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Voice of Professional Wrestling (Weekend at Murray's 9-7-18)

September 12, 2018

 

Welcome back, you wonderful wrestling wags and wanks! It’s a beautiful day, and all is well in the wrestling universe. Why? BECAUSE JON MURRAY IS NO LONGER ROCKSTAR PRO WORLD CHAMPION! The air tastes fresher. The sky is a brighter shade of blue. Even Mark seems somehow less annoying. 217 days of bullshit have all come to an end! It’s a new day in Dayton, and I’m happy to tell you all about it.

 

The opening contest at Weekend at Murray’s was a Chairs Match for the Rockstar Pro World Championship! “Massive Loser and Total Fat Ass” Jon Murray defended the title against “Acey Baby” Ace Romero. Both competitors immediately went after one another armed with chairs, clanging and clattering them against their opponent’s tender flesh. As the match wore on, both competitors grew fatigued and perhaps a little desperate. They each started taking risks, piling chairs upon chairs and sending each other crashing through them. It was then that the lights went out. There was a smashing of chairs in the darkness. When they came back on, Ace was laid out while Aaron Williams stood above Murray with a chair pressed against the World Champion’s throat. As Williams cut off Murray’s oxygen supply he taunted Jon with a challenge for a title match. To everyone but Aaron’s surprise, Murray agreed then and there! Seconds later Aaron Williams became four-time Rockstar Pro World Champion! After becoming champion once again, Williams proceeded to give Murray the beating of his life. It was highly entertaining!

 

This led immediately into our second contest between a reborn Aaron Williams and “The Killer King” Dave Crist. Dave hit the ring as Williams was destroying Murray, but Williams saw him coming. Aaron turned his rage toward Dave, and as soon as the bell rang the “BMA” blasted Crist in the face with a chair. Dave won via disqualification, but Aaron Williams remained Rockstar Pro World Champion. With the shocking revelation of Williams as the chair assailant and a change in who holds the Rockstar Pro World Championship combined with this brutal attack on Dave Crist, Weekend at Murray’s couldn’t have started in a crazier fashion.

 

Our third contest restored at least a modicum of sanity to the Rockstar Pro Arena. It was  Rockstar Nation favorite “The Killer Queen” Nevaeh versus “The Derby Doll” Layne Rosario in her Rockstar Pro debut. Layne gave her best, throwing a good number of Hip Checks into Nevaeh. “The Killer Queen”, however, clearly outclassed her competition. Nevaeh took control early on and never gave up her advantage throughout the match. In what was perhaps an homage to her brother-in-law, Nevaeh locked in the Square & Compass and dumped Rosario right on her dome. With that Nevaeh racked up another win at Rockstar Pro!

 

Tag team action was up next when “Pure Trash” Ron Mathis and “The Boss” C.W. Scott faced the pair of “The Destroyer” Jeremiah and the worst ref in Rockstar Pro history P.D. Barton. Jeremiah and Barton had screwed over Mathis (and other wrestlers) so many times that I eventually lost count. It appeared that even Principal Owner C.W. Scott has a limit to his patience. This match was about two things: justice and revenge. Mathis and Jeremiah both brought their A games. C.W. Scott looked pretty good for a guy who was out of the ring for over two years. Barton just looked like an idiot. Barton in particular got his comeuppance when he ended up on the receiving end of one of Mathis’ infamous Piledrivers! Goodnight, Barton! This wasn’t just a win for C.W. and Ron. It was a win for everyone who has ever put up with Jeremiah and Barton’s unique brand of douchebaggery.

 

The Trios Captain’s Championship was on the line when President of The Administration “True Grit” Bruce Grey defended against “Too Swole to Control” Clayton Gainz. This was a title match for the ages! Grey and Gainz truly had it out for one another, and they left everything in the ring. Just when Grey seemed to be at his most vulnerable, The Administration came to his aid with the blackest coffee around. This revitalized your favorite president, but Gainz wasn’t finished yet. Clay gave Grey three DDTs in a row directly onto the Trios Captain’s Championship belt. With blood pouring down his forehead, Grey remained defiant until the very end. Glainz hoisted him up and delivered a monstrous Muscliest Musclebuster Ever for the pin and the win! Clayton Gainz became the new Captain’s Champion in the Trios division, but he also had words for the Rockstar Nation. Gainz claimed he would be the last ever Trios Captain’s Champion and that he was taking the title home with him never to return to Rockstar Pro again. What the hell? Can Clay just retire a title like that? He is champion, so I guess he can do what he wants!

 

Yet another title match followed, as Detroit’s The Dirty (“Bulletproof” Brandon Edwards & “Cutthroat” Austin Manix) defended the Trios Tag Team Championships against The Administration (“Executive Secretary of Defense” Mr. Boone & “Executive Secretary of Offense” Mr. Bruise). The Administration were a bit out of sorts after watching their fearless leader lose his title, especially after seeing his beautiful blue denim stained red with his own blood! The Dirty, however, were more than prepared to take advantage of The Administration’s lack of focus. They got #DAF with simultaneous kicks to the back of Mr. Bruise’s head. The Dirty are still Tag Team Champions and haven’t lost a match since dethroning Night Ryderz!

 

Next up, it was Rockstar Pro’s signature match! This Mosh Pit Scramble featured “The Dagger” Mik Drake, Crash Jaxon, “The Man Without F’n Fear” Kyle Maverick, “Bare Knuckle Berserker” Lord Crewe, “The Hawkeye” 1 Called Manders, “Lost Girl” Samantha Heights”, and Day One Original Nate Wings. This was as wild and crazy as any Mosh Pit we’ve seen at 1106 E. 3rd Street with bodies flying all over the place. Drake seemed preoccupied with calling the arena his house, while Jaxon and Manders threw their weight around. Nate picked his best opportunities, but it would not be his night. Crewe showed that he’s truly an equal opportunity brawler with a devastating Earthshatter on Samantha Heights. That’s back-to-back victories for the “Bare Knuckle Berserker.” He’s clearly gaining some momentum as well as the attention of Rockstar Pro’s higher-ups.

 

Our next match had serious show-stealing potential when “The Catalyst” Dustin Rayz faced “Mr. Athletic” Jeff Cobb in his Rockstar Pro debut. You definitely need to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com to watch this one over and over. Remember it’s available at the low, low price of just five bucks a month. Cobb and Rayz had an evenly contested match, as both wrestlers seemed more than prepared for the task at hand. Cobb’s amazing power was on display when he ragdolled Dustin as if he weighed no more than a child. Reminder: Never Jeff Cobb a baby. Never. Dustin fought back with sheer determination and an undying fighting spirit. Nevertheless, one Tour of the Islands from Cobb was enough to keep Rayz down for the three count. Whatever ridiculous and disgusting stuff you get into online, you simply must watch this match!

 

The penultimate contest of the evening pitted three title-holders against each other with their singles championships on the line. Wrestling Revolver Open-Invite Champion “The Ace of Spades” Ace Austin, DTU Alto Impacto Champion Alex Colon, and CZW Wired Champion “Too Sick for This World” Zachary Wentz put their titles on the line knowing that only one man would walk away from this match with all three titles. Is this making you want to subscribe to Rockstarpronetwork.com yet? If not, check your pulse. You might already be dead. This was was as nutso to the buttso as one would expect with these three crazy talented individuals fighting it out. Zach’s incredible athleticism stood out, but it also made him a clear target for both of his competitors. In the end, Colon went for the Camel Clutch on Ace, but Austin rolled through into a pinning reversal. Three seconds later, Ace Austin took the win and all three title belts!

 

Our main even was a singles match for the #1 Contender’s position. “One Mean Hombre” Jake Crist faced “Legendary” Larry D to see who would get the next shot at facing the Rockstar Pro World Champion. Before the match began, an enraged “Iron Manager” JT Davidson hit the ring. He bellowed that after the brutal attack on Dave Crist earlier in the night, his younger brother Jake was in the mood for a fight. This match would be Falls Count Anywhere! The Crists wanted a fight, and they sure as hell got one. This main event was a bloodbath! Jake showed us why he’s the most exciting wrestler in the world by soaring through the air like a flying squirrel. Meanwhile, Larry proved to be the toughest of tough men around. These warriors fought all around the arena until they eventually found their way back to the ring. It took multiple Knockout Punches to finally keep Jake down. The final KO Punch brought D victory, but there was little time for celebration. Williams entered the ring and locked eyes with Larry D. Aaron held the World Championship high as Larry refused to back down. When these two meet with the title on the line it will be explosive!

 

That’s all for this one, folks! We’ve definitely cleared up some questions at Weekend at Murray’s. It seems Aaron Williams was the chair assailant all along. He’s definitely the new Rockstar Pro World Champion. Larry D is an undeniable bad ass who will face Williams soon for the Rockstar Pro World Championship. Oh, and Jon Murray is a big fat loser. Remember to see us live every Wednesday night at 1106 E. 3rd St. in Dayton, OH or by subscribing to Rockstarpronetwork.com for a mere five clams per month. Until next time, I remain your ecstatic Rockstar Pro color commentator and the Voice of Professional Wrestling. Woo hoo!

 

 

 

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