Hey there, lumpy dunkers! We’re rolling into an amazing few days at Rockstar Pro Arena, and you’ve come to the right place if you want to catch up with all the fantastic athletic competition we serve up each and every week. So let’s get to the action, Jackson.
We kicked things off with two burly bruisers when “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe faced “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis. This is exactly how I like an Amped to begin! These two brawlers beat the ever-loving hell out of one another for our entertainment. Crewe employed his height, weight and reach advantages; but Mathis unsurprisingly never relented. Mathis eventually powered Crewe onto his shoulders into a Torture Rack for the submission victory! After the match, corrupt official P.D. Barton dragged CW Scott to the ring to enforce Rockstar Pro’s apparent “Zero Tolerance” policy regarding wrestlers attacking referees. Mathis now faces a two week suspension because Barton is an asshole.
Tag team action followed next with Kyle Maverick and “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights facing the Rascalz (“Fresh Prince of Midair” Trey Miguel & “Hot Fiya” Myron Reed). At least that was the plan. Despite the fact that Myron was unavailable, Trey confidently agreed to a handicap match. Just as the match began, Pompano Joe awkwardly danced to ringside. He offered to join Trey as his tag team partner, but Miguel reckoned he’d face better odds going at it alone. Miguel’s athletic prowess and attuned mind brought us an incredible showing by the former two-time Rockstar Pro World Champion. Quick thinking brought Trey the victory when he lawn darted Heights into Maverick’s midsection and quickly pinned Kyle with a handful of tights. Chalk up another win for Miguel! Meanwhile, Joe was left holding his boombox as a triumphant Trey proved that nobody needs Pompano.
“Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz then joined JP in the ring for some words. In a brilliant moment of presidential timing, Rockstar Pro Trios Champions “True Grit” Bruce Grey and The Administration joined him. After some words, an outnumbered (but nevertheless clever) Gainz dropped both Executive Secretaries with synchronized low blows. This sent Grey into a mad rage, as he and Clay began to throw down. The two brawled through the locker room and out into the parking lot. Just think of what Grey and Gainz could accomplish if they ever managed to see eye to eye!
The Dirty’s “Cutthroat” Austin Manix returned to singles competition to face James “Wrecking Ball” Runyun. Manix, of course, had a recently wed and recovering from injury “Bulletproof” Brandon Edwards at his side. Runyan held his own by displaying solid grappling fundamentals and brawling acumen, but Manix was hungry for competition. Austin pushed James to his limits and in the end downed “Wrecking Ball” with a mean Running Knee. “Cutthroat” looked great and perhaps presented a sign of things to come once The Dirty are back in action as a duo.
Next up, we had a great Mosh Pit Scramble with The One Called Manders, Ace Austin... Shakespeare, Crash Jaxon, Sage Cainan, Robin Steele and “One Handsome Jack” Shane Bender as participants. Bender began the match attempting to form a snow angel in the ring. What the hell is this kid on? He was quickly chucked out of the squared circle, and the chaos began. Bodies flew around and outside the ring, as all six men battled for supremacy. Manders and Jaxon brought the power, as the rest of the competitors resorted to high flying tactics. Even the debuting Robin Steele took to the skies. Austin got the best of Cainan in the end with a blistering standing Double Stomp to the face. Ace is on a roll. Let us all just hope it doesn’t further inflate his 205 pound ego.
Two veterans of Ohio wrestling faced off with “The Destroyer” Jeremiah and Nate Wings in singles competition. It was strength and strikes versus speed and cunning when these two locked up. Wings looked great as usual, but Jeremiah was no pushover. Jeremiah took the win with a Pop-Up Powerbomb/Knee Strike combination. So yeah, he won. It doesn’t make him any less of a jackass.
The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise) defended their Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Championships for the second time in two weeks, as they put it all on the line against the Night Ryderz (Dustin Rayz & Alex Colon). All four men brought their A-game in this hard-hitting affair. The Ryderz were as violent as always, but The Administration can bring the pain too. It seemed Mr. Bruise and Mr. Boone were gaining the upper hand, as Clayton Gainz and Bruce Grey blasted through the back door! They fought over the barricade and back into the locker room again. The Administration were just about to finish off the Ryderz when Gainz flew across the entrance ramp and nailed both big men with a dual 3CC Spear! Ever the opportunists, the Ryderz hit the Ride of Death on Boone and won the Trios Tag Team Championships! Clay’s attack may have backfired, however, as Trios Captain’s Champion Bruce Grey now has the awesome power of the Night Ryderz at his command!
The Rockstar Pro World Championship was up for grabs in our main event! #NotMyWorldChampion Jon Murray was up against “Acey Baby” Ace Romero and “Legendary” Larry D in a Triple Threat contest. It was a massive fight between three super heavyweights. As the match accelerated toward chaos, Larry D went for a chair. Romero deftly avoided his attack, and D blasted the official in the head with his chair. Where’s your “Zero Tolerance” policy now!? Anyway, with the referee down, Jon Murray walloped Ace in the back of the head with a chair. He made the pin. Another ref came out for the three count. Jon Murray is still your god damn World Champion.
That does it for this week, losers! Join us this and every Wednesday at 1106 E. 3rd St. in Dayton, Ohio for the best pro wrestling around. Don’t forget to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for just five measly bones a month so you’ll never miss anything! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.