Voice of Professional Wrestling (Amped 8-29-18)
Hey there, star loads! At Rockstar Pro Wrestling we bring you the best wrestling action every single week, and this edition of Amped was no exception. So let’s jump right into the action before your alarmingly short attention spans have your eyes glazed over as you stop reading and go back to watching internet porn. Kakow!
Our opening match pitted “The Man Without F’n Fear” Kyle Maverick against The President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey. These two competitors know their way around the ring, and they put on a true display of combat sports prowess. As much as Bruce wanted it, Maverick refused to TRUST in The Administration. What a sicko! In the end, Kyle went for his signature Roaring Elbow Yahtzee! but missed. This gave Brucey Jack the perfect opportunity to pop on the DDT and dump Kyle on his head for the 1-2-3. Another win for The Administration!
Two huge athletes collided in our second contest. It was “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe versus “Acey Baby” Ace Romero. Crewe boasts two of the heaviest fists in pro wrestling today, while Ace propels his significant girth around the ring with surprising grace and agility. Crewe used his reach advantage to pepper in shots on Ace. Romero, on the other hand relied on his weight advantage. Once Ace hit the combination of the Uranage Slam and the Senton it was all over for Lord Crewe. With Ace looking this good, Jon Murray’s days as World Champion are truly numbered.
Two Day One Originals faced off in our third match, as “Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams took on Nate Wings. Williams has done it all in Rockstar Pro and won accolades many times over. Wings, meanwhile, competed in the very first match at Rockstar Pro Arena and mixes it up every week despite a constantly disrespectful reception from the Rockstar Nation. This one was a thrilling match that proved these two vets still have a surprise or two up their virtual sleeves. Aaron blasted Nate in the back of the head with his Harakiri kick and went right for the Cradle Piledriver. Surprisingly, Nate was not out on his feet! He quickly scrambled between Williams’ legs and rolled the BMA up for the three count! The fact that Nate had a handful of trunks during the pin did nothing to diminish his victory.
The newly crowned Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions faced stiff competition in their first match as champions. It was a non-title 4-Way Tag Match between The Dirty (Brandon Edwards & Austin Manix), The Administration (Mr. Boone & Mr. Bruise), Crash Jaxon & Steve Manders, and Sage Cainan & Shain Bender. The Administration challenged The Dirty with raw power, as did Jaxon and Manders. The two athletes from Louisiana brought something entirely different to this matchup, and unfortunately for them this drew a lot of offensive attention from the other teams. Mr. Bruise was the unfortunate recipient of the Bang Bus, as The Dirty continued their winning streak. Manix and Edwards are looking great! The inevitable question: how long can this title reign last?
Dustin Rayz was set to go one-on-one with Jake Crist. Unfortunately, the chair assailant ruined this for everyone. Jake was violently attacked before he could even walk to the ring, so this match simply would not happen. Rayz was livid and demanded that Rockstar Pro management take action to curtail these sneak attacks. CW Scott expressed a shared frustration, and even an irate Sami Callihan grabbed a mic to verbally tear into this unknown assailant. Safety comes first in pro wrestling, and this chair-wielding asshole has simply gone too far. I call hostile work environment!
It was student versus teacher when “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz took on “The Killer King” Dave Crist. Dave appeared to be in top form, and Clay was obviously bulging with muscular mass. Watch this one on Rockstarpronetwork.com to relive all the action! These two went back and forth in an evenly contested matchup. After quite a battle, Dave got Clay caught up in the ropes and was about to hit the Square & Compass on the apron, but Gainz performed a miracle. He countered Dave’s offense right into a devastating 3CC through the ring ropes! Three seconds later Clay had defeated his teacher. Enjoy this moment now, Clay. You know all too well that Dave Crist has an impeccable memory.
The so-called “Promised Prince” Brian Pillman Jr. took to the ring with a mic in hand. None of us could have guessed what would happen next. He talked about signing a contract with MLW and claimed that he could no longer lower himself to wrestle at promotions the likes of Rockstar Pro. What a dick! He then jumped out of the ring to antagonize members of the Rockstar Nation face-to-face. Usually, I support the wholesale mockery of those cretinous goons, but Pillman simply went too far. When a fan gave Brian a shove, Pillman snapped. He pulled this poor goof over the barricade and beat the hell out of him. A deranged Pillman laid in punches and kicks until security dragged him away. Fingers crossed we don’t get sued into oblivion.
Triple Threat action followed in a crazy contest between three mean fighters. It was “Legendary” Larry D versus “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis versus “The Destroyer” Jeremiah. Mathis was in a particularly interesting position in this one. He’s currently embroiled in a heated conflict with Jeremiah an P.D. Barton, and he spent months of 2018 fighting (and repeatedly losing to) Larry D. Jeremiah hit the Baddest Kick in the World to Mathis prompting Barton to make a ludicrously fast three count. Principal Owner C.W. Scott wouldn’t stand for it and demanded the match restart with Senior Official Rudy Jordan as the referee. Mathis immediately applied the Torture Rack to Jeremiah, but Larry D delivered a massive KO Punch to Mathis then to Jeremiah! Larry D wins again!
Our main event was a singles match for the DTU Alto Impacto Championship. “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin put his title on the line against Night Ryderz’s Alex Colon. You can catch this one for free at YouTube.com for some reason. This match was fantastic, and I certainly wouldn’t give it away for free! Alex took advantage of Ace’s penchant for top rope offense, turning him inside out and dumping him on his head. Alex Colon is your new DTU Alto Impacto Champion! This is going to make his match against Ace at Weekend at Murray’s all the more tense.
That does it for this edition. Check back often for more updates. Remember to see us live and in-person each and every Wednesday night at 7:30 PM in the Rockstar Pro Arena. You can also subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for a mere five bones a month to ensure that you see it all! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.