Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 7-18-18)
Welcome back, terrible people on both sides! It’s time for yet another recap of all the great action at Rockstar Pro’s weekly Amped event. The Trios division has been shaken to its core, while Jon Murray continues to embarrass every right thinking person in the world as Rockstar Pro World Champion. Let us get right to the action!
Our first contest was for the Rockstar Pro Trios Captain’s Championship, as the President of the Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey put the title on the line against “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz. These two have been going at one another’s throats for months, but nothing has been settled. It was a back-and-forth affair between two great body guys. Each man went for a fanny pack shot to the head, and both dropped liked a ton of bricks! What the hell was in those fanny packs? As CW Scott and security checked on the participants, Bruce ordered The Administration to attack Gainz. When Kyle Maverick and Samantha Heights tried to save Clayton, Principal Owner CW Scott grabbed a mic and made a title match.
With CW Scott’s announcement The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) were forced to defend their Trios Tag Team Championships against the team of “The Man Without Fear” Kyle Maverick and “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights. The young betrothed couple did their best to down the big men of The Administration, but their opportunities were few and far between. One Forearm from Mr. Boone plus one Pounce from Mr. Bruise equals The Administration retaining their Trios Tag Team Championships.
Next up, we had a scheduled tag team match between Night Ryderz and the Rascalz. Unfortunately, the chair bitch strikes back! Both “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed and Dustin Rayz were attacked and rendered unable to compete before the match. Instead we saw “The Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel and Alex Colon go head-to-head in singles competition. Luckily, both of these men are incredible wrestlers. This match ruled. Miguel is the best he’s ever been and getting better every day, while Colon has reached a new level of in-ring intensity. Trey blew a fistful of freedom powder at Alex, but the veteran Colon avoided the cloud and pinned Trey with a quick Roll-Up. Wrestling rules, and these guys prove it every week.
Youngster Christian Kobain hit the ring for a singles contest, but he was immediately attacked out of fat air by an enraged Jon Murray armed with a chair! That fat wad of human garbage bashed the hell out of Kobain with a chair, until both Jake Crist and JT Davidson had to intervene. Murray bitched and bitched about Ace Romero allegedly being the chair attack artist like a whiny creep. This is your World Champion? At this point I would assume that Murray is the chair assailant were it not for the fact that his wonk foot makes him unable to sneak up on anyone.
Two young guns fought it out when “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin took on “The Cajun Kid” Sage Cainan. What a refreshing site after seeing Jon Murray lumber around the ring like a drunken nitwit. Austin and Cainan brought the youthful intensity of two real athletes to this contest. Cainan is finding his sea legs at Rockstar Pro, while Austin is just starting to really blow up in this business. Subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com. You know the drill. Ace took the win with quite the impressive Leg Drop from the top rope. Check this one out.
Two former Rockstar Pro World Champions clashed once again. It was “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis versus “The Destroyer” Jeremiah with senior official P.D. Barton officiating. Barton’s one-sided officiating seemed to finally bring Mathis to the breaking point, as “Pure Trash” immediately attacked the crooked ref as soon as the bell rang to start this one. Once again Mathis was the better wrestler. Once again that didn’t matter. Jeremiah was able to slide into a Guillotine Choke, and Barton called for the bell without allowing any sort of response from Mathis. Mathis never tapped, but that doesn’t give him a win.
A Mosh Pit Scramble followed with competitors including “The Joesen One” Joe Alonzo, “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe, Crash Jaxon, “The Chosen One” Shane Bender, Pompano Joe, and Nate Wings. For reasons I’ll never understand “Too Sick for This World” Zachary Wentz was the special guest referee! This was a wild one, as should be expected in a mosh pit. Lord Crewe looked to take the win over Shane Bender, but a quick thinking Nate Wings popped Crewe in the mouth and stole the pin on Bender. Wings just keeps wrestling smarter and smarter! Unfortunately, “Too Sick for This World” should read “Too Egotistical to Officiate” because Wentz went nuts after the match. He Superkicked every participant in the match before delivering a blistering UFO Cutter to Wings. Dick move!
Two skilled veterans collided when “Human GIF Machine” Dave Crist faced “Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams. I could tell you about the incredible display put on by these two ring generals. I could go into explicit details. Instead, I offer advice. Subscribe to the Network for just five bones a month, you cheapskates! After a Superplex and Square & Compass, Dave kept Aaron down for the 1-2-3 and the win. Afterward, Crist grabbed a mic and challenged Williams to push himself even harder and bring the best “Baddest Man Alive” possible to every match.
Our main event was a Dayton Street Fight between “El Marcado por lo Extremo” Aeroboy and “Bulldozer” Matt Tremont! These two beat the ever-loving hell out of one another! We were all familiar with Tremont’s prowess in a street fight environment, but many were surprised by how Aeroboy held his own. This luchador can get extreme! They brawled around and outside of the arena, employing anything that wasn’t nailed down as a weapon. In the end, Tremont took the win after he hit a DVD on Aeroboy into barbed wire! It was a violent end to a tremendous night.
It was a wild Amped, and that chair-wielding assailant is still unknown and on the loose! When will he/she/they strike again? Who might be the next victim? Join us each and every Wednesday or on Rockstarpronetwork.com to find out. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.