What’s up, dopey dumpkins? Weekend at Murray’s is almost upon us. Luckily you’re fortunate enough to have good, old Bork to catch you up on all the great wrestling action from Rockstar Pro. Nobody thanks me. Nobody considers the long hours toiling away at a keyboard. But I still do it. You’re welcome.
Amped began with a singles contest between “Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone and “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe. These two big men beat the holy hell out of one another. Just as Crewe was gaining control, Bruise avoided a big right hand that led Crewe to full force punch the ring post. Despite his banged up hand, Crewe delivered a monstrous Orange Crush to Boone to take the victory. What a great match to kick off the night!
Four-way action followed between “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise, “The Man Without F’n Fear” Kyle Maverick, “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis, and Crash Jaxon. It was a veritable fireworks show with all four men putting in solid efforts. Crash in particular is looking better and better every time he steps into the ring. It would not be his night however. In the end, Mathis absolutely took over. “Pure Trash” lawn darted Maverick face-first into Mr. Bruise before setting his sights on Jaxon. One ATM Piledriver to Crash brought Mathis the pin and the win! It’s going to be great when Mathis teams up with C.W. Scott to finally deliver justice to Jeremiah and P.D. Barton!
Rockstar Pro Trios Tag Team Champions The Dirty (“Cutthroat” Austin Manix & “Bulletproof” Brandon Edwards) took on the first time pairing of “The Joesen One” Joe Alonzo and Kobain in non-title action. Alonzo and Kobain had a massive opportunity. Beating the champs, even in a non-title contest, would do wonders for their status in the Midwest Territory. Beating The Dirty, however, is easier said than done. The Dirty hit a mind-blowing Bang Bus on Kobain to take yet another victory as they continue to run rampant over the tag team scene at Rockstar Pro.
More singles action followed between “The Hawkeye” Steve Manders and “Legendary” Larry D. Despite the fact that D dominated for most of the match, Manders showed an iron will by refusing to stay down time and time again. In an all-or-nothing effort, Manders dropped into his three point stance and sprinted toward Larry D. D blasted Manders in the face with a devastating KO Punch to take the win! “Legendary” Larry D will face “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist in a #1 Contender Match at Weekend at Murray’s.
Rockstar Pro Trios Captain’s Champion and President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey faced “Manscout” Jake Manning in our next matchup. Manning refused to trust Grey and kept referring back to his damn scout’s manual. Senior Official Rudy Jordan ejected both Mr. Boone and Mr. Bruise from the ringside area in one of the most misguided calls of her career. Shortly thereafter, Clayton Gainz appeared from out of nowhere to hit a blistering 3CC on both Grey and Manning! Clay then placed Manning’s limp body on top of Grey’s to gift “Manscout” the victory. What a scam! Gainz and Grey will clash once again for Bruce’s Trios Captain’s Championship this Friday. Maybe they’ll finally settle this!
“The Baddest Man Alive” Aaron Williams faced Nate Wings in a rematch from last week. The two proud Day One Originals fought it out as if their lives were on the line! Williams was desperate to get his win back, while Wings wanted to keep his own momentum rolling. When Williams went for his precise Harakiri kick, a wise Wings leapt out of the way and threw the official into the line of fire. With the ref down, Wings kicked Aaron right in the testes. A new ref ran to the ring and Nate made the cover with a handful of tights. That’s two weeks in a row that Wings has gotten the better of Williams! Aaron’s going to have an even rougher fight on his hands when he faces “The Killer King” Dave Crist at Weekend at Murray’s.
“Acey Baby” Ace Romero was set to take on Pompano Joe in singles competition, but shit got crazy. Ace grabbed a mic before the bell even rang to smack talk both the chair assailant and Rockstar Pro World Champion “Bastard Man” Jon Murray. As Ace spoke, the lights went out. A shadowy figure clad in all black and wearing an alien mask appeared on the entrance ramp. It could only be the chairman! As Ace approached him the lights went out again. When they came back on Jon Murray was there with a chair to pummel Romero! The two fought like crazy and had to be pulled apart by the entire security staff, C.W. Scott and Ron Mathis. Once things seemed to calm down a bit, Barton showed up to get in Scott’s face. Mathis took the opportunity to give Barton a taste of torture before dumping him to the canvas. Oh, and Pompano was there too.
Our main event was a wild Eight-man Tag Team Match that included three generations of wrestlers in the ring! It was Jake Crist, Dave Crist, Dustin Rayz, and their trainer “Bodacious” Bill Kovaleski versus Ace Austin, Zachary Wentz, Clayton Gainz, and Alex Colon. It was a crazy affair with bodies flying all around the ring. There was even a moment where Night Ryderz clashed. Kovaleski showed the young guys what decades of training can accomplish on numerous occasions. Gainz got the short end of the stick, as none of his tag partners seemed willing to offer him assistance. It was Dustin Rayz who brought his team victory with a Catalyst Driver to Clayton Gainz. You definitely need to hop on the tubes and check this one out! Don’t forget to remember that Wentz, Austin and Colon will all compete for three different titles at Weekend at Murray’s. Plus, Rayz faces the incredible Jeff Cobb!
It was certainly a crazy night at Rockstar Pro. I have mind to believe that Weekend at Murray’s will be even crazier! Will the masked chair assailant be revealed? Will Romero finally end Murray’s lengthy title reign? Join us Friday, September 7th at 1106 E. 3rd St. in Dayton, Ohio to find out! You can also subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com for only five hundred pennies a month. What a steal! Until next time, I remain your Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling.