Voice of Professional Wrestling (Blacktop Battle 7-6-18)
Hey, butt nuggets! Rockstar Pro’s outdoor show returned in 2018 with Blacktop Battle! Members of the Rockstar Nation both old and new showed up in droves to witness the carnage. Without any further delay, let’s get to the action.
Our opening contest pitted a returning talent to Rockstar Pro against two of the young sensations we see on a weekly basis. It was “The Dagger” Mik Drake versus “Ace of Spades” Ace Austin versus “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed. Drake came into the match overflowing with confidence, and that was perhaps his greatest failing. The biggest of the three competitors, Drake tried to muscle his way to a victory. Ace and Myron, however, showed him the benefits of speed and agility. In the end, it was Myron Reed who pinned Drake for the win after a blistering 450 Splash. I knew you could do it, Myron!
Next up, master and student teamed up to take on two newcomers. It was OVE’s “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist and “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights pairing up against Lander and Savanna Stone in tag team action. The newcomers impressed early on, showing absolutely no fear of their formidable opponents. Stone in particular engaged in a game of one-upmanship with Heights, heightening the action and intensity along the way. Heights and Crist took a hard-fought win following a Square and Compass/Bangarang combination that left Lander down for the count. Once again, both Crist and Heights defended their home turf admirably.
Two former Rockstar Pro World Champions collided when “The Destroyer” Jeremiah faced “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis in singles competition. As always, Jeremiah had senior official P.D. Barton in his pocket. This essentially put Mathis in a handicap match. Ron faced an uphill battle, but anyone who knows him is well aware that Mathis is more than happy to engage in an unfair fight. Barton was up to his typical shenanigans with inconsistent counts and repeated interference in Jeremiah’s favor. It seemed to be all over when Mathis hoisted a hapless Jeremiah into the Torture Rack position, but Barton turned the tides with a low blow to Mathis. As Ron dropped to his knees in agony, Jeremiah was gifted the opportunity to lock in his Guillotine Choke. Mathis didn’t even have time to submit before P.D. called for referee stoppage. Mathis isn’t going to be happy about this. Something must be done about Jeremiah and Barton. Enough is enough!
Dustin Rayz’s Rockstar Pro Trios Captain’s Championship was up for grabs in an intriguing tag team contest next. Night Ryderz (“The Catalyst” Dustin Rayz & “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams) faced The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise), and whichever wrestler secured a victory via pinfall or submission would be the Trios Captain’s Champion! Both teams worked incredibly well together, as neither side would be ripped asunder through their own greed or Machiavellian impulses. Boone set up good defense, Bruise delivered devastating offense, and the Ryderz brought their unique brand of in-ring violence. One Ride of Death on Boone later, and Williams graciously let his partner Dustin Rayz take the pin and retain his Trios Captain’s Championship! I’m starting to worry that nobody will be able to take this title off of Rayz’s waist.
A clash of styles followed between two internationally recognized wrestlers “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel and “Big Mike” Michael Elgin. Still searching for a reason to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com? Here it is. Elgin overpowered Miguel, but Trey has learned so much and developed his skills over his time in Dayton and beyond. Trey did his home promotion proud with a stellar effort that nearly brought him victory. Elgin, however, doesn’t go down easy. He overwhelmed Trey long enough to wear him down for a Buckle Bomb followed immediately by an Elgin Bomb. Three seconds later, “Big Mike” stood tall. Don’t get too cocky, ya Canuck. Trey’s only getting better with each passing day. He’ll get his win back.
A battle of the body guys was up next when “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz went head-to-head against The President of the Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey. These two monsters fought it out with great passion and intensity. If only I could figure out how to get them on the same page, their combined forces would be unstoppable! Nevertheless, they went at it. Bruce even took to the skies with Crossbody worthy of Air Force One! Nobody knows the rules (and how to manipulate them) better than Grey, so he was 100% ready to spring into action when the ref was distracted. Bruce kicked Clay right in the dick causing Gainz to spit a mouthful of pre-workout into Grey’s face. A quick Rollup later, and Gainz claimed the win! What a match!
Two longtime Rockstar Pros went at it in singles competition when “Everyone’s Homey” Pompano Joe faced the irascible Nate Wings. This one got out of control incredibly fast, and it was neither the fault of Pompano nor Wings. “The Draw” Sami Callihan hit the ring with baseball bat in tow and battered the shit out of both competitors! Kevin Sullivan then appeared from out of nowhere to get a measure of revenge after his Dayton Street Fight with Sami awhile back. This was when all hell broke loose. The entirety of OVE attacked the Rockstar Pro roster and staff indiscriminately and unabashedly. Wrestlers, security, referees, even principal owner CW Scott fell victim to the assault. No one was safe! However you might feel about them, Sami Callihan, the Brothers Crist, and JT Davidson made a serious statement at Blacktop Battle.
Once the carnage was cleared away, the electricity remained in the air. In a featured match for the ages, “The King of Bros” Matt Riddle faced “Too Sick for This World” Zachary Wentz in a first ever meeting. Do you really need me to explain that you should subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for just $5 a month to see this one? The two former MMA combatants rocked one another with impressive strikes, grappling, and submission techniques. I’m not going to include much detail, as you just need the Network to see this match in all its glory. Zach took the W with his incredible UFO Cutter to bring this awesome match to a finish. The Rocsktar Nation roared for Wentz’s victory and for the return of Riddle. I have a feeling he’ll be back, bro.
Our main event was a Fatal Four-Way for the Rockstar Pro World Championship. Defending champion “America’s Burden” Jon Murray faced 2018 Gem City Rumble winner “Acey Baby” Ace Romero, 2018 Tournament of Fight winner “Legendary” Larry D, and OVE’s “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist. The action was fast, furious, and focued on winning the highest prize in Rockstar Pro. Also, Jon Murray was there. In a moment I thought I’d never see, Larry D hit an incredible Destroyer on Jake Crist! Bodies flew in and out of the ring in a truly unbelievable contest. Just as it seemed that Jake would become only the second man to be a three-time Rockstar Pro World Champion, the unthinkable happened. Murray pulled Crist out of a Work of Art Backslide attempt to get the Schoolboy on Jake and retain his title.
Yeah, that’s right.
JON MURRAY RETAINED THE FUCKING ROCKSTAR PRO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP! Again!
Welp, now that my life is devoid of meeting I guess there’s only one thing left to do. I must remind you to catch us live every Wednesday evening or on Rockstarpronetwork.com for a mere five bucks every month. Until next time, I barely remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling. Dammit.