Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 8-22-18)
Hello, knobs and fannies! Another week passes and another fantastic edition of Amped along with it. Fortunately, your favorite wrestling commentator Bork Torkleson is here to fill you in on all the nitty gritty details. Let’s get monstrous on a Wednesday!
We kicked things off with “The Maize-fed Mauler” One Called Manders versus “Cajun Kid” Sage Cainan in a singles match. This was pure power versus speed and agility. Manders manhandled Cainan when he could catch him, but Cainan would not relent. In the end, Cainan crushed Manders with a Swanton Bomb from the top rope. It was a huge win for the “Cajun Kid” that will likely catch the eyes of Rockstar Pro management.
Secondly, “One Handsome Jack” Shain Bender faced Rockstar Pro Day One Original Nate Wings. These two engaged in a tense, fast-paced contest that looked evenly matched for most of its duration. Wings eventually turned to the tactics that had repeatedly brought him victories and used his fingernails to dig in deep and rake Bender’s eyes. The blinded Bender then fell prey to Wings’ Springboard Stunner to bring Nate another glorious victory! Nate’s really developing that killer instinct necessary to take his career to the next level.
Tag team action followed between the pair of “Bare Knuckled Berserker” Lord Crewe and Crash Jaxon and The Administration (President “True Grit” Bruce Grey & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise). Bruce must’ve sent “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone out on a super secret assignment, as the President chose to represent The Administration in this tag team match. Crewe and Jaxon make for a dangerously strong pairing, but The Administration had a plan. Mr. Bruise lured Crewe to the outside of the ring and gave Grey plenty of time to take control. Bruce Grey dumped Crash right on his face with a DDT that immediately led to the 1-2-3. The Administration win again!
It was time for the drizzling shits, as “The Destroyer” Jeremiah and P.D. Barton hit the ring with something to say. It was all, “Blah blah blah unfair treatment blah blah blah my house.” Principal Owner C.W. Scott was fed up and joined them in the ring. He informed the sleazy pair that the referee for their match at Weekend at Murray’s would be Junior Official Ben Parker! This caused Jeremiah and Barton to attack Scott and lay in the boots. It was a brief beating, as C.W.’s tag partner at Weekend at Murray’s Ron Mathis came to make the save. Mathis chased Barton and Jeremiah off with a kendo stick. I can’t wait to see P.D. get his ass kicked!
“Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz faced “The Man Without F’n Fear” Kyle Maverick in head-to-head action. Both of these skilled athletes brought their A game, but there could be only one winner. Clay had the strength advantage, but Maverick employed his years of both wrestling and boxing experience. While both the official and Maverick were distracted, Bruce Grey slid into the ring and walloped Gainz in the face with what was clearly a loaded denim fanny pack. Maverick blasted a dazed Gainz with Yahtzee! to take the W. Give a massive assist to Bruce Grey. There’s no way Maverick could’ve defeated Clay without his help!
Next up, it was wily veteran Pompano Joe versus “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin in singles competition. Ace leapt about, kicking Pompano in the head at every opportunity. Meanwhile, Joe focused his offense on Austin’s left arm. Pomp may be a bit of a wet blanket, but he broke out some impressive offense. He even modified his own Homey Driver to focus the impact on Ace’s arm. Despite Joe’s best efforts, Austin just wouldn’t stay down. Ace took advantage and hit his Stupid Sexy Stomp to keep Pompano down for the three-count. A solid encounter!
The Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Championships were on the line as defending champions Night Ryderz (Alex Colon & Dustin Rayz) faced The Dirty (“Bulletproof” Brandon Edwards & “Cutthroat” Austin Manix). This was Edwards first match back after suffering a torn right bicep back in May, and he was spoiling for a fight. Check out Rockstarpronetwork.com to catch all the violent action in this intense rivalry. There was a rare moment of miscommunication between the Ryderz, and this was exactly what The Dirty needed. They isolate Colon and nailed Alex with the Bang Bus for the victory! Brandon Edwards and Austin Manix finally achieved champion status at Rockstar Pro. The Dirty are your new Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions!
Two Rockstar Pro Day One Originals and former World Champions squared off when “The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams faced “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis. As any wrestling-loving fan would expect, this was one helluva match! Williams brought his best martial arts striking game, while Mathis approached this one with the same focus and intensity as he does in all his matches. In the end, it was Williams’ Cradle Piledriver that would bring him the win. Both men looked great and showed all the youngsters at Rockstar Pro that the veterans in the locker room are not to be underestimated.
Our main event pitted two teams of individuals with huge upcoming matches at Weekend at Murray’s against one another. It was Jake Crist and Jon Murray versus “Acey Baby” Ace Romero and “Legendary” Larry D. This was a great match except for when Jon Murray was involved. Jake certainly came out of this one looking great after pinning Larry D with a Work of Art for the win! Crist will face D in a #1 Contenders Match at Weekend at Murray’s, while Murray will defend the Rockstar Pro World Championship against Ace Romero in a Chairs Match.
That’s it, turds! Weekend at Murray’s is fast approaching, and we’ve some phenomenal matches in store. Visit the Rockstar Pro Arena at 1106 E. 3rd St. each and every Wednesday night or catch us anytime by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com for just $5 per month. Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.