairs to handle at Blacktop Battle, Trey Miguel will have his hands full going one-on-one against “Big Mike’ Michael Elgin.
Our next couple of matches were intended to be sneak peaks at Blacktop Battle’s main event. First off, we had “Legendary” Larry D facing Rockstar Pro World Champion “Dirt Belly” Jon Murray in a non-title contest. Before you ask, yes. Jon Murray hit the Thumb in the Bum on D. It turned my stomach. More impressively, Larry D actually caught Murray right out of fat air! Things got out of hand, and the two brawled to the ringside area. The official had no choice but to end the match on a Double Count Out.
This took us directly into our co-main event that pitted “Acey Baby” Ace Romero against “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist. This match went haywire before the opening bell even sounded! Larry D returned to the ring to attack Crist during his entrance. Ace then entered the ring with Jon Murray following closely behind. All four men beat the hell out of each other, as the action spilled into the Rockstar Nation. Ace pummeled Larry and Jon with trash cans until an unseen Jake flew forth from the shadows with a Stage Dive that took all three big men down. Our head of security Ed, principal owner CW Scott, and even Sami Callihan had to intervene to bring some sort of sanity to this massive brawl. It was insane, and you can see it all on Rockstarpronetwork.com!
Sami grabbed a mic and made clear he wouldn’t let the show end in such a fashion. He then made an open challenge to anyone in the back that was soon answered by “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin! This became our surprise main event that was only for the eyes of those in attendance. Want to know what happened? You should have been there. All they’ll let me say is this: It was freaking awesome.
Utter chaos! Be sure to join us on Friday, July 6th as we return to the great outdoors with Blacktop Battle. Plus, we’re having a special Independence Day party on Wednesday, July 4th. Check out the action, grill with us, and take on “The Draw” Sami Callihan in the classic No Mercy on N64! Don’t forget to remember, friends. You can see it all on Rockstarpronetwork.com for only five bucks a month! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.