Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 7-11-18)
Welcome back, turd squad! It’s time for another recap of Rockstar Pro’s weekly Amped programming with your old pal Bork. Things are already changing drastically following Blacktop Battle, even though #NotMyWorldChampion Jon Murray still holds the gold. He’s still fat. The world progresses.
Our first match saw “The Destroyer” Jeremiah take on a returning competitor. Once known as Alvarado, Ari Azteca once again stepped into the ring at Rockstar Pro Arena! Ari looked to be in great shape and had a hunger for competition in his eyes. Jeremiah, after a long walk from the janitor’s closet with P.D. Barton by his side, did not seemed impressed with Azteca. They had a hard-hitting contest that put on display each wrestler’s toughness. It was Jeremiah who would take the win after a rough fight with a flurry of karate kicks followed by a savage Elbow Drop. Three seconds of tea-bagging later Jeremiah was declared the winner. We’ll see if Azteca is tough enough to come back for more.
Tag action followed as Crash Jaxon paired up with “KTB” Kyle the Beast to face “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights and Kyle Maverick as he returned to tag team action! Maverick received a very warm reception when he joined his betrothed in the ring. Jaxon and Beast brought an unbridled, aggressive style to this contest. However, they were facing a pair that team up both in the ring and in life. Sam and Kyle worked well together, taking the victory with an assisted Bangarang. These two could have big things in their shared future as long as they remain faithful to one another. In today’s swipe left society, we’ll see!
It was then time for another incarnation of Rockstar Pro’s signature multi-competitor match: the Mosh Pit Scramble! Entrants included “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis, “The Chosen One” Shane Bender, “Cajun Kid” Sage Cainan, Vinny Pacifico, “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz, “The Delster” Mike Del, Nate Wings, Tyler Matrix, and Pompano Joe. Just after the bell rang we had a late entrant. The lights went out, and when they turned back on Night Ryder Alex Colon had joined the fray to an uproarious reception from the Rockstar Nation. This match featured all the chaotic action that the Nation loves with a mix of Rockstar Pro regulars and a few returning faces. Clay blasted Matrix with a 3CC that set the match’s ending in motion. Alex immediately dived onto everyone at ring’s edge before popping right back up to his feet. He hit a Double Stomp from the top rope onto Matrix to earn the 1-2-3. Welcome back, Alex Colon!
A veteran faced a student as “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist went one-on-one against “Ace of Spades” Ace Austin. This match was simply great. Seeing two athletes at the top of their respective games is what pro wrestling is all about. Ace got his licks in, but Crist proved to be impossible to keep down. Be sure to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to catch this and many more great contests from Rockstar Pro! Ace was able to escape Dave’s first attempt at the Square & Compass, but the second proved effective. After his win, Dave grabbed a mic to remind the Rockstar Nation of all that Austin had accomplished and all the opportunities in Ace’s future. Sometimes Dave surprises us with a bit of class.
The theme of youth versus experience continued with “Too Sick for This World” Zachary Wentz locking up with “Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams. Williams wrote the record books at Rockstar Pro but was coming off of a long break after an injury. Zach, however, may only be a few years into his career but is already a world-travelled athlete. Strikes landed with sickening thuds as each competitor took his best shots. Aaron put in a great fight, but Zach gained the late advantage. Wentz went for a UFO Cutter but slipped on the ropes. Putting his quick thinking on display, he immediately adjusted into a Gunckel Driver to drop Williams and pin him for the victory. Another incredible match by a veteran and a young gun!
Unfortunately, the celebrations didn’t last long. There was a commotion in the concessions area, and it appeared as if Jake Crist had been viciously attacked by an unknown assailant. He was left bloodied and bruised under a pile of steel chairs. What would this mean for our main event?
Next up, Murray interrupted the perfect flow of the show by rudely entering the ring with mic in hand. Sure he was bloody and had a chair around his neck, but show some decorum! He claimed to have fallen victim to the same assailant that assaulted Jake Crist. Over the past few weeks this unseen offender has attacked Ace Romero, Ace Austin and Larry D. Now Jake Crist and Jon Murray could be added to the list. In a fit of what must have been early onset dementia, Murray called out Ace Romero and claimed that “Acey Baby” himself was the so-called chair bitch. He then challenged Ace to a Chair Match right then and there. Acey was entirely within his right to refuse, so he did. As Murray sucked up to the Rockstar Nation, Ace pounded him with a chair to the back. Ha ha! Suck it, Murray.
The Trios Captain’s Championship was up for grabs when Dustin Rayz defended against half of the Trios Tag Team Champions “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel. This one didn’t even get going before Trey’s tag team partner “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed inserted himself into the match. Both tag champs would challenge their captain for his gold in this bout! Myron and Trey worked really well together, focusing their phenomenal offense on their current captain. The alliance was only temporary in this contest, as some cooperative offense led to a confrontation over who exactly would take the pin. Rayz took advantage of the discord and quickly pinned Myron with a Roll Up to retain his Trios Captain’s Championship. As Rayz celebrated, The Administration entered the ring with a challenge. President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey challenged the three to a Six-Man Match for the Trios Championships!
Rayz couldn’t help himself, and Bruce got the title shot The Administration wanted. It was Rayz, Miguel and Reed versus The Administration (Bruce Grey, “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) for the Trios Championships! Just as it seemed our champions were all getting on the same page, The Administration threw a wrench in their plans! The champs were exhausted after a grueling contest for the Captain’s position, and The Administration were perfectly placed to capitalize. Mr. Bruise landed a crushing Splash on Myron and gladly handed the pinning opportunity over to Grey. Grey made the cover and The Administration became new Rockstar Pro Trios Champions! Clayton Gainz immediately attacked Grey, but the rest of The Administration chased the body guy back to the locker room. An understandably upset pair of Rascalz took their frustrations out on their former captain. As Trey and Myron laid the boots into Rayz, Alex Colon and Aaron Williams came to his aid! It would appear that the Night Ryderz are back together again!
Our main event was scheduled to be “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist versus “Legendary” Larry D. But with Jake injured in a brutal chair attack earlier in the night, who would face Larry D? “Iron Manager” JT Davidson hit the ring to inform us all that he’d worked some managerial magic. He arranged for D’s opponent to be the alleged chair attacker “Acey Baby” Ace Romero! Want to know the details about this one? Subscribe to the Rockstar Pro Network, dingus! In the end, Ace Romero took the win after a nasty chair shot to Larry D’s head.
Is Ace Romero truly guilty of these chair attacks, even though he was the first victim? When will Jake be medically cleared to return to in-ring competition? What does the reformation of the Night Ryderz mean for our new Trios Champions The Administration? Will Jon Murray ever win his battle against obesity? Join us every Wednesday at Amped or by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com to find out! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.